How to work effectively with a difficult boss

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    Key Books


    You Want Me to Do What?: When, Where, and How to Draw the Line at Work


    How to Defend Yourself from an Abusive Boss: The Formal Complaint Process


    Throwing the Elephant: Zen and the Art of Managing Up

    Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace, 2002 Revised Edition

    Excerpt: "Every year, millions of Americans become victims of emotional abuse inflicted at work. They are damaged to such an extent that they can no longer accomplish their tasks. Co-workers, colleagues, superiors and subordinates attack their dignity, integrity and competence, repeatedly, over a number of weeks, months, or years. At the end, they resign--voluntarily or involuntarily--are terminated, or forced into early retirement. This is mobbing--workplace expulsion through emotional abuse. Ironically and sadly, the victims are portrayed as the ones at fault, as the ones who brought about their own downfalls."



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    Comments: [add a comment]

    User: americanspirit
    Date: 11/21/2004 9:49:00 PM

    One mans madness is everyones suffering. American Managerial Madness must be stopped dead in its tracks, or else there will be no future for the innocent children in these here United States. I have seen Madmen pass off their resumes as enlightened managers only to engage themselves in fits of violent and abusive behavior makeing a mockery of the very constitution that our sons and daughters have died for................ America, WAKE UP, ; American business; Wake up! Shame on a government that would place disfunctional slave drivers in every corner of the american workplace-------------------What a truly bad joke!, That slavery is alive and well in these here United States! my message: American Business, your formula is doomed to extinction, because you have placed retarded monkies as your store keepers...............


    User: anonymous
    Date: 9/5/2005 11:29:00 AM


    User: anonymous
    Date: 11/10/2005 10:03:00 PM

    damn dont this ring true!


    User: anonymous
    Date: 12/30/2005 8:24:00 PM

    I am a whistleblower and I have for the past ten years have been and continue to be retaliated against. My career was curtailed, my reputation destroyed by wanton malice. The lies were protected by anonymity, a shield Management uses to hide behind. I am on Jan. 4 2006 about to give a presentation on Workplace abuse to the very individuals, including the CEO who had taken part in these horrendous acts of violence. I will continue to lobby and bring out the truth, their shame will be my banner and I will wave it so all can see! It is ironic, they still do not realize that when they take everything away from you they lose their power over you!! The facts bear out the truth and a quote by Winston Churchill where he says they may deride the truth, they make attack the truth but in the end the truth remains unchanged. We no longer branish chains about our angles and wrist, they are now hidden, they bind our hearts and souls, we are the slaves of the 21st. century. Sherrill P. Gilbert


    User: anonymous
    Date: 4/13/2006 11:51:00 PM

    MObbing is a very common technique used in the workplace. This book aids in the revelation of it, and how to recognize it and make your decision as to how you and only you plan to deal with it. Even after reading this book I have not left my position, however, I have recognized the dreadful abuse that goes on daily, and also how manipulation and manipulative persons play a huge part in perpetuating this truly horrendous problem. If HR truly were not corrupt, if people truly were team players who cared sinerely for others, ther would be no need for any employer to resort to the tactics detailed in this very informative book. If you feel it --that gut feeling--that you are being mobbed, and please do think about it---as there are good employees out there --on the oher hand there are others that have no business having and/or holding a position due to their laziness and complete inability to perform (unless they are A+++ actors)read this book. Remember, there is a way to conquer these actions, but you have to be true to yourself-are you a capable, good performer who has is being victimized??? or are you a person who needs to straighten out? That being said, mobbing is sickening and can ruin people's health and lives-if you let it. Remember also, do not make your chosen profession your entire life-mobbers can pick up on this, work is work is work. Think about preventing this from happening, if you are completely miserable always, you must leave--is this how you want to live your life?


    User: anonymous
    Date: 5/2/2006 12:16:00 AM

    It's late and I'm tired, so I'll limit my comment to simply this: Bravo!


