How to work effectively with a difficult boss


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    Key Books

    Coping with Toxic Managers, Subordinates ...And Other Difficult People: Using Emotional Intelligence to Survive and Prosper

    In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing With Manipulative People

    Throwing the Elephant: Zen and the Art of Managing Up

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    Inexperienced Boss and the Blame Game

    Posted by: redshoes
    Date: 6/13/2005 8:57:13 PM

    I've been with my current company a little over 6 months. I've been working in my career for over 6 years (and have always gotten good reports from my supervisors). While there is some job hopping, I've actually been on the lower end of the spectrum industry wide and have only changed companies twice, usually for promotion purposes.

    This past month I have had to deal with some uncomfortable moments with my boss. We had several projects go awry. One (mostly as a favor to my boss) was completely my fault. (I apologized) The others were assigned to me late, and due to my boss's lack of knowledge about my specific job she promptly blamed me for any error.

    This seems to be a theme with her. While I am now compiling a list of everything that is late/ignored/delayed/anal-retentive/incorrect, I also believe that she is attempting to pass all of the problems on to me. (I have heard rumors from friends in the industry that she's been talking about me.) Since, lately I've been getting the silent treatment, and we only communicate via email or face-to-face at the end of the day, I don't feel that she is open to discuss any issues. In fact, I think discussing any of these issues will only result in retaliation.

    I'm wondering if I should mention to HR that I plan on discussing issues with her, so that they will be aware of any reprisals that might occur afterward. How do I protect myself against someone who thinks they are always right, but does nothing to demonstrate their ability?

    I'm not the only one in my department who feels this way. And according to some of my coworkers, upper management is aware of her "problems," but I know I need to cover myself anyway.


    Reply from: siggpuppy
    Date: 6/15/2005 9:03:00 AM
    Reply: I tried to respond you but it was disappered for the whole thing.. sorry

    Reply from: siggpuppy
    Date: 6/15/2005 9:05:00 AM
    Reply: I am trying again. 1) I also got problems similarly like you too. Her desire was to be a director but lack of managerial skills and knowledge. She may finish HS and clean room and toilet-bowl for more than 25 years, picked brain from others, copied, and claimed all the good part to be hers. S/he manipulted the situation to make her look good at the same time tended to hunt you down and chase you out from the system. I did not know at the first month. I was pressure to do the job and added more on me everyday. But I made it until I just about to quit. They may even ask you to do something that not acceptable as well as they will use the word "DELEGATION" to put away her load to people like us and may not understand workload balance. I thought that they do understand but they want to get rid of us anyway. Making a note is my normal habit. It worked afterward, because you will know what you have done in the past to help and protect her butt. By that time, my boss always say that I did not do my job. What a hell was that, if I did not do my job why I did get the dam_med thing done every night I worked and pass nothing or few little things for the next morning.

    Reply from: siggpuppy
    Date: 6/15/2005 9:06:00 AM
    Reply: 2)When you start hearing something like that, that means s/he already painted you with upper management or others. By putting you in such a situation (self-doubt, and confused about your ability), This is hers/his fear. My boss is like a psychotic person. People may not know you well that how hard you work and how much load they dumped on your shoulder to help them to let them these loosed walking robots in the company. They do act professionally, walking in nice suit, take smoke break frequently to form his/her allies. Open discussion may occur but remember that they will listen for whatever you say and/or complain. Your problems are not theirs. But your problems are from them. They already set his/her agenda. I have done that (open discussion, talked to HR)and get no where. They present me to the upper level negatively. Now, you gotta think for yourself whether you want to continue working for them or get out.

    Reply from: siggpuppy
    Date: 6/15/2005 9:06:00 AM
    Reply: 3)If you work in for At Will company in such a state, you chance is limited because they can dump you out anytime. You may protect your self by bring up the issues and open discussion with them with NEUTRAL person in the meeting. Do not expect the result because they will protect each other. You gotta to have reason and explain why and how you feel with written document, date and time etc, how and why you feel with reason. Belive me, they will use your information to pressure you back again. This is a gang or a group of coward people who are incompetent. This is an ugly management styles I ever see in my life. If you explain, it will turn to be you complain. You can clarify anything they will say that is a negative thought from you. Read more about bullying from other sites to learn how to protect yourself. I am done with them. I submitted the issues to HR. It did not mean anything as well because they were trained to protect the team. If HR person is new, you go no where.

    Reply from: siggpuppy
    Date: 6/15/2005 9:08:00 AM
    Reply: 4)I told my HR that, if you act as HR she needs to be neutral, study the situation before forming the conclusion to satisfy the company. My case, I got something I called it "bribe" to leave the company. They know exactly that they did wrong with me. As you said, you have heard something about your work performance, that mean they alreaday painted you. You may not know how much falsed information they gave to the upper management. What I got from them are sadness, stress and scar in my soul, but I need to move on.

    Reply from: pauline
    Date: 6/15/2005 11:57:00 AM
    Reply: I would be very careful what you say cos it could backfire and make things worse.It is very easy to prove things which are on paper, i.e. doc not get up to date, procedures not being adhered to cos you could have actual physical prove, but the hassle you are receiving personnally is not so easy to prove unless you have back up from others who have witnessed and will help you.

    Reply from: carolyn
    Date: 7/3/2005 11:37:00 PM
    Reply: try to communicate in a professional calm manner. if that doesn't help, at least you can say you tried because that will be the first question HR will ask you. good luck. carolyn

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