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Throwing the Elephant: Zen and the Art of Managing Up
Brutal Bosses and Their Prey: How to Identify and Overcome Abuse in the Workplace
The Bully at Work: What You Can Do to Stop the Hurt and Reclaim Your Dignity on the Job
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Emotional workplace abuse
Posted by: ragdoll821
Date: 4/29/2007 10:06:57 AM
Jade , PA 04/29/07 Emotional Abuse -- -- -- -- I left my job four months ago due to a bullying,emotionally abusive manager. It was a nightmare that I can't forget. I feel alone yet with everything that was done to me. It's hard to explain to family, friends and even the public I deal with (I had a PR position). I hid it well.It feels like the only person who understands is my doctor. This man was allowed to get away with lying, accusing me of things I did not do, calling my home at all hours, making remarks in front of an HR manager that refused to stand up to him, sending me bullying email, refusing to allow me to take part in a charity board of directors, speaking down to me at every chance he could. We use to get along well in the beginning and it seemed like when I became more involved in the community and more visible his behavior became "different". Then he asked me to go for a drink after a successful program and I refused and it just went downhill. Even though I have taken another position, I still can't get over what he did and wonder when will he be stopped. I complained to HR and even in my exit interview, nothing happens to him. Never does he get in trouble, yet a few others complained about him as well. I guess should be over it, but it haunts me as I still work within the community and I feel strongly this man is trying to ruin me there as well. Some think it is rude that I left the company. I don't discuss it in public or the reasons, but I feel like I am getting the blame when I am the victim. I feel like a victim of abuse with no one to turn to. I can just imagine on a small scale what a rape victim must feel like when the rapist still walks free. No, it isn't to that severity, but the mental scars has left on me, you have no idea. The constant putdowns, humiliation in front of coworkers, lies, just have taken there toll. I need reach out but have no idea where. Maybe someone here has some advice. J
| Reply from: |
annie10 |
| Date: |
5/2/2007 9:51:00 PM |
| Reply: |
ragdoll
I went through that about 10 years ago. It too was "legal" type of bullying, stealth harrassment unable to be proved. When we were alone, this person intimidated me and violated my personal space making my work hell. My coworkers loved him because he was so charming, but treated me so condescendingly when no one was around. When I tried to get help, no one cared and I was the one who was seen as a troublemaker. I got very depresssed. Over time, he was transferred and I was finally free of him without having to quit my job.
You do eventually get over it.Learn to have confidence and self-esteem. Bullies usually pick on victims that are struggling self esteem issues because they are easy targets. |
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| Reply from: |
euby |
| Date: |
5/10/2007 9:08:00 PM |
| Reply: |
I understand what you are going through. I was subjected to this intentional emotional harassment for 18 months to date. He would openly show favoritism to a selected few and emotionally traumatize s few of us. Most of those who were at the receiving end left the bank. Finally, I was the only one left standing....and just last week, out of the blue, he transferred me from the biggest branch in the network to the smallest. I am aware that he can "legally" do what he did. What is so surprising that he has the HR folks wrapped round his little finger. He has even managed to kiss up to his boss. Right now he's in a position where he can do anything and no one will question his actions. His collagues are angry & mad at the open display of favoritism from his immediate boss. It leaves us all wondering: when will this end? will this apology of a boss ever face justice? Just yesterday I moved out from his area group. It still hurts. I hope to get justice someday... |
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| Reply from: |
fleacookie |
| Date: |
5/11/2007 8:56:00 AM |
| Reply: |
I guess each one of us has a terror story. I have been working for 3 years for a spa , promoting wellness therapies etc. Little do our customers know that it is HELL on EARTH. We just found out that the company has been remitting social security late, the 2 owners who are also ON and OFF boyfriend and girlfriend have been fighting on and off for the past 3 years and as the manager I have had to endure being in the middle of horrific tirades &terrifying breakups which include shouting matches ( yes, in the tranquil serenity of the spa...) food fights, broken office equipment and tearful breakdowns. I feel that my nerves are fraying at the edges after 3 years. Can we sue them for this kind of abuse? |
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| Reply from: |
littlemouse |
| Date: |
5/23/2007 10:20:00 AM |
| Reply: |
ragdoll,
I just found this website. Thank goodness! Here's my two cents worth.
You say, "Some think it is rude that I left the company. I don't discuss it in public or the reasons, but I feel like I am getting the blame when I am the victim."
Tell the truth! He invited you for drinks and you declined and he began harassing (YES, use the word harassing) you after that. It's the unvarnished truth, and it will make people think twice. |
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| Reply from: |
virgo70 |
| Date: |
6/15/2007 9:35:00 AM |
| Reply: |
Ragdoll, Do not feel alone because your not. I hope you start to feeling better. Do not carry around what he did, you are left now and start to heal and enjoy life. This person has the issue, so do not him win. Try some gentle alternative treatments, Rekki, Massage etc. I feel very strongly about bullying it should not happen. Hope this helps. |
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| Reply from: |
MAE |
| Date: |
6/22/2007 12:56:00 PM |
| Reply: |
don't feel alone. My boss put me on probation and she was the one at fault..and what does HR do....nothing.
It is disgusting working in Corporate America anymore. |
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| Reply from: |
chew |
| Date: |
8/2/2007 7:53:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Ragdoll,
I walked away from my job 2 years ago because I was targeted by my female supervisor, who held her job position only days before I was hired. I saw the red flags from the beginning (but I thought, "hey, I can handle this"), and as if I were witnessing my own slow agonizing death, I found myself being emotionally blind-sided, captured and viciously raped with the enablers looking on - all in the name of office politics!
She was well liked and well connected up the chain of command, having allies who were willing to shield her from responsibility. She boasted about "having" to terminate another apparently as a form of intimidation. I was a hard worker who gave 100% and, therefore, it ultimately ended with myself having to walk away for the sake of self preservation with what I had managed to salvage of myself. Please, remove yourself from its grip, move forward one laborious step at a time, and don't look back until it's safe to do so, and only for what it can teach you.
Although this has scarred me, I am a spiritual person and I am here to tell you, Ragdoll, there is life after death! So do what you must and keep the faith. PS I now work for myself, and you too can claim your own victory :) |
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