    User: anonymous
    Date: 5/2/2006 12:23:00 AM

    I didn't know how this thing operates--I thought my comment would reach a particular user. I intended to talk to americanspirit, the one who compared our storekeepers to retarded monkeys. I'm the one who said "It's late and I'm tired, so I'll limit my comment to simply this: Bravo!" What I meant was that I applaud americanspirit's message.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 9/22/2006 9:59:00 AM

    I watched a previous boss get rid of workers every February and November. It was sad but even sadder when it happened to me! I was told I talked to my refrigerator! I am not joking!!!!!


    User: anonymous
    Date: 9/27/2006 2:17:00 PM

    I have been researching mobbing and I don't feel so bad as it has happened to me off and on through the years. When I think of doing any kind of work whether a large company or small I get so nervous I can't see straight!


    User: anonymous
    Date: 12/8/2006 12:27:00 AM

    I WAS A VICTIM OF IT AND I STILL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENSES.THAT HAPPEN MANY YEARS AGO WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT . IS THIS SUPPOSE TO STAY LIKE THIS SHOULD I FIGHT BACK BE HONEST ALWAYS WANTED AND THERES WAYS TO TO FIND THOSE PERSONS. THEY LOST THE POWER OVER ME ALREADY. IT WAS MISERABLE NOW AFTER MANY YEARS I WANT JUSTICE. WHAT CAN I DO .


    User: anonymous
    Date: 12/16/2006 9:54:00 AM

    This sort of mobbing in the workplace is currently happening to me. I really do not know what to do. I can perform my job well. My supervisor is also involved in the mobbing. What can I do? This is happening daily.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 12/21/2006 3:18:00 PM

    This all rings so true. I am also in this situation - with my manager being the instigator of the "mobbing". Interesting how even with a very high work ethic, and good reviews, these kinds of things still happen to many of us. I can only hope that someday there will be some legislation to help protect employees from this, as there is in Europe. Seems like the US is always behind on things like this. Wonderful book - thanks!


    User: anonymous
    Date: 1/20/2007 12:00:00 AM

    I'm in the exact opposite situation. My manager uses concern and compassion as criticism and control; she says she wants us to be a team, while demanding (through body language and facial expression) that I obey her as unquestioned leader of the pack. I'm looking around in desperation to find another job as good as this one; I've already given up on this job.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 1/25/2007 10:59:00 AM

    The ironic thing about all of this is: those who choose to join in the mob and degrade others - are degrading their employer's compencies in hiring individuals. Once employers start to realize this, they can start looking into implementing anti -workplace violence programs.Diversity drives a workplace - but it MUST adhere to the COMPANY POLICIES not divide it.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 1/25/2007 11:11:00 AM

    Educate yourself on tort laws - within your state as well as personal injury lawyers. No one - should ever have to endure EMOTIONAL ABUSE from anyone within a workplace environment - EVER


    User: anonymous
    Date: 1/29/2007 10:02:00 AM

    sad or ironic thing, most of the abusers in a workplace setting - have a history of minor crimes ( traffic tickets, harassment, drunk driving - or drugs, may have relationship problems, verbal abuse at home, or there just mean and nasty individuals, that don't BELONG in a workplace. They're venting their personal issues onto others - to gain personal power - or "control over" others to make themselves appear as trustworthy individuals. Rest assure - they have deep seeded issues.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 1/29/2007 10:46:00 AM

    Do companies just randomly pick who there going to send to company EAP program when you file a grievence of this nature?, of course not, they wouldn't recommend that you see someone in EAP unless, they were aware that you were going through some harassment, which means THEY KNEW. They encourage you to come forward and file grievances. Most do an investigation. Do not allow HR to become combative with you with "we dont believe you" after investigation. This clearly outlines ignorance on their part. No one deserves to be victimized for coming forward.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 2/1/2007 12:41:00 PM

    Encourage your employer to install two GRIPE containers. Have them place at the employee entrance. One inside the door and one on the outside of the door. So when employees come in they can drop off their problems - and pick them up on their way out.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/26/2007 11:45:00 AM

    Does anyone have any recourse/ideas of how to bring down a chronic mobber. I have been a victim by a supervisor who has done this over and over to other staff. I had to leave to save myself, but I fear for whomever her next victim will be!


