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Cliques and the workplace
Posted by: fawn
Date: 6/30/2004 12:46:43 PM
I work in a small law firm where majority of the workers are female. I thought once I graduated high school the whole life of cliqueness would be over.. boy was I wrong! Luckily I have remained in this office for 3 years moving from department to department. Twice now I have seen women get fired over certain employees just not able to get along with them. The first girl was bullied by a co-worker who has been here since the beginning of this Firm. Finally this girl had enough and confronted the bully and shortly after was removed from the office. A while had gone by and it happened yet once again. Everyone in the office loved this girl and because one woman who is in cahoots with the elder employee found something wrong with her. This girl was even told by our office manager that she did not want to let her go, but with all of this woman's complaining she "had no choice in the matter". Where do these women get leverage in this office? And are we all at risk if this particular women come to dislike us to lose our positions? Who would you complain to about this matter when the office manager herself is involved in it all? The elder employee once had it out for me to get me removed, luckily one of our attorneys took me under his wing to work with him and a new attorney and we will soon be relocating to another office outside of this clique, but I fear for my friends.
| Reply from: |
aurora7 |
| Date: |
7/12/2004 4:18:00 PM |
| Reply: |
I have have worked in law firms as a nurse paralegal for the last twenty-five years and I am sad to say your tale is not a new one. Law offices seem to be the hotbed for "cliqueness". Most attorneys make or break their careers in the heat and confrontation of a courtroom, it is amazing how those same attorneys will do little in their own offices to root out the "Queen Bee" who is ultimately detrimental to office morale and productivity.
I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't. I know that I finally had enough and quit my job and specifically and boldly let everyone know exactly why I was leaving. I heard the old "just get along with her, because everybody else too" speech, but I held firm and handed in my resignation. I started my own business as a self-employed free lance nurse paralegal. Karma is strange, but often rewarding -- the law firm I left now employs me by contract and I work at home, having clearly set down the terms of never working inside the office again. I am paid three times what they use to pay me per hour. Imagine, I am being paid grandly to work the overload of case reviews they mysteriously seem to have accumulated since I quit.
Who really won? Me! I should have quit long ago rather than put up with the stress and frustration the "Queen Bee" of the office subjects everyone too. I will not pretend - I have enormous satisfaction of walking into the old office, picking up my caseload, going home to work, being paid triple and knowing that the "Queen Bee" knows I called her out and that I am making more money per hour than she will ever make from the law firm.
Looking back, the only way I can see that destroying the Queen's Hive will ever work is if all employees come together, talk it over and present a flat out ultimatum -- Queen Bee goes or we all go.
Drastric, but then attorneys and Queen Bees thrive off of the nectar of drama.
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| Reply from: |
taintedeternity |
| Date: |
7/12/2004 9:41:00 PM |
| Reply: |
I work in a retail store its horried. I have even walked in on some of my co-workers talking about me neither of them saw me but one girl (who is my friend) saw me but didnt say anything just to see how far it would go...even after one of the other girls saw me they still kept talking about me...each day i walk in they all have something to say about what i wear to work (i wear the same thing every day at work sort of a uniform but not quite black pants and a logo shirt) its stupid but i cant quit till my hubby and i have my papers to move to the states :( |
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| Reply from: |
rgf100 |
| Date: |
7/19/2004 8:06:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Aurora7 - bravo, what a great triumph.
Taintedeternity - don't pay them any mind; you'll be long gone and onto bigger and better things and they'll still be working there talking about someone else.
Fawn - Aurora7 practiced something that we all forget to practice and that is resolve. The only way these types of people have power is because everyone lets them have that power. Will you change her attitude by calling her out in a friendly, professional manner? Probably not (but it's possible), but you will feel better about it knowing you stood by your principles. As creatures of habit, we settle for mediocrity and allow ourselves to be abused. One of the best things we can do is take a stand and fight back, fairly and according to the rules, and suffer the consequences or reap the rewards. So even if you lose your job, remember two things: 1. you fought for what was right and if your superiors can't recognize that you don't need that company, and 2. all change is good. Just ask Aurora7. |
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| Reply from: |
fannie |
| Date: |
7/27/2004 10:41:00 AM |
| Reply: |
Relations between women seem to be the common factor here.
In my opinion you are all witnesses or victims to a very big problem, how some women treat others badly, and how it is almost impossible to resolve the problem by just being honest and direct. From my experience of this, being honest and direct is certainly morally the best thing for one's own peace of mind, but tactically, it is usually the wrong thing to do.
We are up against women and sometimes groups of women who almost have a need to act out their unpleasantness - their victims or scapegoats are almost performing a social service.
I've known of this behaviour in some work situations, but also in some political or social groups.
I advize everyone on this forum to read "Woman's Inhumanity to Woman" by Phyllis Chesler (Penguin Putnam - plume). I've just finished it, and it was a revelation and a total relief to find out that I hadn't been dreaming about the strange behaviour I'd suffered.
Good luck to you all |
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| Reply from: |
writer |
| Date: |
8/5/2004 7:59:00 AM |
| Reply: |
This is so prevalent in today's workforce, but that doesn't make it necessarily any easier for those on the outside of clique circles. I work in a small creative department with a 2:1 ratio of women to men. (Suffice to say, there is way too much estrogen in this office! )
But aside from that, if a group of women shares an essential insecurity about themselves (which they rarely admit, by the way), then the way they gain a sense of empowerment is to clump together as a clique. "Look at us, everybody! We are sooooo trendy, together, and modern! We are Friends and Sex In The City in real-life! And we feel very, very superior when we exclude those we don't deem worthy."
It's amusing, actually, if you look at the issue of cliques this way, rather than assuming there is something wrong with you if you aren't chosen by them to be one of the group.
This "exclusionism" is a deeply ingrained behavior, and if women in their 30s and 40s are still practicing it on a daily basis in the workplace, chances are slim that they will ever grow up and act like adults. So, when I know that an email has been circulated about an upcoming "Girls Night Out", and I'm not on the recipient's list, I look at it this way: would I really *want* to spend an evening around a bunch of catty, superficial bees, all buzzing around their queen? Obviously, no.
I'm a strong, independent, self-sufficient woman who scares the crap out of this clique...and I like it that way.
Chins up!
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| Reply from: |
wickedlobster |
| Date: |
8/8/2004 11:11:00 AM |
| Reply: |
Well all I can reply to this subject is to get a position with all men only or a majority. I worked in a department with all men (only 3) and I never had a problem. Of course if there was an arguement, we would argue and get over it. No gossiping, no bickering and no grudge holding. They don't care what you wear for clothes and don't care how you fixed your hair. It was the best environment I ever worked in. I hate working with women, always have. We have cliques in our company and it makes me ill seeing the same people huddled in cubes whispering and going to lunch. But I let it roll off my back and trudge on until I have an opportunity to change things. |
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| Reply from: |
kamylienne |
| Date: |
8/14/2004 11:17:00 AM |
| Reply: |
Ah, I see I'm not the only one that feels that too many females in one room is a disaster! It's good to know I'm not insane in thinking that. I would hope that gossip and exclusiveness would have stopped after high school, but it seems to be going strong even for people in their 30's. Is it silly of me to think that people ten years older than me should act like it? Only 4 out of about 40 workers in the connected departments are male; they are the ones I get along with most. I'm glad to hear aurora7's success story, and I hope we can all get there someday. |
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