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Female Bully boss took away my self confidence
Posted by: patrick
Date: 8/21/2007 4:05:23 PM
I accepted a job as a P.A. to a female. The day I arrived I thought it was strange as I was working reception. After three days she called me into her office and told me that there was a STRANGE SMELL about me, maybe it was my dogs ! I did not react except to ask her what she thought I should do about it, she suggested buying a cheap body spray (I where expensive perfume normally) and chew mints all day ! I kept up a brave front, but was totally horrified and rushed around asking everyone I knew if I smelt, of course they said no. I changed everything from shampoo, soap to perfume in an effort to please her... to no avail. A week later she suggested that maybe it was my hair products (I had changed them too), when I told her this she said she would have to think about it... but the whole of receptions smelt of me... during the third week she told me to put on some perfume, I replied I was wearing some, so she insisted I go to the local shop and buy a body spray (this was a bit embarassing, I had to ask to borrow the money from a collegue, so the story was out). All my collegues were horrified at her behaviour and the constant reference to my smell was really getting to me. I tried to write it all down one night and suffered a severe panic attack and by this time I was paying for taxis to work in order to avoid crowded buses for fear they may make me sweat. On the fourth week she fired me, never really gave me a reason. Since then I went to the Doctor for help and he was great, assuring me I did not smell and suggesting I tell my ex boss that she should seek mental assistance for her problem. But the affects have lasted, each time I go for an interview I am so nervous I have messed up at least two to my knowledge, I keep telling myself this is stupid... I do not smell, and I did not deserve to be fired.... can anyone help with suggestions as to how to get my self esteem back ! Thank you.
| Reply from: |
hadenuff |
| Date: |
8/24/2007 12:32:00 AM |
| Reply: |
Suggestion One: Deal with your emotions on your own and move on - anger release groups can really help. seriously, beating the #@! out of a pillow all the while thinking about the wrongs is effective for som.
Two: Consult an attorney. You may not have a case even. But it would be empowering. Perhaps she was guilty of harassing you because of your gender. Also, this is really a courageous thing to pursue...I mean a lawsuit.
Three: Write a letter chronicling everything you wrote above and saying you believe this constitutes harassment. Send it to her and to her superior. I swear, taking the offense can feel right. It may not be the rational thing to do, but it feels good for one's self-respect and that's what you're trying to gain back, right?
Good luck...these are only suggestions so consider them only as such... |
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| Reply from: |
sunsett52 |
| Date: |
8/24/2007 1:02:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Get a written document from your doctor, and if possible from friends or co-workers that confirm you do not, and DID not have a body order problem.
Take time to document the approximate dates and comments that she said on each date, i.e. April 25, 2007 Ms.... approached me in the reception area and made a rude comment, "....." in front of ....... (if there were witnesses) and if not... just the statement of what was said, date, etc.
This is illegal.... it is harassment and discrimination - consult a harassment or discrimination attorney, ask if they will take your case. Explain you can't afford legal fees and ask if they will help you. They can get payment from the 'win' of the lawsuit.
If you don't want to take that route contact the EEOC - in your state. There are State and Federal codes and laws against this sort of behavior.
This 'lady' will continue to abuse, demean and generally be cruel to others - if she is not stopped.
Don't ask for your job back, ask for compensation for mental abuse, harassment, discrimination, and defamation of character..
No... I am not an attorney.. but I am going through a Discrimination Complaint because of age at my job, and I finally stood up for myself. It was scary at first - and is still ongoing, but I feel a heck of a lot better for standing up for myself (even if I get nothing more than letting my boss know what she did was not only wrong, but ILLEGAL)
Good luck! and hold your head high... |
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| Reply from: |
sunsett52 |
| Date: |
8/24/2007 1:03:00 PM |
| Reply: |
oopss.. I meant body odor... was writing too fast.. LOL |
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| Reply from: |
patrick |
| Date: |
8/26/2007 12:01:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Thank you very much for your suggestions and support! all gratefully recieved. I did try and take it further, but unfortunately (I worked in Gibraltar) one cannot take any legal action against an employer until one has been there at least a year ! (they have their own rules there you know). I did approach my workmates for support, but they are too afraid of her to help... even though they all despise her, they are too afraid of losing their jobs, and I guess I can understand that. But I did tell her face to face that I thought she was totally wrong and very descriminating to ever suggest such a thing and suggested she never said it to another employee ever again. Her reaction was totally predictable, somewhere in the vein of well, it was very hard for me.... but I felt I had to tell you .... HUH. I realise now she was threatened by my professional ability and totally insecure in her own, that was the root of the problem.. and eventually it will lead to her demise. I was the first to be sacked, but 6 other people had left in the 12 months she had taken over as boss. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT ! you have helped me a lot, just being able to speak to somebody about it ! |
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