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Stalker Boss
Posted by: loani
Date: 3/29/2006 4:39:09 PM
I am a female who has a male boss that follows me everytime I leave my desk. One time I came back to lunch early and caught him going thru my desk. When I asked him if I could help him find something he made up some bogus excuse. My husband caught him riding by our house on a day that I scheduled to be off. Whenever I am at my desk he is constantly in my office talking about nothing. I never have time to finish my work because of all the interruptions by him. He always gives me good performance reviews and tells me I do a good job. I've even asked him if I've done something that has caused him to feel he needs to check up on me and he reassures me I haven't. I'm starting to get a little creeped out. Other employees have also noticed the weird behavior. Any advice?
| Reply from: |
Docnoir |
| Date: |
3/30/2006 3:28:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Loani,
The first thing you need to do is document the incidents you described. Include as much detail as possible. Once you have your documentation I suggest you speak to your Human Resources department. It seems to me that your boss has crossed the line and is bordering on stalking. He seems to be creating a work situation that is making you uncomfortable.
You could also check your company policy on harassment. It may be helpful for you to know what the policy is before you go to HR.
Good luck!
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| Reply from: |
loani |
| Date: |
3/30/2006 4:58:00 PM |
| Reply: |
My boss is the HR Director. I'm afraid if I go to his boss then I'll look like the trouble maker. |
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| Reply from: |
Docnoir |
| Date: |
3/31/2006 1:37:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Loani,
That is why you need to document everything. Document who is witness to the boss's behavior. If you have the documentation and it shows a pattern of behavior you will not be perceived as the troublemaker. Also with your documentation if there is any retalitory behavior because of your report you are in a good position for a lawsuit. |
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| Reply from: |
sadlady |
| Date: |
4/4/2006 8:49:00 AM |
| Reply: |
Loani, Docnoir is right. Document everything. I didn't do that in my situation as my boss harassed me so much on a daily basis that I couldn't keep up with the documentation. Also, it wouldn't hurt to talk to the EEOC about this and get their feedback on what is happening. Good Luck! |
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| Reply from: |
marfar573 |
| Date: |
4/5/2006 1:41:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Does he have a supervisior? If so, you need to have a talk with him and ask him to mediate a talk between the two of you. Without knowing all the details, his behavior may be perfectly innocent (he's just a crappy person but not stalking you) or very serious (He's stalking you). If he is the owner or you have no other person to talk to, be prepared to be fired or to walk, then have a talk with him, with a neutral witness (someone from another department, a priest, etc) and tell him what is creeping you out. Set some limitations, such as, if he feels you are hiding things in your desk, he needs to look thru it while you are there and tell you what he is looking for. Of course, he can and may just fire you, but that is why you need a witness. Look for another job! |
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| Reply from: |
dawg_stylez71 |
| Date: |
4/20/2006 11:34:00 AM |
| Reply: |
Guardedly, I would agree with marfar573. **Stalking** can be very much a matter of perception. Given as other employees have also noticed, it is probably safe to assume that this behavior is not just in your head (i.e. you are not paranoid, this is really happening).
You may be dealing with someone who is mentally ill, or the explanation for the behavior may be entirely innocent. Remember that one of the commonly documented psychological effects of being put in a position of authority over someone is to impair one`s ability to intuit how that person perceives your behavior. Your supervisor may also (ironically for an HR Director) be socially inept and simply incapable of perceiving that what he is doing is making you uncomfortable, because he is too wrapped up in his own head.
Depending on your appearance, loani, and how your social signals are being misinterpreted, your HR Director may actually be **sweet on you**, as inappropriate as that may be (given as you are married), especially in view of the positive performance reviews.
It is very difficult to guess because I cannot see what is going on.
He is also the HR Director, so monitoring people may be part of his job, and if it is, it is also going to be part of his job to lie about whether he is monitoring someone if they ask. It is also possible that he has been told to monitor you, possibly because upper management suspects that you are engaged in some kind of misconduct (which may explain the desk searches and the lame excuses). If that is what is going on, you will certainly never get a straight answer. I only suggest this because you yourself suspected this was the situation, which naturally makes one wonder why you would think that you had done something that justified being checked on? |
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