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Is it just me or is it my boss?
Posted by: Amethyst
Date: 1/6/2007 8:05:00 PM
I just got a new job a little over a month ago. It's permanent. I have been under so much stress at this job that I've come home crying. My boss can be very demanding at times, and he expects me to remember everything perfectly, but I'm under so much stress that I find myself forgetting things and making stupid mistakes anyway. He doesn't give me due dates on things, and then asks me why I don't have them done when I was working on other things that were also important. And he's bitten my head off before -- one of the office ladies told him I had "barged" into a meeting when really I had waited until after the meeting was over, and I told him my side of it, but he still said someone said I had "followed them around" and was "annoying." I only was looking for them to get an answer to something I really needed at the time, it wasn't like I did it constantly. I have never been so insulted since grade school. He keeps telling me that he wasn't sure if I was going to "work out", and I told him that I was doing my best. Really, it's only been a month and how can anyone expect perfection in a month from a new person? And this is a permanent job too. Oh, and then on Friday he told me that he expects me to have my cell phone on all the time so that he doesn't have to leave a message. Well, I'm not willing to drive and talk at the same time. I am totally stressed out from this job, and I need someone else's perspective. Is it me or is it the boss?
| Reply from: |
Amethyst |
| Date: |
1/6/2007 8:07:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Also, I've lost a few pounds since I've taken this job but I suspect that's from the stress. I haven't been eating as much because I've been worried most of the time. |
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| Reply from: |
Karra |
| Date: |
1/6/2007 11:35:00 PM |
| Reply: |
It's the boss. Write things down to help you remember. Each time you receive a new assignment ask for the deadline and priority with respect to other work that you're assigned. Put together questions that you have and request meetings with individuals who can answer them rather that tracking people down one question at a time. If no one is available to answer yuor question and the work must get done, make a judgement call and do your best, rather than not doing it. Get confirmation later. If you make a mistake, don't hide it. Bring it to attention and get it fixed. Don't be apologetic. Just do your best. |
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| Reply from: |
Amethyst |
| Date: |
1/7/2007 11:18:00 AM |
| Reply: |
Oh, I don't hide mistakes. I fix them when I catch them. But sometimes I don't catch them and my boss catches them first and criticizes me for making them.
I'm just going to have to be really assertive about requesting deadlines, and use your suggestion about questions. |
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| Reply from: |
Amethyst |
| Date: |
1/7/2007 12:08:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Also, I've asked him for due dates before and he seemed pretty unwilling to give them, but I guess I'm just going to have to keep pushing until I get an answer. I don't think a general idea of when he wants this stuff done by is too much to ask for.
Everyone else I have ever worked for (and I'm in my early 30's) has been perfectly willing to give me that answer.
Is it possible that he's trying to get me to quit for some reason? |
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| Reply from: |
Karra |
| Date: |
1/7/2007 4:32:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Could be, or he may just be a difficult personality. When he criticizes you don't show any emotion, don't get upset, and be sure to write down the corrections/clarifications he provides, which will show that you are being attentive but not taking the feedback personally. I've been in situations where I've been yelled at for work that went wrong, and have worked with a variety of diffiuclt individuals. At the end of the day I prefer the ones that yell to the nice quiet ones, as they are at least providing information and it's actually easier to please them. If you can get past the rough edges! Regarding due dates, if your boss can't provide them or prioritize for you, you should give him an estimate, how long you think the work will take (taking your other work into account). Prioritize your assignments yourself if no one else is doing it for you. Some organizations run a tight ship, others expect people to work more independently. If they don't hire people frequently where you work and the person you replaced was there for a long time, your boss may have unrealistic expectations. Hang in there. Hard as it is, this is the time you have to suck it up and just do your best. In a new job you basically are at the bottom rung in the office pecking order and some places are really tough. So good luck and don't let your boss get to you! |
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| Reply from: |
rockiskwerl |
| Date: |
1/7/2007 9:38:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Amethyst, remember your boss is human and is entitled to make mistakes, have moments of poor and lousy judgment. People are going to be jerks and morons until the end of time.
However, as the previous poster has stated, you must cover yourself with documentation and not take things personally. Remember, you do not have to live with this boss and take him home with you. |
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| Reply from: |
hadenuff |
| Date: |
1/11/2007 1:04:00 AM |
| Reply: |
Also, maybe your boss is so controlling because of a personality disorder. This job sounds like it may be damaging your self-esteem, and by your staying there, you may continue to suffer. For me, I realized after working months for a manic-depressive person, how awful it is! I was just DYING inside. After awhile, I realized how narcissistic and demanding and unreasonable this person was, like not a PERSON even. I HAD to believe there are better person out there to be around. And I put myself in a position of some financial security and I AM LEAVING! No job in hand, but it will come... Just another perspective & hope that it helps you in your decision. |
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