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Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace, 2002 Revised Edition
How to Defend Yourself from an Abusive Boss: The Formal Complaint Process
Who's Pulling Your Strings?: How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life
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Professor issue-effecting work situation
Posted by: toreoutmyhair
Date: 2/14/2006 9:55:59 PM
I am an advanced graduate student, as well as working full time out of school. A couple of years ago the school hired a new professor in my program. She is a nightmare! She has power to decide if I get funding and research work opportunities. And I am a big problem for her, although I didn't realise it was going to be so until it was too late. I went out of the country with her for field research. She kept getting drunk and saying obnoxious things. One night she railed on me and told me everything that I had ever done wrong in my life (from her perspective, not mine), from where I went to college to telling me I shouldn't have taken a leave of absence from school when my mother was terminally ill. She said that the reason I haven't been funded in my program is because I took the leave of absence. She said that she wasn't with her father when he died, so I shouldn't have been there when my mom died. She also threatened me by saying that if I didn't change to her as my major professor, she would come back to the school, get my major professor's ear and turn him against me, and that I'd never get to do my specialization. She also said no one would believe me. Another night, even more drunk, and in front of undergraduate students, she kept whining about this other graduate student who had been paralyzed in a car accident. She said she was going to "make her accept she is never going to walk again". It was bazaar, highly unethical, and a breach of university policy for her to do that. I went back and changed my area of specialization, but she is still on my committee. I told my major professor, but of course, the blaze person he is, he didn't help me. She then gave me a C+ (a failing grade in grad school). My major professor then gave me U grades on two classes. In the last few months, other students have been making snide comments to me. I believe she has been manipulating them and talking about me in order to get me. I also took my doctoral exam last fall, and only passed it. I think that was her doing. I think she's still after me, effecting peoples perceptions of me. I can't change graduate programs, I have no money left, and, frankly, I'm to old to start over (I don't think I'd get in, especially under her influence). I'm terrified, and don't know how to protect myself from this malignant narcisist. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get her off of my committee? Does anyone know if I can tape record her without her knowing it, so I can prove the threats she made?
| Reply from: |
toreoutmyhair |
| Date: |
2/14/2006 10:07:00 PM |
| Reply: |
I meant to also say...
She also said it was unprofessional of me to take a leave of absence. That being a professor is like being a CEO of a corporation, and that CEOs don't have families. Therefore, I shouldn't have taken the leave of absence. I shouldn't get married (she is married), I can't have children (she has since had a baby), and I should dump my sisters (apparently she doesn't like her sister, who is a psychologist).
The issue about how this is effecting my work is because the other students who recently have been making snide comments are now working at the company where I work.
I think their comments are unprofessional (sometimes about my age). And I think her behavior is VERY unprofessional. What a hypocrit! |
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| Reply from: |
Karra |
| Date: |
2/15/2006 12:27:00 AM |
| Reply: |
Your power-tripping professor needs a life and until she gets one she'll continue to try and rule yours. Can you avoid drinking with her and socializing in the evenings? She sounds like she may have a drinking problem. Is it an option to placate her, grow a thicker skin, go along with the craziness? If she has so much power to impact your life and starts to see you as an ally you could turn things around by making friends. At the end of the day work is just work. The most important things in life are your health, family and friends. |
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| Reply from: |
toreoutmyhair |
| Date: |
2/15/2006 11:35:00 AM |
| Reply: |
I haven't socialized with her in over two years. The problem is that she is working against me when I'm not around, effectively. And, she has a life and lots of power, and she knows it. She also knows I don't have much power, and she is going to take away what little I have to get back at me because, I guess, she feels guilty for not being with her dad when he died.
The problem now is that she has influenced people around me, and I am being harmed by her fixation to destroy me. I believe she is a true malignant narcisist.
She will be all sweetness and light and flirt with others, in the same room, turn around and, under her breath, say she is going to get me, and then turns back to the others in the room and is again all sweetness and light.
Most of the time I'm not anywhere near her. I know what she is doing because of the snide comments that the new people at work say. And because of a few meetings I've had with my committee in the last year (e.g. my oral defense of my doctoral exam). She has all the time she wants to criticize me to my graduate committee (her colleagues), and I only see them a few times a year.
How do I protect my reputation and, dare I believe it is possible, actually improve my reputation, when I only have an hour meeting three times a year, and five minutes here and there with my other professors?
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| Reply from: |
fidew |
| Date: |
2/16/2006 12:39:00 AM |
| Reply: |
The issue is that this woman is destroying your career and you have no proof or any way to defend yourself right?
Drop by your local radio shack and get a nice little tape recorder and a microphone.
Tape her surreptitiously. More than once if you can stomach it.
Then play it for one of your other professors at the same time you ask for help with how to deal with this woman. try to look innocent and confused/perplexed when you ask for help. DO NOT ask if you can play it - they will likely refuse to listen. Play it THEN tell them you would like some help. |
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| Reply from: |
Screwballs |
| Date: |
2/27/2006 10:39:00 AM |
| Reply: |
One cannot legally tape or monitor another without the other party knowing about it. Unless it happens to be in the interest of the security of the nation as a whole, even then, other people have to be notified to consent to monitoring.
Now, if you're ready for a few suggestions here we go:
Avoid this person except when absolutely necessary. Never be left alone with her. Always try to have at least one other person with you at all times. It sounds like you're already doing this so keep it up.
I took an entire course in conflict management in graduate school. You have a couple of legal options. One, stop by your Human Resource Department and obtain their copy of Title VII, the Civil Rights Act of 1964. I can't imagine that they don't have a copy (as it's the law) but it case they don't have it, research this topic through a library. It's based on all types of discriminitive subject matter and not just one's skin color or gender. Discrimination covers a lot of different ground so you may be able to find something to nail this person legally.
The other thing I'm going to suggest is that you contact your local Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), again focusing on Title VII, the Civil Rights Act of 1964. The EEOC should be able to provide all the sources and materials you need to proceed legally. Good luck! |
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| Reply from: |
amazingk8 |
| Date: |
3/1/2006 6:45:00 PM |
| Reply: |
A previous poster said this "One cannot legally tape or monitor another without the other party knowing about it." which is not true. A telephone conversation is not admissable in court if neither participant was aware of the recording (if you are aware you're recording-that's enough). You can record whatever you want. You need to go to your Human Resources dept and/or go to the dean of your department. See if any of the other students who this awful woman has said things in front of would back you up. Just remember to remain calm and tell them you are concerned that her behavior might just open the university up to a law suit (sounds like the student who had been a car crash might like to know she was being discriminated against). They don't like that. Protect yourself but stand up for yourself. Professors, especially tenured profs, sometimes think they are brilliant minds whose personality problems should be wholly forgiven. I say poop on that. |
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| Reply from: |
amazingk8 |
| Date: |
3/1/2006 6:54:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Just to clarify for you-federal law and most state laws only require YOU to know you are recording a phone conversation though some states (the following list) do require both parties to be aware. I don't know what the rules are for recording face to face conversations.
California
Connecticut
Delaware
Florida Massachusetts
Maryland
Michigan
Montana New Hampshire
Pennsylvania
Washington |
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