How to work effectively with a difficult boss

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    Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace, 2002 Revised Edition


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    females working for a female boss? comments please...

    Posted by: theworkinggirl
    Date: 10/8/2006 3:35:32 PM

    I am a young professional in the work force and over the past two years have gone through several female bosses. I have found that while they can be encouraging and are willing to provide me with work to help me grow, I also have found that they can be wildly inconsistent in their behavior toward other female employees vs. male employees. I've tried several potential solutions: trying to understand their pressures, opening up/discussing the situation with them, and even going as far as to twisting the situation in my head. But the truth is how my female bosses have treated other female employees is quite different. Does anyone have advice for someone dealing with an inconsistent and at times raging female boss?

    www.thefemaleblogspot.com - i started this blog to deal with the woes...help please

    Reply from: BJN
    Date: 10/9/2006 10:21:00 AM
    Reply: While you haven’t mention how long you’ve been with this one boss, who is inconsistent toward male employees vs. female employees. It sounds like you took the right approach. You’ll need to be a little more patience with her, and less attentive with her treatment of male employees vs. female employees. You should focus more on being a friend to your female boss, (if you’re a friend worthy person) while always doing your best at performing your job in a professional fashion. Being a good friend to your boss is having each other’s trust. Once you’ve accomplished this, you may, or may not see a difference in her treatment of male employees vs. female employees, but you may now know why. If this suggestion is unsatisfactory to you, I then suggest you stop concerning yourself with your boss’s treatment of male employees vs. female employees, or search for other employment. Good luck. Sincerely, B.J.N.
    Reply from: theworkinggirl
    Date: 10/20/2006 7:18:00 AM
    Reply: Thanks BJN...your advice is much appreciated. While the friend concept is difficult it is all about relationship management and "managing up" (a concept I've been working on with this boss in particular). the working girl
    Reply from: hadenuf
    Date: 10/20/2006 8:43:00 PM
    Reply: Hi, I can guess what your problem might be. You are probably a bright, hard working young woman who thinks that if you work long enough and/or hard enough you will be accepted. The bad women boss is threatened by a woman like you. She man seem so self-assured but guess what, you probably scare her. Bad women bosses are many times deeply insecure women who feel threatened by a subordinate who works hard, is well liked. The bad boss woman may feel like she is unworthy (and well may be because of the way she climed up the ladder to boss level). Sometimes women like this are afraid they will be found out and someone like you will take their place so they give the hard working woman subordinate hell. Don't make your boss mad. You may not know what will set her off, but if you watch and remember you can learn. Just remember, your boss is probably afraid of you, she will never give you credit for anything. You will probably NEVER do ANYTHING to please her. That's the way it is, you will NEVER CHANGE HER!! If you can live with this, then you will learn to be okay with it, but you will never have job security and you will probably never be very far from quitting. Bosses like this want supreme control. She wants to OWN you and YOUR LIFE. I advise that you get out before you become sick. You May be hounded and blamed and talked about by her and she will ruin your life if she can. Find another job, you can find a better boss and you deserve to be happy. Life is short, find a place to work where your ideas and talents will be appreciated and if you ever become a Boss remember the role model you never want to be like, the bad woman boss.Good luck. BE HAPPY.
    Reply from: cubequeen
    Date: 12/6/2006 3:27:00 PM
    Reply: I agree with hadenuf. My boss is a female (55) I am female (40) She sucks. She never got a college degree and is a micromanager who bases all decisions on how she feels about things emotionally. I have had *ok* female bosses before and a sucky male boss. I think a bad boss is not gender specific though the gender problems play out. For example my sucky current female boss pays the men in my dept. more money and does not give them as much work as I get. The only reason why I stick around is becaues it is govt. (security) and she has been there for 35 years. We all keep praying she retires. I pray every day. I wish God would finally do something about it.
    Reply from: tammi137
    Date: 2/26/2007 6:47:00 PM
    Reply: my boss is pregnant but even before that she was moody. i can do nothing right. our mgrs think the sun rises and sets on her. i caught so many mistakes that she has made but i dont say anything. at my work if your not liked alot and you rock the boat you have a tendancy to get fired. dont get me wrong as a person i like her. as a boss she sucks.
    Reply from: iquit
    Date: 5/11/2007 1:00:00 AM
    Reply: I just quit a job because I couldn't deal with my female boss and all her passive aggressive ways. I don't understand what it is with some women. Why do they have to be such a-holes to each other? My boss treated the men in our department like they were gods, while undermining the women who worked in the same area/did the same job as them. I myself, have way more education, experience and in some cases, skills, than the men in my former department, and yet, my boss would always seem to "put me in my place". I realise she got where she is by kissing ass, and because I refuse to play by that rule, she sees me as a challenge (I'm guessing) and therefore doesn't know how to be resectful of my skills and experience. So annoying. Men do not do that to one another.
    Reply from: ncoleh6258
    Date: 7/21/2009 6:36:00 PM
    Reply: I am grateful to read this and know I am not alone. For the last three years i worked under a female boss who was downright abusive toward everyone under her (even men). She was VERY insecure - and i think this had a lot to do with it. She was irrational, emotional, and proud to be a "bitch to everyone equally" her words, not mine. Before her, i had always had male bosses, and i now have quite the prejudice.
    Reply from: grrlscientist
    Date: 8/26/2009 3:37:00 PM
    Reply: Hi - I just found this post after realizing this week that I am going to be dealing with some major issues at my (relatively) new job. My female boss is: short, aggressive (in words and actions), receptive only to men, appears "butch", hasn't had a relationship since she was 22, insecure..etc. She gets along great with men, but I get the sense she is threatened by me. It's really hard because I've only worked in pretty good environments up to now - where I was allowed to express ideas and nurture new projects. Now everything I do is wrong and gets shot down. It's gotten really tense in the last month, and now I actively work to keep my mouth shut and edit my behavior. It's frustrating because she is very intelligent and I want to learn from her and develop my career as a scientist. But she's an incompetent manager. I think it's complicated by a napolean complex she has. I am taking the advice of trying to "manage up", but it seems so different in science. Does anyone else have this experience?
    Reply from: Jenny Tang
    Date: 10/5/2009 10:19:00 PM
    Reply: Oh! I am not lonely. I am going to quit because of my female moody boss' bad temper. 2 years already enough for me : ) Jenny Tang
    Reply from: autumnsonja
    Date: 6/12/2010 8:43:00 PM
    Reply: Wow. I'm shocked there is a place to actually discuss this issue. I wish I could quit. After nearly two years and me looking at every aspect of myself to figure out why at nearly 40, i'm having trouble with a 50 something female boss when I generally haven't had issues dealing with anyone... I'm done. I just won't quit. I live in one of the most high recession areas in the nation right now. I'm looking to transfer though. I bet there are effective ways to deal with women like this. I'm off to read the passive-aggressive forum now. Thanks to all the above posters... You fricking made my day:)

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