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Don't want to give a reference
Posted by: beenthere
Date: 8/20/2004 11:32:34 PM
How do you tell a former employee that you don't want to give them a personal reference? I used to have a great deal of respect for this employee and her work. I gladly gave several references. However, as she moved up the ranks, I began to notice that she manuipulated her managers and co-workers. I directly observed her refuse to share pertinent information with her team members so that she would appear to be at the "head of the pack." I have recently been contacted by her to act as a personal reference. (We are at different companies). Obviously, I cannot do that in good conscience. Any suggestions on how to respond to her?
| Reply from: |
ohiobill |
| Date: |
8/21/2004 2:07:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Sure. Tell her that you don't want to give her a personal reference. If she asks why, explain that you don't have to tell her your reasons. |
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| Reply from: |
monk23 |
| Date: |
9/28/2004 3:43:00 PM |
| Reply: |
I wonder if this womyn was or is still your friend. As a friend I would rather someone tell me that they can not give me a reference - than to let me go on using them as a reference when there is the potential for the prospective employer to hear a funny tone in your voice or pick up on your true feelings. Level with her and just say that you are sorry you can not act as a reference for her. If she pushes for a reason tell her simply that you are sure she has been contacts that would be much better at giving information to prospects about her current abilities, rather than her past experiences. |
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| Reply from: |
jimoc |
| Date: |
10/18/2004 9:05:00 AM |
| Reply: |
There are 3 ways to handle this situation. 1.)If you are no longer her friend tell her straight out that you do not believe a personal reference from you would reflect well on her due to misgivings you have about her professional conduct.
2.) If you are still her friend then tell her you no longer give ouot personal references as a matter of principle after a former friend/employee abused your trust with regard to one previously.
3.) If you never want her to contact you again then tell her that your spouse/significant other screens all your communications and is insanely jealous and freaks if you speak about another in complimentary terms.
But you might be better with option 1 or 2 :-) |
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| Reply from: |
alder |
| Date: |
12/9/2004 3:47:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Be honest. Polite, professional, but honest. Say "I'm not comfortable providing a recommendation for you. I observed some things about you at work that don't line up with what I think are the right things to do on the job -- like holding back information from others who need it. We can debate the specifics 'til the cows come home -- you can try to persuade me otherwise if you want -- but the fact is that since I have these reservations, I can't in good conscience agree to be a reference for you." And leave it at that. |
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| Reply from: |
angelic |
| Date: |
1/4/2005 7:00:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Did you know you can be sued if you don't give a positive recommendation for the work that she did for you? She obviously was a good worker when she was your employee, how about talking just about that, not about what you have seen after she worked for you. |
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