How to work effectively with a difficult boss

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    Key Books


    What Your Boss Doesn't Tell You Until It's Too Late: How to Correct Behavior That Is Holding You Back


    Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace, 2002 Revised Edition


    169 Ways to Score Points With Your Boss

    Learning to Manage Passive-Aggressive Bosses

    "Have you ever had a boss who was smart, witty and just the right amount of driven yet you didn't love working for her? You aren't alone. I had a classic passive-aggressive boss and suffered until I learned some strategies for dealing with her."

    Email Link  |  iFaveIt  |  Read: ivillage.com



    Comments: [add a comment]

    User: rinsky
    Date: 9/19/2004 2:51:00 AM


    User: anonymous
    Date: 11/6/2005 4:54:00 PM

    Walk on egg shells, live in fear, you do not know when the quake strikes, expect sabotage, prepare to be infected with schizophrenia, I personally believe that schizophrenia is the end result of constant(abuse, fear), until the person completely loses sight of what was reality like. It is very important, for anybody works in such an environment, to know that your boss is sick and it is really could be infectious if you Do Not Watch-Out, many people lose their sanity (temporarily), because you have to constantly decipher boss's moves and meta-messages. I suggest, anybody reads this, is to educate yourself psychologically[ search google for "Personality Disorder"], and get vaccinated against this insidious disease, we can have complete control over our sanity.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 1/27/2006 1:28:00 PM

    I am dealing with a boss who trash talks me to other employees/her friends( I can tell, because these fellow employees used to be my friends as well before the boss became the boss and now I get mean looks from these people)..and to top it all off, yesterday all the employees got a memo from corporate saying that gossiping and bad mouthing other fellow employees would not be tolerated and that we should be more focused on being a "team"...I think my boss is more interested in drawing a line in the sand with her buddies...if she hates you, all the other employees must hate you too or you will now become her new target. I think she is directly behind the memo from corporate so she can cover her own behind. Help, I really love my job and I dont know what to do. This "Boss" used to be just one of us and now she's turned into (maybe she always was) this conniving, manipulative person who seems to find enjoyment in humiliating me.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 2/22/2006 5:54:00 AM

    i am dealing with an aggressive disturbed man who has too many issues. he has no human relation skills he yells for everything and nothing is to his experties. Everything is a problem to him and all he cares about is himself and talks about other employess behind their back and is always threatening me and others if they dont respect. but does he?? he verbally justifying constantly that he is the boss and he can degrade you with his words. HE will say things like, i will fire you, if i didnt want you here i will get rid of you, im the union, i have power... he is childish and prude. he has no managerial skills nor education.. my belief is that this man is bipolar.. He jumps from mood swings in a matter of seconds.. unfortunetly i dont work for the union i work as a private sector employment where there is no help for "just cause" at will employment says a boss can speak to you and fire you at any time with no specifications.. How fair is that???


    User: anonymous
    Date: 2/28/2006 5:52:00 PM

    Creating a hostile work environment is as illeagle, in the workplace, as sexual harrassment. You should not have to put up with it. You have to earn a living, no one should make you do that with a knot in your gut. Document it, and check out other options according to your particular situation.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/7/2006 11:31:00 AM

    My husband's boss is the most irresponsible manager I've ever seen. He's never around, coming in just two days a week for a total of two or three hours at a time. He disciplines people based on what other employees tell him and he never follows up on any of the promises he makes. It's disgusting to see that my tax dollars go to pay this fool's salary. My husband works for a local community college where there is little supervision of the employees in his work group. His boss holds him to a much higher standard than he does any of the women in the workplace and is constantly sexually harassing these women. They don't seem to mind the sexual harassment because they use it against him to get their way. The ring leader is an old red-headed witch that delights in watching other employees fight. She instigates most of these fights, with her and my husband's boss' approval. He says he likes to "keep things stirred up". Apparently, he's bored at home and thinks it's ok to maintain this hostile work environment. My husband is obssessed with finding a way to get out but has been unable to find a comparably paying job in our area. The benefits are great and he loves his work but I'm afraid he'll get ulcers if he keeps working for this tyrrant. He's contacted the state agencies that are supposed to be in charge but has been told that he must be able to prove all of his charges in writing before they'll even get involved. It's disgusting to have to come to work in an environment that you hate just because you need a job to maintain your family! I have never wished any harm to anybody but I sure hope he leaves the state soon!


