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self-appointed messenger boy
Posted by: buddy
Date: 7/4/2006 10:02:18 PM
for about three years now, i've worked with a fellow employee whom i regarded early on as a friend and felt would support me totally, plus serve as a confidante with whom i could confide things in, particularly job-related. now i have come to discover that anything i might mention to him in regards to how things are done sometimes at our job is oftentimes quickly relayed right back to the chief boss. in a fit of extreme frustration over having so many things to do and not doing them properly, i "confided" in this person that I just wasn't always going to go along with what the boss might suggest. it was said out of extreme frustration and was totally out of character for myself. if nothing else, I am a "company man" who is going to do what's best for everyone. but my so-called friend went straight to the boss, only minutes after he and I had talked, and told him what i said. i felt like the stupidest person in the world. but even moreso, i felt totally betrayed by someone i considered as a friend. now i watch my back constantly with him. he's pulled similar "stunts" since then in situations of much less seriousness, but all the while "tattling" to the boss. is that pathetic or what? i am not going anywhere on my job and i don't foresee my so-called friend on the job going anywhere, either. so how do i deal with this in the future?
| Reply from: |
amy |
| Date: |
7/11/2006 10:03:00 AM |
| Reply: |
Did your boss confront you on this? If he/she did I would explain what happened. In a professional way let him know your frustrations and how out of character it was for you to say what you did. If he is any good at being a boss he will listen to your concerns and try to improve the issues. Or if this is not an option the least he could do is be straight forward with you and tell you it's not going to change. At least then you can decide whether you want to stay at your job or start looking for something else. As far as your so-called 'friend' be careful what you say in front of him. If he 'ratted' you out once he'll do it again. |
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| Reply from: |
buddy |
| Date: |
7/11/2006 2:44:00 PM |
| Reply: |
thanks, amy, for your thoughts on this matter.
no, my boss never did confront me or ask me anything regarding this situation. had he done so, i would have explained my simple frustration and that what i said was totally from being frustrated and "put out" with certain things. but i have this gut feeling that had this situation been approached with him, he would have gone along with the side of my so-called "friend". reason being is that my boss, as good a person as he can be at times, far too often goes 100 percent with what one of his managers think, believe or offers without totally weighing the overall situation. because my "friend" is really above me in managerial situations, my boss would have not "rocked the boat". and i say that even though my boss and I have known each other for 20-plus years. do i expect more because of having known him that long? no, but i would hope he knows "Buddy" well enough by now as to how i handle my situations.
and yes, i definitely have watched what I say around my so-called "friend." i've had others tell me the same thing about him, that he misconstrues situations between what he and a fellow employee might discuss and then what he tells the boss. |
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| Reply from: |
gary |
| Date: |
7/17/2006 5:09:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Buddy, I agree with Amy fully. And if he ever says anything negative about you to your boss that you later learn about, just tell your boss that he didn't have the strength of character to raise it and discuss it with you first - instead he chose to pull an
'end-run" on you which is destructive behavior in terms of building and maintaining work teams. Gary - Badbossology.com Co-Founder |
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| Reply from: |
buddy |
| Date: |
7/18/2006 6:22:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Gary, i greatly appreciate your thoughts and suggestions. I was so floored by the way he had handled that discussion between us and then ran and told our boss that it bothered me for weeks on end. And still does. It just totally destroyed my trust with him and it didn't need to be that way. And Gary, you're 100 percent right in how this type of behavior applies a major dent to building and keeping good working relations intact within an office. Making it doubly tough is that our office is very small, thus your contacts are practically within "earshot" of each other. It definitely puts a strain on things. Whereas I was very open about things with this "friend/co-worker", now I find myself hesitating on saying things, offering suggestions, etc. That's absolutely no way for one to work on a job, especially when one loves that job as much as I do.
But again, to both Gary and Amy, much appreciation for what you suggested. |
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