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Coping With Difficult Bosses
The Bully at Work: What You Can Do to Stop the Hurt and Reclaim Your Dignity on the Job
The Allure Of Toxic Leaders: Why We Follow Destructive Bosses And Corrupt Politicians--and How We Can Survive Them
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Coping in an abusive workplace
Posted by: pmoskowitz
Date: 8/7/2005 2:41:36 PM
I have been working for my company for almost 2 years. From Day 1, a cor-worker treated me in the most abusive way. She would seek to discredit me and berate me in front of my colleagues as well as vendors whith whome we have a working relationship with I confronter here but it did not good. I finally filed a grievance because it was affecting my job performance as well as having a negative effect on me personally. My boss was just as abusive. I was singled out and berated by her as well. Things improved for awhile and I thought I would give it another chance to stay on. Almost exactly a year to the date, the abuseive treatment has started up again. This time the co-worker's brother has taken up where his sister left off. He has berated me in a public way. My boss berates me constantly and nothing I do is ever right. I know that she will move on to another target when she gets tired of me or I file another grievance. I've seen this happen before. This is the first time this has ever happened to my in my entire 30 year career. I have been in therapy to get help dealing with the stress that comes with being in an abusive workplace and it has helped to a great degree. I have supportive friends and a very happy home life that helps get me through the day. I know that I have to eave this job to getaway from the abuse, but I am 53 years old and it will take me some time to find another position. What can I do to protect my self while I prepare to leave this job?
| Reply from: |
goodbossmeis |
| Date: |
8/16/2005 4:55:00 PM |
| Reply: |
I'm so sorry you have to put up with that crap. It makes me angry that it's a women who's doing this abuse. Perhaps you can feel bad for her and convey this pity in your eyes. She will see it and hopefully back off. Or try a little reverse psycology and say " oh I'm sorry you feel this way I understand what you are feeling" Your Therapist could also give you coping techniques but I've found that you just have to stop it and walk away from this abuse. It's not good for you and you deserve better. |
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| Reply from: |
mindym22 |
| Date: |
8/18/2005 4:11:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Is there a manager or HR dept you can speak to? Companies generally do not allow this sort of thing. |
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| Reply from: |
siggpuppy |
| Date: |
8/21/2005 3:57:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Are you sure that HR can help you? I don't believe so. If stayed away, you health both physical and mental will soon resume to normal level faster. Let her do it, what she did, what she get... and SOON.
Standard is raised more and more in every workplace, someday soon,they know what how many jitter bugs fly and crawl around the workplace.
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| Reply from: |
pmoskowitz |
| Date: |
8/22/2005 6:06:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Thank you for your very helpful responses. I've tried going to HR but, since it is not a violation of a specific code of conduct, they shy away from this sort of thing. They pretty much categorize it as a personality conflict. I've developed some pretty good coping techniques to get me through the day. I have actually stopped responding to my boss when she starts to become abusive. I say nothing and I try to end the encounter as quickly as I can.
It's work and she's backed off to some degree.
Any other ideas are most welcome. |
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| Reply from: |
sadlady |
| Date: |
9/29/2005 9:47:00 AM |
| Reply: |
I surely understand how you feel. I went thru this a couple of years ago and my boss criticized me so much, I felt I was totally worthless. No matter what I did, she put me down. Yet, she is still there and getting promoted - and I keep asking myself why!! Hang in there - just start looking for another job in your spare time - and hopefully you will find another. |
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| Reply from: |
purpleflower |
| Date: |
10/16/2005 4:31:00 PM |
| Reply: |
I have a suggestion for coping with a bully.
Ask them about themselves. Seriously. I know it's sickening, but try it. Get them talking about their kids, home, vacation plans, hobbies etc... Once you get them going - lay it on as thick as you can stomach.
It's the strangest thing. I've noticed with the bully I have to deal with (in human resources) that he seems to feel the need to have 'chats' with each employee on a regular basis, and this is when he likes to make other peoples lives as miserable as possible. One day I was summoned for a chat, and I just could not stand to listen to more of his nitpicking and fault finding (he delights in making people feel bad) so before he got a chance to start I asked him about a little art piece he had on his desk. He starts talking about it, I look all bright eyed and interested, nodding, oohs and ahs, ask questions to get him to tell me even more about it, and before you know it - he's blathered on for about 45 minutes and we're done! He got to have his 'chat', and I got to leave unscathed.
If I do say so myself, it was brilliant.
Just keep a straight face, and tell yourself it isn't ass-kissing it's self preservation!
If talking about a bullies camping tips will save you from being picked on - go for it.
Every now and then he tries to have a real work-related conversation with me, I say as little as possible, repeat back what he says and leave as soon as I can. Even a moron will get suspicious if you change the topic every single time. I can't afford to lose this coping mechanisim by him cottoning on. |
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