    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/12/2006 8:23:00 PM

    One motivation for pitting one against another employee is to keep the employees from turning on him and tearing him apart. Think Art of War, The prince, 48 laws of power.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/19/2006 5:02:00 PM

    My boss is very obsessed with her power and uses it to stroke her ego. She comes across as very personable and caring, asking questions and talking in a very sincere way. But the minute she gets a chance, she writes us up about very nitpicky things. I've worked for the same company for almost 30 years and have never felt so uncomfortable with my boss. It's at the point where I've lost my trust in her and do not feel she is sincere in any way. Unfortunately, I'm still a ways off from retirement.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/21/2006 7:23:00 PM

    I work as a graphic designer. My boss is completely unqualified for her job. Jobs, however, can be learned if you're honest with yourself. She isn't. If she let her employees use their skills and knowledge, she'd be doing a better job. She micro-manages every detail of every job, she keeps details that would help us understand the assignment better parceled out in meager measure and she never allows any of us to talk directly to the person that the assignment is for. There are some very creative and savy designers that work here, but they will never build a decent portfolio of work as long as the boss is involved. Instead, we turn out competent, but completely unimaginative and ineffective work day after day.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 4/10/2006 2:38:00 AM

    I am currently working on a new job which I have never had the experince of ever doing this kind of work before! It really isn't my boss she is home sleeping when I am working. I work at a hospital and learning to be an admission clerk. I do some mistakes and man oh man you would think the world was coming to an end! The PA's either yell at me or the nurses do! I am losing my self estem over it all. I don't alway make alot of mistakes but some are little and some are big but at least I know when I made then and can fix then but problem is they expect me to do better. I just don't know how to deal with it all and never see my boss to talk to her, have to make appointments and sometime can't cause she is out of the office. I just need to know how to handle people with problems they can't deal with!!


    User: anonymous
    Date: 4/10/2006 8:32:00 PM

    I work in retail with a passive aggressive department head. An example of this behavior would be celebrating birthdays for all the other people in my department (I contributed to all their gifts & cakes)but nothing is mentioned when it is my birthday. Another is when I request off, which I earn the time for, and she puts me on the schedule anyway.She also shows favoritism regarding scheduling by telling certain people, on the side, to come in and work on their "days off", Naturally, I am not one of her favorites. I've tried to figure out what I must be doing wrong, because people outside of my department are always complimenting me on a good job. I've even had numerous positive comments from customers. About all I can come up to explain her behavior is that I don't tell her the sun rises and falls on her (like the others do)if you get what I mean. Any advice would be greatly welcomed.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 4/17/2006 4:01:00 PM

    When a boss has no legtimate reason to bully you by deaming or yelling, how should you deal with it practically speaking? Should you say, you're making my blood pressure rise and making me ill and tell them you are going home for the day.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 4/28/2006 12:00:00 AM

    To anon posted who posted on 4/17. I used to work for someone who would fly off the handle for the smallest thing, or whenever his boss would yell at him. I put up with it for a while trying to find other ways to handle him until one day I said: enough is enough. I found the moment when he was not angry and I told him in a calm and firm tone about all the yelling, how unprofessional it is and how hard it is for me to do my job under those conditions. He had the nerve to tell me that maybe we had different standards of yelling; what I considered yelling to him wasn't. I was stunned but I was able to reply and say that if I am uncomfortable around him and cannot do my job because he yells, than to me it is yelling, and maybe this was normal for him because he was yelled at so much that he thought this was the state of being. I said I found it unacceptable. Should have seen his face, he did not expect it. He left me alone after that, there was no more yelling but he wasn't my friend and he was not going to support me after that. I knew it going in but I had to do something about it. Oh well, I was pregnant at the time and left with maternity leave. I used the time to find a new job and thus far, I have not heard any yellling. The way I see it, we trade our time and skills for a pay check and job advancement, we shouldn't have to trade our freedom, peace of mind and dignity.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 6/21/2006 11:24:00 AM

    I work at a job that has favoritism to a coworker who has "seniority". The environment I work in has about 6 employees staffed. This section of the company are all afraid or close minded in speaking up about how he openly favors this one employee. It has been putting me in the hot seat because my hours are constantly being changed every few months to really satisfy her schedule, and my boss is so one sided about things, i am at my wits end. I am a college student who cannot wait for the day I can tell my boss what I really feel, as I can never truly just communicate with him about how wrong this is and how it affects not just me, but others in our work environment. I am afraid he will mention one alternative, to leave. I am not ready to do that, so what do i do? Help.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 7/4/2006 5:50:00 PM

    None of these links work. This is ridiculous.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 7/12/2006 9:28:00 PM

    It is very difficult to work for a boss who is bipolar. Although I was one of her "favorites" and therefore not directly subject to her ranting and raving, it created a very uncomfortable environment. I was constantly trying to talk to her about being fair and reasonable and fighting for my colleagues jobs. In two years she fired 14 people. (We were a small private company with a whopping six person staff .....) I went to my boss's home just before Christmas and she was ranting about our accountant, convinced that she was stealing. My boss had drawn a picture of our accountant hanging from a noose with the words "Die (name of person) Die" written on the poster sized post it. This was hanging above the pool table where her children played. I was upset and shocked. The kids laughed about it. I finally realized that there was no hope and I resigned. LIfe is too short. If you are in a bad spot you often think that y ou are not going to be able to find another job because working for a bipolar person ruins your self esteem. Get a back bone and leave. You might need some therapy. You are worth it.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 8/17/2006 5:09:00 PM

