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Managing Upward: Strategies for Succeeding With Your Boss
The Bully at Work: What You Can Do to Stop the Hurt and Reclaim Your Dignity on the Job
Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You
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Closure when you signed a confidentiality agreement
Posted by: Polly
Date: 5/7/2006 6:06:23 PM
Its been over a year since I quit my job over workplace harassment/bullying. I worked 8 years for a company and spent the last 2 in a new department (my dream promotion) only to be harassed to the point I completely broke down. I'm single and quitting for me just didn't seem like an option. I did all the right things, like going through the complaint process but my complaints were dismissed and brushed off. I'm aboriginal but the harassment legislation doesn't protect you if you are being harassed simply because the person gets some kind of sick kicks out of making you miserable and trying to demean you daily while overworking you, getting you to work without pay, getting you to do personal favors for them...those who've been through it know the list. Its so typical its discusting people let it go on. When I think that incompetant schmoozer still has her job while my career has been completely ruined, I lost my benefits for an education because I quit my job, I'm just still having after all this time issues dealing with the anger and letting go. I have been to a therapist but I don't feel I have the closure I need because I can't tell my story. I can't expose them for the level incompetance that led to my career being ruined. No amount of money can replace my feelings that no justice has occurred. How can you possibly fight something when you feel completely destoyed because of the level of abuse you've tolerated. If I could have one thing happen it would be that every place would get in workplace harassment legislation like Quebec has and those that signed confidentiality agreements without that legislation in place be able to speak and tell their stories to get the closure they need. I can't believe some places actual excuse this abusive behavior as management style. Its ridiculous.
| Reply from: |
yxk123 |
| Date: |
5/14/2006 9:44:00 PM |
| Reply: |
okay. get even. yes you signed a confidentiality agreement, so what? think for a moment. what organizations does your ex boss or her peers belong to? professional groups?
join them. get your first revenge in little satisfying ways - are they running to be a board member? vote against them. let others in the organziations know you used to work there/for that person - when asked for details make all the faces you want but say nothing deterimental for example 'it was a very challenging working environment under mrs x, i sure did learn a lot, i've never seen someone who got to that level manage quite that way before, it really was something'
a compliment with an insult - 'that's a nice dress, did you make it yourself' sort of thing.
they're not going to go after you for complimenting them.
get your education and live better than they. that's your second revenge. |
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| Reply from: |
goodboss |
| Date: |
5/15/2006 2:19:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Why did you sign a confidentiality agreement? Because they gave yoiu a settlement? The settlement's supposed to be your "closure." |
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| Reply from: |
gts860 |
| Date: |
5/22/2006 10:16:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Just remember, if you are out to seek revenge you need to start digging two graves, as one of them is going to be for you. I have spent 25 years in the workforce, slowly building my way up to middle management. I still occasionally come across very difficult bosses who impose prejudicial behaviour (not all black and white, mind you) and sometimes I have fought against them and won. However, I have also backed down when it became very obvious my difficult bosses were too well protected from above. I have always developed good support and respect from most of my other work collegues, at all levels, and so I have used these networks on a couple of occasions to move on from bad situations. As mentioned at the beginning, there is no use holding a grudge and using this energy to seek revenge, as it will only tear at your soul. Sit down, take heed of the situation and re-assess where you need to go, do not let some fool dictate your actions. There are hundreds of jobs out there for you and although you obviously feel down at the moment, you should not lose sight of where you want to be in the future. I have always believed that once you know where it is, that you really want to be, the picture you see will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. |
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