I Need Advice

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Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You

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I Need Advice

Posted by: msugirl
Date: 10/28/2006 6:45:44 PM

I quit my full-time with a company in Houston, Texas almost a year and half ago due to an awful boss (he essentially was going to fire me if I hadn't).

It was my first full-time position after college and the manager (and most of the people who had hired me in the first place) left after I had only been there a few months. The day before I was ambushed with the meeting in which I was given the option of resigning or being fired, I was in the ladies' room crying - things were that bad. Anyway, while I was in there, one of my friends, who didn't work in my department, told me that I had never been trained properly and that everyone knew it. Essentially, it confirmed what I had known all along.

The next day, I was greeted with an meeting notice with HR. The notice had been sent by my boss only at 7:30 that morning and it came only halfway through my "probation period" (which was a farce in itself).

Well, I quit and moved with my fiance back to Michigan, where we're from and were our families still live. I'm still looking for a job (mostly due to the economy in this area), but feel that I should be employed soon.

Quite honestly, I'm extremely afraid that I'm going to end up in another nightmare scenario. I have yet to have a truly positive experience in corporate America (I completed an internship and a co-op during college) and certainly need a job. I always did great in school and can't understand how I can protect myself from this situation in the future. I'm frustrated and scared beyond belief.

Any advice would be great.

Reply from:	sadlady
Date:	11/8/2006 8:44:00 AM
Reply:	msugirl - Hang in there. I think you are on the right track. I know it is hard - I had a boss before this last job that made yours look like Mother Teresa! She harassed me on a daily basis, criticized everything I did and then had the nerve to tell me she wasn't trying to get rid of me. You are right in that it is hard to protect yourself - when you interview with a potential boss, pay attention to what and how they project themselves. Any doubts, that job is not for you. Good Luck!

Reply from:	emarie
Date:	12/26/2006 10:23:00 AM
Reply:	I think this is something that isn't addressed so much here: the emotional devastation that bad bosses do to their employees. People, for however long, we all have been subjected to abuse. It doesn't matter that it is not a spouse or a parent...IT'S ABUSE!! And it takes its toll. We lose our self esteem and the confidence we once had in our competency, we begin to doubt our abilities, we become extremely fearful of the workplace (I know I am), we get depressed sometimes, it takes a health toll (stress is a killer! literally), and it deprives us of pride in supporting ourselves and our families. It is a terrible injury and when it is done simply because of another's power madness, sadistic inclinations, control addiction, insecurity, whatever reason, instead of fully leaving blame where it is due, we internalize the problem and a voice inside us carries the shame. One good piece of advice I was given is 5o NEVER EVER say you were fired. To yourself or others. Say you parted ways because your vision for the company was different or some other true but vague explanation. Take the word fired out of your vocabulary and never use it. This has helped me a little. After I looked at my own situation I was able to analyze it and say, yes, he did not renew my contract because he wanted someone with different credentials for my position, but he did tell our union president that I was the most highly rated professor in the department (he had to since the union rep basically forced it out of him, that there was really nothing at all wrong with my work...he didn't like uppity women, period, and THAT was why he came us with his flimsy reason to not renew my contract). But what have the rest of you done to heal...it's been four years for me and I only worked under him two years and was so bruised and beaten by the end that I still have nightmares.

Reply from:	msugirl
Date:	1/24/2007 12:39:00 AM
Reply:	Thanks for all of the great advice! I just had that interview that I've been waiting for earlier today. It went very well. We'll see what happens. emarie, I know what you mean. Even though I held my last job for close to a year, I only worked for him for 8 or so months. It has been nearly 18 since I quit and I'm still picking up all of the pieces. Although, I have to admit, it was one heck of a learning experience. MSUgirl

Reply from:	msugirl
Date:	1/24/2007 12:48:00 AM
Reply:	Actually, one of the best things I did was formally resign - and then sent a letter of resignation not only my boss, but the next two managers above him. In the end, I learned that he left the company. I think he probably got a lot of flack for what he did to me. I never ever say that I was fired, and I technically wasn't. In the end, he simply didn't want me to be a part of his group. He was in a position to create the group the way he wanted it (they were hiring in our department at the time) and used it as an opportunity to get rid of me (in the end, I was the only one left in his group that he hadn't hired, other than two older women who had much more experience with the company - if he had let them go, he would have lost ALL institutional memory for that department). Lindsey

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