    How do you work for someone that you don't respect. My boss does a horrible job, but she has no one to be accountable to. I just graduated from college, so feel lucky to have a job. I feel like if I were to say anything to her or to the human resources department that it would make things worse. I try not to take things personally, but it is really impacting my self-esteem. I need some advice on how to not let things get to me and some strategies to talk to her without losing my mind!


    User: anonymous
    Date: 8/23/2006 3:44:00 PM

    I have a young (28) boss that doesnt give job descriptions or reviews. He has never asked his staff questions unless it is brought up by his boss, the CFO. He flies off the handle and yells at every little thing, stating that he wasnt told and that he cant be held responsible. He is reactive and not proactive. He acts like he knows everything and noone could possibly have any knowledge that he doesnt already have. I have been working here for almost 1 year and not once has he given any feedback except negative. He claims that he didnt receive e-mails but when they are shown to him, he denies that they got to him. Good news though! He's quitting!


    User: anonymous
    Date: 9/13/2006 6:52:00 AM

    I work for a passive-aggressive, local government agency head whose contrarian ways make for an uncomfortable & threatening work environment. Did I mention she is a control-freak? She is in her late 50's, has never been married and acts like a spoiled child. I too, have over 20 years before I may retire and dread the sense of powerlessness that comes with this job. What makes it particularly conflicting is the fact that I love my co-workers and find real purpose in my work. I work for a passive-aggressive, local government agency head whose contrarian ways make for an uncomfortable & threatening work environment. Did I mention she is a control-freak? She is in her late 50's, has never been married and acts like a spoiled child. I too, have over 20 years before I may retire and dread the sense of powerlessness that comes with this job. What makes it particularly conflicting is the fact that I love my co-workers and find real purpose in my work.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 9/14/2006 4:01:00 PM

    I would love too have read this article. It is currently unavailable does any one have any idea on where else I might fing the article???


    User: anonymous
    Date: 9/24/2006 5:00:00 AM

    I work at the same nursing home for 8 years now, and we got all new bosses since the dearly missed one's have retired. I am not sure if the things they do are legal or not. One, is how they boot as much Medicare patients from their list to move in until they get a private insured patient or if the time of unocupied bed is costing them then they will except the Medicare patient. Also, they have there favorites, meaning our ward clark/ scheduling lady has a daughter who is a cna too, and she is always on the same easy as hell hall all the time, yet every one else has to move all around. Third, is how they corner CNA and say the most unimaginal things because they know that they are young and do not know how to stick up for hem selfs. They are always making girls cry. Fourth, is how they threaten CNA's on winning if they took them to court. Our last CNA mandatory meeting said lunch will be provided; which they do from time to time, but that time it was a complete joke on us with their intentions being rude. Sure we ate; purred nursing home food that is. I CNA refused to eat the meat and our boss said, "I want to see you after the meeting. Well she cornered her and all I know she left crying. I did not see the point in the meeting because she descibed things that she feels is happening during meal time/ feeding time. What to do or how to find out is my question? MYSTICAL


    User: anonymous
    Date: 9/29/2006 6:43:00 PM

    I just started a job about 3 mos ago and really thought it was going to be perfect. I did not take me long to see why they were hiring and had experienced a lot of turnover. The manager has some issue. You never know what kind of mood he is going to be in. and I sit in my cubicle dreading to go and ask him a question. He is constantly contradicting himself, but of course, would never admit that he is wrong. You would not believe how he talks to the other employees. I have heard him on the phone with his wife and he talks to her the same way. What am I going to do? The hours, pay and other people are good, but I have to work about 6 feet from him.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 10/12/2006 10:30:00 PM

    Whta to do when your boss has 2 groups of staff. group a - she likes; group b- she dislikes. I'm in group a and let me tell you it's not easy. She is constantly in my office or pacing outside my door. I have taken to pile items in the chair in my office to keep her from sitting. Many times she comes in , sits and says" you don't have to talk to me; I'm just going to sit here. Help !


