How to work effectively with a difficult boss

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    How to Survive and Get Ahead When Your Boss is A Tyrant, Control Freak, or Just Plain Nuts!

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    In fear of ex-boss

    Posted by: paranoidgal
    Date: 3/11/2009 10:38:56 PM

    Here's the deal -

    I worked for a guy for 90 days, from January to April. The job prospect was great, he was exceptionally nice and wanted me to take over and make his company better. This lasted about 2 months before we hit a wall with a project.

    I had no contact with this client on the project, couldn't ask questions, couldn't meet with anyone to go over what the project needed to have done. I asked and asked every question in the book, but got the same response from this boss, we can't talk to the client, we can't do this we can't do that. He even had the audacity to ask me to take home "homework" for this project. Needless to say when he wanted me to do the homework, I had to excuse myself from the room, compose myself and come back and assess the situation. I asked what the purpose of taking home homework would be if we didn't have a clear comprehension of what the project needed. I also stated, it didn't make sense to keep working on a project if we couldn't get the answer we needed to the questions we needed to ask.

    So, upon that, I churned out layout after layout of crap for this client and I was not happy about it. I did it though. Thinking if I could get through this project, we could work out what problems we were dealing with on this and not repeat them with the next. That never happened.

    I found out that he was checking and going through my email and found an email he didn't especially like. As the person who was in charge of running the department, it was my job to be in charge of everyone under me, be it freelancers, interns, etc.. So we had a gal who was attending college and would later be working full-time for us upon graduation. She was supposed to come in 2 days out of the week for 2-3 hours on those days. I got an email from her the second time she didn't show up to come in - not a good day for her. This boss railed on her in front of everyone in the office, saying how unprofessional she was and so on. So, me being in charge of the department, emailed her back to let her know this boss was very unhappy with her and that she might be receiving a very grumpy, bitchy email from him. I also stated to her that as a senior in college I understood that she was under a lot of pressure to get her degree and get her studies completed. I also stated that if she didn't think she'd be able to work while completing her degree, to let us know and she could start after she graduated.

    Yeah, so to make a long story short, he fired me. He said it was for personality reasons, but upon filing for unemployment, he told them something totally different and untrue. So, I went for 5 months dealing with this guy and going through a telephone hearing in order to clear myself of the untrue charges and accusations he was making. In the end, I won my unemployment benefits.

    To be honest though, I feel like crap everyday. This guy got way into my head and made me feel like I didn't have anything to offer to anyone with my talent and skills. I'm not sure how he did it, but I wish I had a way of getting rid of what he did. I'm constantly paranoid of this guy learning of where I work at now and ruining my name in the community I live in. I work at a really great place after searching for 8 months. I purposely left him off of my resume on the advice of several hiring managers and human resources colleagues.

    My husband says I need to let go of the past and move on, but I gotta tell you that it's very hard when you've been through something like this. I feel like I'm panicking everytime I see his name or see he's on a networking site I'm on.

    Can anyone give me advice on what I need to do to move on?

    paranoidgal

    Reply from: boss_sucks_dung
    Date: 3/25/2009 3:08:00 PM
    Reply: Refer to the post before your's, "Advice For Targets" there are some helpful words of wisdom there. And don't give your former asshole boss any credibility by paying any attention to or worrying about things he may be saying about you, after the fact. There's nothing you can do about talk, unless you want to hire a lawyer and sue the ex-boss for defamation of character, libel or slander, which you can only do if you have direct proof of this, when and if it ever happens. More inexpensively, you can make this ex-boss really nauseous if you refuse to ackowledge or defend yourself against any accusations. Instead, speak only incredulously about it all and highly of this ex-boss, as if you couldn't imagine WHERE these accusations would come from or why the boss would make them. That's the best way to treat this piece of shit jerk and what he says: as utterly inconsequential, of no worth or validity. Be and act better than him. Don't dignify his crap. Nobody deserves to be the victim of such unprofessional tactics, NOBODY and this includes YOU. Hey, you won the unemployment and found a better job, what MORE proof do you need of your own self-worth on the job?
    Reply from: boss_sucks_dung
    Date: 3/25/2009 3:08:00 PM
    Reply: Refer to the post before your's, "Advice For Targets" there are some helpful words of wisdom there. And don't give your former asshole boss any credibility by paying any attention to or worrying about things he may be saying about you, after the fact. There's nothing you can do about talk, unless you want to hire a lawyer and sue the ex-boss for defamation of character, libel or slander, which you can only do if you have direct proof of this, when and if it ever happens. More inexpensively, you can make this ex-boss really nauseous if you refuse to ackowledge or defend yourself against any accusations. Instead, speak only incredulously about it all and highly of this ex-boss, as if you couldn't imagine WHERE these accusations would come from or why the boss would make them. That's the best way to treat this piece of shit jerk and what he says: as utterly inconsequential, of no worth or validity. Be and act better than him. Don't dignify his crap. Nobody deserves to be the victim of such unprofessional tactics, NOBODY and this includes YOU. Hey, you won the unemployment and found a better job, what MORE proof do you need of your own self-worth on the job?
    Reply from: happier
    Date: 5/19/2009 12:07:00 PM
    Reply: I am going through something very much the same as you. I have not found work yet but I may have a job really soon. I feel that I have to let go of the bad feelings because in the end the only person that is hurt is myself. I also think that if I can't let it go that I will be physically ill over it as well. My problems right now are that I am still fighting for my unemployment after 6 months. I won the phone hearing but he has contested it again. I am sure that if they go in my favor again he will take me to court. I don't know why he has to do this other than the fact he does not like to lose at anything and will go to any lengths to win. Plus he hates to lose to a woman. The job that I may take is in the same field as his and the only satisfaction that I will have is to have the customers that I serviced all these years change over to me. I am sure it will happen as I have been approached by many of them who are waiting for me to open an office. I am so much happier and so much healthier since all of this has happened and I am thankful that finally I am out of there. I pray that you will be happy and let this all go...someone in our local employment office told me recently. "Do not let them define who you are". I believe that was very good advice as it is so easy to let it bother you and feel inadequate...but it is not true.

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