    User: anonymous
    Date: 6/30/2007 1:02:00 PM

    I am a product of mobbing in the workplace. It is taking a toll on my health as well as my job duties. I work for a combative manager who see things her way or the highway. I want to go above her head, and speak with her boss, but don't want to cause more friction in the workplace. Do anyone have suggestions as to how to handle this the right way?


    User: anonymous
    Date: 7/19/2007 8:47:00 PM

    I am going through the this. However I am actually relieved that someone has labeled it. I really thought something was wrong with. My boss (female) is even telling my co-workers to stay a way from me. I have lots a friends both in and out of work. I always have. Her abuse hurts deeply.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 7/23/2007 2:57:00 AM

    Mobbing in my part of developing country always ends with the victim being stoned to death or lynched set on fire after being doused with diesel/parafin. For me to have come across what described what i have been going through for the last 8 year from the chief chronic eliminator it was like falling in the arms of a saviour. Unfortunately for me, the mobbers have the blessings of the overall boss although he is only a representative. I am already seeing an industrial psychologist and have booked an appointement with the psychiatrist and a lawyer. I am doing this behind the scene for the sake of my sanity and health and for legal redress which i will take up if this does not stop once i forward the issue to HQ office. I have gone through severe emotional abuse such as: snide remarks - she is mad, confused,incompetent, thief, Emotional abuse during my most challenging moments, a child with down syndrome and her eventual death Memos to my file "to build a case" Denial of vacation days yet "am supposed to be incompetent and obnoxious" Verbal abuse from the main boss and appraisal inferring incompetence and - what is the opposite of intelligent?Anyway all i know friends all of you who are victims of this heinous crime just know you are one in a million and that is why but lets all bring this to book wherever we are and in whatever small ways we can.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 7/26/2007 9:13:00 PM

    PlEASE SEND HER A EMAIL ABOUT THESE CHATS ANONYMOUS< maybe then she will get the message, I myself is going to do this, but without her knowing. Who has sent it>>>


    User: anonymous
    Date: 7/29/2007 9:20:00 PM

    I have been reading the Mobbing book today and it is right on target. My boss is exercising her power by controlling everything you do down to who you can and cannot talk to. She has her little buddy brigade carrying out her dirty little tasks on those of us doing the work. I would love to take the book in and slam it on her desk and say "gigs up I know what you are doing" After she told me that no one likes me she has asked me to plan a party for one of her buddies who is graduating with a masters degree. That takes guts - but I am not sure how to tell her NO. But that is probably the test of it all.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 8/18/2007 4:44:00 PM

    Veronica C. I too, was a target of mobbing. In December 2006, I was hired as the first female investigator at a non-policing agency, amongst all retired male detectives. Prior to being hired, I worked as a Child Protective Specialist (a social Service agency within a city agency) and, to boot, I am an educated, attractive young woman, who is half the age of these men. The mobbing began just several weeks from my getting there and it went on for three months. These men intimidated, humilated and assaulted me (sprayed my face w/a water gun while I was working)until I got sick and was on the verge of a breakdown. I filed harrassment charges against three of six men and have returned to work since then. Yes, they alienate me in their way and have spread rumors that I am mentally unstable etc. but they do not prevent me from doing my work anymore. I know it's their insecurities and their issues not mine. Since then,I have educated myself on this matter and won't hesitate to protect myself the right way...and boy do they know this! Although going through all of this has caused me a lot of anguish, I have become emotionally stronger. I strongly believe in WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND!!