    User: anonymous
    Date: 10/13/2006 2:58:00 PM

    My boss is totally passive aggressive. She acts like a jr. high school girl. Sometimes I am on her good side and that mean talking to me about the dude in the mailroom she likes (who uses her to borrow money). When I am not on her good side (i.e. wore a skirt she disliked or closed my door at lunch, no i am not joking), she badmouths me to others. She badmouths everyone, even her closest friends here. People realize this so take her comments with a grain of salt. It is just a fearful environment.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 10/13/2006 3:00:00 PM

    What corporations don't realize is that employees usually quit 'managers', not 'jobs' If they saw turnover that was more than normal, they would deduce it was the management of the position(s) and fire that manager.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 1/30/2007 3:48:00 PM

    my husband is the only male in his office. the wormen commiserate over female topics, excluding him all the time. he wasn't experiencing any job-related problems until his boss decided it was time to reclaim her all female office. she is making it miserable for him, placing demands on him that she places on no one else. for example, while his co-workers wander in whenever they feel like it or need to due to an "unforseen emergency," she laughs it off and looks the other way. my husband, however, was written up two weeks ago for arriving at 8:01 a.m. (no joke) and warned that another tardy would result in termination. he is wonderful at his job, and his clients rave openly about his work. he's the only one at the agency with the education and licensure to do his job. his boss doesn't care. i'm worried he'll be fired! if he is, our family will lose everything. pray that he finds another job soon. he goes into work each day in fear of being fired for no legitimate reason, and by the way he acts at home, i think he's battling depression (weight loss, loss of interest in everything, not taking care of himself, etc). i feel so scared and alone. i don't know how to help him.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 2/2/2007 4:08:00 AM

    This is good to get this off of my chest. My boss is a an asshole!!! ONe day he is happy one day he is straight up mean. He wants to question things and when I try to respond he cuts me off yelling "wrong". I never know from day to day how secure my job is, I get knots in my stomach before work and before I leave in the morning. I work in commissions, if I don't do good on the phones, he makes me feel as if something is seriously wrong w/me. He totally belittles me. I can't stand it. ughhhh. I will be trying to find a better job. whew that felt good!!! Good luck to all you others dealing w/a bipolar bastard.!!!


    User: anonymous
    Date: 2/6/2007 5:39:00 PM

    My boss is a passive aggressive female that try's to demand respect. I have worked for many female employers and have had no problems. It seems that she was burnt by men in the past and now feels it is her duty to be in absolute control over them. She is polite in person, but her tone and body language are fake. She doesn't respond to emails promptly and pretends not to get them at all. She is EVIL! Women managers. Don't feel like you have to prove yourself to men. Some men actually have respect for your position and don't need to be tossed around in order to sense it.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/6/2007 6:46:00 PM

    My boss is passive aggresive, won't give phone messages, denies previous instructions, withholds information, even taking papers out of a file on my desk and lying about it. (I later saw him with those papers) He also can't look at you in the eye, he avoids eye contact. When I started witht his company he openly included me in converstions regarding his sexual perversions (hookers etc) and his drug use. Since I wouldn't 'bite' he does not like me and certainly won't tlak to me. I feel both blessed and targeted. Hmmmmm, maybe his wife will find out about the hookers....


    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/11/2007 3:32:00 PM

    My boss will bullshit the day away with anyone and everyone but when I need to speak to him about something I am doing he just doesn't want to hear about it-he will go as far as to pick up his phone while I am asking him a question! He is also king of the last minute project or starting something major when he is going to be out of the office. I think he just doesn't want to do his job or offer any guidance whatsoever.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/12/2007 10:09:00 PM

    I am dealing with a boss who is refuses to be clear about expectations and simply doesn't respond to requests for any clarity whatsoever. Her lack of professionalism and childishness (in this regard) is all the more frustating in that she is a psychologist. It frustrates and saddens me because I have no interest in winning at her game, I just need to gain clinical hours required to sit for licensure and want to know the specific work expectations and scheduling information so I can plan my schedule and do what is necessary to get the work done. She heads the clinic so aside from leaving the work there is little I can do but doggedly set limits each time she crosses a boundary (which is every day). It is a combination of severe organizational problems and I guess growing passive-aggressive coping. VEry hard to concentrate when having to deal with this. I am looking for another job and in the mean time doing the best I can do for the clients.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/22/2007 8:45:00 PM

    Ahh, if only we lived in a perfect world. In fact, our office had a perfect group three years ago, until one of the old timers retired. Then, our boss hired an inadequate, inefficient, no computer skills, slow learner employee. Everyone knows she's not qualified for the job but our boss doesn't see it or just does not want to deal with letting her go. So, we all have to suffer with the endless mistakes and she not meeting deadlines. No matter how many time you try to help her to guide her so that she doesn't make the same mistakes. In the long run, he will have to answer to the mistakes. He wants to be the nice guy but he's not doing his job. What kind of boss is that? I am dismayed and they want her to be my back up when I'm on vacation. I distrust her ability to do an accurate job and she creates more work for me when I come back to the office. I feel my boss is not doing his job to correct this situtation.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/29/2007 12:22:00 PM

    My boss takes her personal problems into the office daily. She is a director and manages a team of young employees who are smart and driven and committed. She talks about how depressed she is and takes it out on her employees, it is such an obvious display of burdening her employees with her personal problems. (I try really hard not to buy into this but the younger employees are confused by it). Have you ever felt that you had to sacrifice your integrity in order to create a semi-tolerable work environment? I feel that way all the time, I have no respect for this woman, yet I will entertain her mundane and ridiculous conversations and whining..I hate that I do that, but if I don't, I think she would fire me due to her feelings being hurt. crazy!


    User: anonymous
    Date: 4/13/2007 3:21:00 PM

    my boss is the PA from hell. She feels threatened by employees who know more than she does in certain areas, but I am thinking, isn't that why you hired us, because you can't do the work y yourself? Or did you hire people so you couldhave "croonies," who hung onto your every word and spread Palm leaves before you woalked by. SHe has set herself against me because I have aspiratoins outside of this job, and she is suppoed to be the only person in the office capable of having or fulfilling goals. She goes back and forth betwen trying to turn me into her slave and trying to make me think I am stupid..but see I have had a boss like this before-and the key is, write down everything they tell you to do. even if it is tedious, so when they contradict themselves, youhave dated notes. she needs therapy.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 5/10/2007 11:42:00 PM

    Listen.... don't be miserable. Start looking for a new job. Interview. Take a vacation. Find the door. You can't change a manager and if they haven't been fired by now, they won't be. Life is short. There are other jobs. You deserve to be happy. And if you can on the way out, let the jerk know what you think of them... it will work wonders for your self esteem. Good luck. Have faith and be strong. Your better than that job. Move on.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 5/20/2007 11:53:00 AM

    Thank you all. I thought it was just me. I too have a passive aggressive boss who won't answer questions or even repsond when I talk to him. It also seems that I should know everything that ever happened or will happen. i am excluded from conversations and decisions that effect me and I will have to follow up on. Then made to feel incompetent when I have no idea what he is talking about. Important details are kept intentionally kept from me so that I don't have enough information to be n control of my own projects. Did I mention that I am the only woman in this very small office? I have become an insecure and anxious person. I have started to second guess every move I make and live in mortal fear of making a mistake, which just causes me to make small and stupid mistakes. I must leave but the golden handcuffs....you know? Thank you everyone for posting and letting the rest of us know that we may still be viable people in the workplace and that a bi polar, passive aggressive boss's perspective is deeply skewed. Now, if we ever have the opportunity to manage we must remember to value our employees and not take out past experiences on them. I have found though that when I decide not to be afraid of my boss and behave in accordingly, he tend to back off. Good luck and thanks again.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 5/31/2007 4:32:00 PM

    ok- how many of you have actually worked for someone yes, another 50-something single control-freak) who became so obsessed with you that she began to buy clothes that exactly matched yours (i'm talking style, color, print, maker), actually said to you "women like you are the reason women like me can't find a man" AND, after commenting that the birthmark over your lip was "attractive" came in with one penciled in the next day?? I'm not making this up- the truth is weird enough. what's up with this woman and how do you deal with someone like that? aside from reporting her to the mental health authorities.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 6/8/2007 10:33:00 AM

    I work for an passive aggressive female boss who doesn't like me. I am not sure why this is because she's never bothered to tell me, just as she has never bothered to acknowledge virtually any of my achievements at work, such as my ability to motivate others. She finds fault with what I do, how I do it and with who I am as a person, but never shares what those things are. It's as if I am expected to be a mind reader and will know what's bugging her through sheer osmosis. Trying to talk to her is an exercise in futility as she never looks at me or in my eyes - ever. She doesn't respect me and agrees with the negative comments jealous subordinates will make about me, behind my back and skewered towards their side. Not once has she ever asked me to speak to my side of the story. I simply don't matter. I've reached the end of the road. I can't fight any more.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 6/8/2007 12:44:00 PM

    When I took this job 8 months ago, my computer skills enabled the job to run more efficiently & simplified my boss’s job as well. From the very beginning, whenever I’d him a question, he'd seem to be busy, or give me a vague, or one or two word answer. He'd also exclude me from things that I should have been informed about. The main project of the year took place this past May. After it was completed, several people told me what a wonderful job I’ve done. My boss said nothing. During my evaluation this past week, he didn't acknowledge anything (except for my good attitude & enthusiasm) – well there's a plus. The rest were complaints. If I did something wrong at the very beginning & then corrected it, he remembered that I did it wrong & wrote it down. He never mentioned the May project, or how I’ve met all the deadlines prior to that, or anything else that was good. I feel that everything I’ve accomplished went to hell. I’m currently trying to boost my enthusiasm again, but it’s so difficult now.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 9/15/2007 11:37:00 AM