    User: anonymous
    Date: 8/24/2007 11:58:00 PM

    Anonymous I too believe I am a mobbing victim. To confirm my suspicions, I typed "silent treatment at work" on a popular search engine and up came the word "Mobbing" and later on "Bullying." My first reaction was, "Oh my God! There is an actual name for this ? Mobbing ? "If so, then this is really happening to me." I didn't know whether to be happy to realize that I was not crazy or to finally understand what was happening to me with this subtle change in behavior from my colleages at work, i.e. the silent treatment I received from my supervisor, who has done this to me for years, and the same treatment from my other collegues who have just started doing so six months ago." I believe this began with my supervisor and her best friend who is known to be malicious. Although people know this about her, I feel like I'm being punished for something. I've received snarled "Hellos" and "cut eyes from women in my office, people who I have always gotten along with for years. This is why this feels so unfair. I'm hurt and angry about all of this, especially since I know who perpetuated this. Upper management is also against me, as it is reflected in denied requests and unanswered requests. But I'm glad Dr. Leymann wrote this book and did studies on this to help many people since this seems to go unattended by the U.S. Workplace. I wish he was still alive so I could e-mail him and tell him thank you.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 8/31/2007 3:25:00 PM

    I also was witness to mobbing and eventually mobbed-as I had seen it for years. It's absolutely disgraceful that this continues to occur, usually damaging employees dignity, ethic, health, and self esteem-Human Resources are corrupt-oh yes I agree-how else would they keep their jobs?I read this book years ago and thought it very useful and necessary for anyone employed, as you never know when YOU will be the target. I had a boss who lied to get the job, lied to keep friends, lied about her abilities, and lies about most everything-pure slime behaviour-just remember everyone KARMA, try to let them go-try to let what they did to you go-I'm still struggling 6 mos later-and haven't been able to hold a job because of this internal mess that has been created - I once was quite dismayed that people "worked" the benefits, esp short and long term disability, now I care NOT-awful isn't it-I was a naive fool-instead of trying to fight them- think again- if you can just GET OUT ASAP


    User: anonymous
    Date: 10/16/2007 1:04:00 PM

    After having spent three years working for an emotionally abusive employer, both my co-worker and myself walked out on the same day. I've had a hard time finding a job ever since, as that was my first real job right out of school. It's not easy having to start over again at entry level, especially when it's not your fault. Good for you for putting this out there - the world needs to know!


    User: anonymous
    Date: 12/3/2007 9:34:00 AM

    I was a victim of this and it was pretty bad and have recently begun to find these blogs. I plan on using the company's name in everyone, maybe even publishing an article in a journal and using the company's name. This is my suggestion, use the company's name!!!!! Bad publicity!!!


    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/31/2008 4:58:00 PM

    Im a woman working in male dominated environment. I stayed optimistic about people treating genders fairly. But I was severely abused. More so than the male colleagues who were hired at same time as me. I am an easy target by other men, and also by other women.Many women at the office (few as they are) cannot bully the men for fear of them but they instead try to bully me. Strangely enough it was the women who were the most viscious, meanest bullies. I am a star player...I was grossly underestimated by everyone. My capabilities far exceed anyone's at the office. I am super nice to everyone and never gossip.I make very few mistakes.I've made some suggestions that have changed the way the firm does business. Then once these achievements were recognized and made known to all coworkers, people ganged up against me BIG TIME. Fortunately the senior manager saw that one woman in particular was spreading bad rumors about me...because she was jealous of me. Unfortunately the senior manager hasn't done much to stop her except to tell her that her behavior was unacceptable. The bullies are numerous and they share common characteristics; jealous, incompetent, mean, gossipers, two-faced, insecure, lazy and undervalue/underestimate the capabilities of a seemingly young attractive woman. Yes many women at my workplace undervalue me! I will have to move on soon. Sexual harrassment hasn't been an issue, and seems much more benign than mobbing. At least with sexual harrassment its easier to fix...just call the cops. But mobbing is harder to prove when you get silent treatment, hateful looks, rumors behind your back, withholding info, not passing on info I need to do my job. I will become an entrepreneur. Becoming self employed is the surest way for me to escape mobbing and to make full use of my talents and smarts. Im a fighter and I will win. I never back down.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 4/15/2008 9:22:00 AM