    No matter what, passive aggressive bosses are always more obvious than they think. Although, they are insecure and have to nit pick at their employees they don't like, you will always have the pleasure of knowing that all of the employees they mistreated are slowly smearing their character in the work community and area. I have watched my boss slowly undermine and sabatoge employees with double standards and lack of guidance and interest in the growth of their employees. Purposefully being vague, but also telling the employee to not go overboard with the assignment. In the end it counts as another negative point against you because you don't take initiate...aka (read their f'in mind). Often times they are fairly unapproachable when you need direction or clarification. They act like they are too busy at that time which really means "sorry, you aren't my favorite so take a number." I also love the unabashed use of the triple question mark on work that patiently waits on your desk in the morning. "what were you thinking??? why can't you read my mind??? why can't you divide the loaf of bread into 1,000 pieces???" What goes around comes around though. Passive agressive bosses and managers in reality are on the lower strata of the food chain. They are insecure because deep down they know they lack competance and are not very good at what they do and their type "a" clients let them know they suck and take advantage of them. So get your resume up to date and get off the sinking ship at the next stop because bosses like that usually steer it into the bottom.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 9/30/2007 1:41:00 PM

    This has been helpful to read. I just started a new job in a school where I work closely with someone much higher in job status than me who has 20+ years on the job. However, he is not my supervisor (I work in his classroom but I report to the Special Ed Dept). In 8 days at work he has already mangled my name (not a difficult name) for several days until I had an opportunity to correct it, he told me at 3 pm Friday about a challenging new assignment that starts Monday, and when I was frantic about a missing child he let me dangle for 10 minutes and never did tell me that he knew the child was in the nurse's office. I think what I will do is simply do my thing and let the chips fall where they may. Unfortunately I need this job for my teacher licensing program so I can't bomb out. I could, however, change jobs although I hate to do that to the child I work with.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 10/8/2007 12:08:00 PM

    I am a corporate trainer. There is a director within our company that loves to interrupt me and even sit down at my computer and take over my presentations. At one point he even said to me and the class of 72 employees "this is what you trainers should be doing....and what are you good for?" I was humiliated! As a result of this 'know it all' and due to the numerous times he has done this, I nor any of his employees feel confident that he will not degrade us in front of management and our peers. Our desire to speak up and contribute has dwindled and the company ask why? I feel he is an immature and selfish individual. I truely feel for those in his home... I wonder what his spouse and kids must go through! He loves holding people hostage emotionally. Would it be worth it to yell back at him infront of everyone? He is "best friends" with the senior VP and in her eyes he hung the moon! This one bad apple has driven us all into seclusion! Bosses, check the ego at the door!


    User: anonymous
    Date: 11/8/2007 3:22:00 PM

    My ex-boss did this: she would never speak to me about what the real problem was... if she didn't like something, if she had a problem with something, if there was a question about something I did - she would EMAIL me about it. For instance, she had a question about a fax, but instead of ASKING me about it when she handed me the confirmation sheet, she ran to her office, shut the door and called the corporate office to talk about it. THEN she EMAILED me ... Passive-Aggressive at it's finest ...


    User: anonymous
    Date: 11/10/2007 11:13:00 PM

    I work for a verbally abusive attorney. I am supposed to be her Assistant, but I am not included in regular office meetings, and I often have caught her and her associate (brown-nose) in the parking lot having conversations. They split up as soon I walk up, or even when I walk into the office. She told me that because I don't have a law degree she doesn't put me in the same "caliber" as everyone else (I may not have a JD, but I guarantee as a professional I walked into a court room more times before the Assoc. was out of diapers). She even called the personnel agency that placed me and she talked behind my back to the agent I work with. (the agent let me know right away what she did and is trying to get me out of there asap). There are only 4 of us in this office. It's not hard to figure out where the bs is coming from. This woman is such a SNOB. She micromanages and loses important documents ALL THE TIME. Her office is a mess of stacks of paper. I organize it, she has no awareness of her environment and within minutes it's a mess again. Totally unconscious. We got into a heated discussion yesterday and I posed a question I already knew the answer to, but I wanted to stun her. She looked like a deer in the headlights. I calmly said, "Can I ask you a question? How long was the person before me here?" Long silence, she's looking up at the ceiling for the answer, then she says. "She decided she wanted different work". I said "How long?" staring her down. She finally answered "3 months" (I knew this.) Then I said, "And the person before THAT?" She gave me a whole long list of employees and how long they lasted. What an idiot. God help me get out here fast.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 2/22/2008 3:07:00 PM

    crumbs, no one has any good advice for handling the situation except to walk!


    User: anonymous
    Date: 2/28/2008 10:42:00 PM

    Working with a passive aggressive boss places limitations on growth, communication, and team work. Talking behind someones back is also such a tacky thing to do! I just don't get it, open your mouth and say what the problem is instead of talking to other people about it.


    User: chew
    Date: 3/20/2008 1:13:00 PM

    To anonymous with "crumbs", God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Although targets of workplace bullying suffer the same post-traumatic disorders as POW's, it is the POW who is prisoner in the truest sense and should be acknowledged accordingly for what is endured in the name of freedom. Initially, as a target, it is ok and perhaps commendable to sway tactfully and judiciously these bullies, in the hopes to one day reign victorious in the good cause of truth and justice. Unfortunately, the reality is as such, that the right to work with one's dignity intact is dearly lacking in many a workplace. There is no glory in staying with an employer after all reasonable avenues have been exhausted and, yet, the assaults continue. When the people in authority turn a deaf ear to one of their own, a crossroads has been reached and a decision must be made. Shall a spouse return to an abuser? A dog to his own vomit? Fight the good fight, and rally for the Healthy Workplace Bill, so that all bullies will be held accountable. Walking away is just the beginning. workplacebullyinglaw.org


    User: anonymous
    Date: 9/29/2008 4:08:00 PM

    I started my job 2 months ago and I'm just startint o learn the basics (accounting job, about to go to school for it but know nothing about it so far). I LOVDE my job because I'm learning new things. My boss used to be awesome. But for whatever reason, she's acting like a queen bitch right now. She used to invite me with her group for lunch and now she doesn't. For whatever reason, she thinks that I continually bypass her about my responsibilities (she has it in her head that I talk directly to her boss before talking to her about my responsibilities which is not true!) although her boss heard the two of us talking about running out of things to do. Mind you, my boss supervises me but can't make any important decisions about my responsibilities. We had a meeting last week where her boss laid out a few things that I can add on to my duties (as long as it doesn't interfere with my duties with my boss) and everything seemed fine until the next day when my boss is litereally down my throat about not asking her first about what I need to do, about how she felt out-of-place during the meeting, etc. The other day, the person (who is NOT my boss) who I'm supposed to help out if I have nothing to do started yelling at me because of a miscommunication and my boss was right behind her looking happy while this lady just flat out SCREAMED at me (remember, this is a miscommunication, she didn't give me clear enough instructions). Now, my boss seems to relish pointing out that I'm the one who wants more responsibility whenever I ask her about things that are just remotely connected to what the meeting decided and she flats out ignores me during lunch hour, even backtracking if she sees me on her path. What do I do??? I really love and need this job!


    User: anonymous
    Date: 10/23/2008 7:31:00 PM

    I work for a complete tyrant who is narcissistic and is not tolerant of other people's work styles and approaches. It is her world and the rest of us just live in it. She manages by using fear statements and obfuscation. She is very impatient with people who can't "get to the point" and while this is frustrating for some, she shows disrespect by acknowledging that some people want to expan on their thoughts. I am in management myself and report to her. I feel like a total idiot around her even though I believe I have a strong reputation as a leader in the rest of the company. She skews the criticism over praise 10 fold. 90% of the time she is telling me how I could have done somethign better, how she would do it, why this isn't a good way to handle something. She is not abusive or crosses the line but her control and self-importance is freakish. Her praise has been few and far between. I do wonder if I over react to her but frankly I am done with the endless streams of why I am not good. I have never had problems like this before nor do i have others in my company that have given me this type of treatment. I do believe I have developed some health problems and have made the decision to free myself of this tyrant.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 12/3/2008 4:58:00 PM

    I worked for a small company, the owner for some reason treated us 3 distinct groups. One was a girl who was allowed to come and go as she pleased, with no real purpose to her job. As someone said, "what does she do?". The second group was treated ok, normally. I was in the third group and he started to ignore us, hardly ever saying "good morning". He said he'd do things, but they never happened. He refused to allow one of us to work at home, saying that he may need to talk to people, even though those people were in another country anyway and we communicated solely by email. One of this group resigned directly because of a broken promise.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 12/7/2008 2:30:00 AM

    I work at a seafood restaurant and my boss use to be a good friend of mine. Until she started believing my other co workers about what they would go tell her. These people who I thought was my friends like to tell our boss lies about me. Now,my boss is saying I'm getting to the point of where I don't do anything anymore. Now you see there is two girls who won't do anything and yet when they don't guess who gets blamed? ME! I've gotten into trouble by this people who like to be sweet with me one day and the next day be total jerks. What I don't get is I go as fast as I can they and bust my tail for them. Then yet this people I work with just tell her a bunch of lies. Then when I tell her the truth my boss that is she doesn't take my word for it. You try to talk to her she acts like she can't hear you or pays no attention to you. Its ok for them to make mistakes there but yet when I do their going off on me. Then when one of the girls especially one of the new girls ask me something they go off on me. I thought I was suppose to help our new girls but I guess not. Its the funniest thing to me they don't go off on the two girls who won't do a thing. But,yet when they make a mistake my boss is going off on me and so are the other girls. I just don't get this what so ever. I just can't believe my boss is one of this passive aggressive type and when she use to be so sweet.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 12/10/2008 10:56:00 PM