    I was hoping to complete 30 years of teaching as the retirement benefits are better. Do to emotional abuse from my boss I had to retire at 29 years. Thank God I could retire when I did but how sad to end my career with these awful feelings and memories. He still continues to undermine my happines and emotional health by playing tricks on me. I think he may have gotten into my personal computer and read my personal emails. If I say anything it just looks like I'm paranoid. He desparately wants my approval and support but I just can't give it him. He's used these same tactics on other employees and I worry about those teachers still under his dictatorship. He and his family have a reputation for being vindictive.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 4/15/2008 2:55:00 PM

    I am a graduate student being mobbed by the department head, some faculty and fellow students. It's the strangest thing. Most of it involves petty practical jokes which after awhile wear me down. The mobbers don't know me well enough to hate me in fact we have hardly spoken a word. It's what I represent that they hate. They sure know how to push my buttons because I am a nervous wreak whenever I am at the school. It's a really bizarre sick environment.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 7/10/2008 11:28:00 AM

    Whats amazing is that it not only happens in small companies or big corporations but also in municipal governements where you would think they would be extra careful to make sure this doesnt happen. But it does. I was reprimanded for upsetting my boss when I asked him for more training on a difficult project. Figure that one out.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 7/17/2008 3:52:00 PM

    I was mobbed by a very jealous woman and a obssessed male friend who got very possessive over me (despite the fact he was married) and spread some nasty rumours about me to keep the men from talking to me- I have now a really bad reputation and nobody talks to me -


    User: anonymous
    Date: 9/29/2008 9:16:00 PM

    WOW, What a revalation. I was looking for information about vendictive women at work and stumbled onto this. June of this year I had a staff meeting attended by supervisors (3) and the three other women I work with. The discussion was basically being more effecient and more focused on work. I admitted I was often unfocused. The following Tuesday my computer was gone & I was under investigation based on complaints and accusation from these 3 women and another 2 employees from the field. There were accusations of theft, affairs,improper dress, hostile work enviroment, and who knows what else since I have not had a pre-disciplinary hearing as of this date. My supervisor is also a victim in this as one of the women is friends with his manager. Wish me luck and I am off to get this book based on the comments by everyone here and topics mentioned in this book


    User: anonymous
    Date: 10/17/2008 3:02:00 PM

    I am so glad that there are books to support victims of this awful crime. I loved my old boss and my job but when she left due to the dysfunctional management, I was given a new boss who practices mobbing. I have watched her insult, put down and lie to other co-workers, tell them that they did not turn in reports only for me to see the report on her desk. I've seen my co-workers have asthma attacks, anxiety attacks, migraines- we tried going to her boss but she is protected by her- her staff either leaves or is fired. It is so sad to see that in our organization. I'm sad that this happens in so many workplaces. I love my job but the stress is insane.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 12/14/2008 7:16:00 PM

    Mobbing is one of the cause that led to the current financial downfall among many companies.Most of the companies are controlled by this mobs who only care about their ego.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 12/30/2008 5:30:00 PM

    Yes Sir- You are so correct..I have been a victim of mobbie-and they have tried their best ( Moron Manaagers-GM rejects-etc.My pay was cut in half-because the product I am responsible for-a high end -high cost product was not selling as they wanted.Self Destruct-Moron -Pig-Managers !


    User: anonymous
    Date: 1/15/2009 4:11:00 PM

    This has been going on for eons. It's not going to stop unless we have them all killed and make this world a better place to live in. Maybe you could make it look like an accident.



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