    My boss has been harrassing me for more than three months now. I have always been an excellent employee, however he started attributing my work to a coworker in June. Then he started asking her for assistance on things I am responsible for. He passed me over for a merit increase, even though I have always had top ratings on evals. He doesn't respond to my requests for leave; he just reads and deletes them. He has systematically taken away any perks. Every time I ask him about it, he denies that there is anything wrong. I am so nervous every day that I visibly shake when I get to work. I have had to see a doctor for the anxiety, and a counselor to help me deal with this. He is trying to push me out of my job; but with the economy the way it is, I can't quit. He has done this to at least 5-8 other employees in the last 5 years. Most of them found other jobs, but they were all very stressed. He always made them out to be poor employees, but now being in that position, I can see that he just wore them down and they probably couldn't perform well because of the extreme stress. He's in a powerful position, and I'm concerned that if I report him he will retaliate against me or people close to me. I don't know what to do.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 12/20/2008 2:39:00 AM

    my new director is a passive-aggressive woman. She is from another culture but has lived in England, USA and now Australia since childhood so is very westernized. I am Australian Aborigine, highly educated and highly skilled. She has come into our lead our team and is systematically dividing it by telling all of us what she thinks we want to hear. She has now picked up on the fact that I am aware of this and has moved me to a corner of the office so I am alone. My staff were assigned to someone else and she takes every opportunity to put down my professional skills and experience. she now turns her back on me when I talk to her and refuses to share information that would help me in my work. I feel too sick to go to work each morning and want to move out of the section however the Branch manager just tells me that if I don't like the situation that I should leave. I loved my job before she came but now hate the fact that it is slowly shrinking and I am doing less. I don;t want my professional skills or reputation to suffer but being also disabled, another job would be very tough to acquire. HELP! what can I do before I have a breakdown.


    User: anonymous
    Date: 1/16/2009 2:10:00 PM

    I work for a manager that nit picks the heck out of everything I do. The same person can be doing the same thing, however she feels it is necessary to find any and all little errors possible to be little me. I understand, that erros to hurt the others etc...however when everyone else is making the same errors it is not fair that she picks me out. Her latest is if I make one more mistake in two weeks I am out of here. Well, at this point I will ride it out for the next two weeks. I am not perfect, and I don't claim to be. I do my very best to do the best job possible, but this is not good enough. I wish she would pull others orders and look them through, and then she could see how unpoorly trained her whole department is.


    User: kitty
    Date: 3/13/2009 4:49:00 PM

    On my first day my new employer aked me ,"Now you aren't going to get mad at me one day and walk out?"I answered that I have never, since starting into the work field in 1971, never even considered doing something like that. Boy! did I make a mistake and stayed. I'm convinced that I'm working for 20 clones with completely different personalities. One day open talking about personal concerns,other days, nit picking ,laughing with no reason or just noncommunicative.A person who is addictied to food of the worst kind ,is it self hate or mental illness?


    User: audra123
    Date: 1/25/2010 11:23:00 AM

    i feel horrible i quit last week because i couldnt take the hostile way my boss treated me infront of other co-workers and cutomers. its not right isuffered abuse in the past and he opened new doors putting this all on me . what do i do?


    User: scrubbert
    Date: 4/23/2011 5:40:00 PM

    My current boss is a total manipulative, passive-aggressive, perverse little teenager of a woman. I will approach her desk with a question and she will respond with this ostensibly fake puzzled look "Sorry? Could you repeat that, Patrick?" and I only get that from her, not from anyone else. She will send surly replies to my emails saying that she doesn't understand what I'm saying, even though I show it to another person and they understand completely, they have no idea why she replied that way except "maybe she's just in a mood". Well, she is constantly in "a mood" with this perverse behavior, pretending not to understand me and make me feel like I'm a moron when I have an IQ of 143. When we're alone in a room speaking, she pretends not to understand every 2nd sentence, but when we're in a meeting with other people, she (and the others) will understand me fine. So then she makes comments with the royal "we" that "we really have to work on our communication" which I find very condescending. She will nit-pick things to death and has sabotaged my work on more than one occasion. She must have some sort of mental illness or has a chip on her shoulder. Who knows??? I just wanna get the hell away from her into a job my boss will actually treat me like a human being.


    User: kapoorsk23
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