Workplace Bullying: What Can You Do?
"It's hard to pinpoint how it started. Maybe it was when you saw your manager's assistant noting those rare occasions when you came in 10 minutes late. Or maybe it was the time the boss half-jokingly trashed your performance -- in front of her higher-up."
Date: 6/18/2006 12:02:00 PM
I have been bullied at my work since the first day of my employment. I have read lots of materials about how to react to bullying and followed those instructions carefully. But it did not help to stop the bullying behavior. Now I know that those people who do research in this area do not know everything about the character of the matter. I tried to be as calm as possible when the bully used his teasing strategy. The bully understood that he cannot get me out of balance. Knowing this he started making friends with other insecure people in the organization and turned them against me. Now they are a gang. I still continue to react in the same calm manner but it does not make them to stop. Since they are a gang they do not take my reaction personally. They feel anonymous.
Recently my boss asked me why I isolate myself. I told him about the bullying. The bullying people started act in a different way (in a kind manner). But I do not think they can change the situation radically because if they do so, they have to admit that I have been bullied for three years.
Date: 9/24/2006 1:07:00 PM
my boss phoned me up while i was off sick with a brooken arm shouting at me telling me ive got to go back to work the next day after my op. before then he always made a example of me like i fell through the first floor of a building and he said the reasone was i was too fat . this has gone on for 4 years now. i feel like im branded as usless. hes said if i leave ill only get treated like shit elsewhere i feel sick my health has gone from bad to worse and i just want to die. another worker started 2 yrs ago and now hes on more than me and he doesnt do half the jobs i do. when customers come down i get laughed at and when other people start at work my boss makes me the laughin stock.
Date: 9/28/2006 2:51:00 AM
It seems like the Bully types always win in the end...and "us good people" get fired or quit..My time comes tomorrow...I am terrified...too bad I dont have this book
Date: 10/2/2006 6:48:00 AM
I was bullied out of work over 4 years ago in a small country town in south australia. It has been a constant trauma in my life and no matter how much medical help, counselling, wellbeing strategies I have consulted I feel as much pain now as then. The greatest pain is that this happened to me over a long period of time fellow workers confirmed to me they "knew" I was being targeted, but nothing no support when I went to workcover with my workpkace bullying claim. All I want is acknowledgement that yes I was bullied...it is a silent hell.
Date: 10/25/2006 5:03:00 PM
I believe you were bullied. They have the power, and if you call them on their behavior they just say that you are projecting your issues into them. Well what they don't realize is that you are the paranoid, defensive, limbic-system-activated ninny you've become as the direct result of their abuse...
Date: 12/20/2006 10:02:00 PM
I have encountered a boss that bullies and uses fear tactics to get results. It can become an abusive cycle and you start to rationalize the behavior and make excuses for it. It's sad when you somehow accept being yelled at, constantly told that you will lose your job if you don't do better. See the signs and get out early.
Date: 12/24/2006 2:00:00 PM
to anonymous in south australia: I really feel for you. I was billied out of my job about the same time you were and the psychological ramifications are enormous. I have lost the ability to support my kids, to help them pay for college. I have lost confidence in myself as a professional, I have terrible issues of trust, and because he tried (unsuccessfully) to infiltrate minorities in my classes, callk them to his office and try to make a case that I was a racist (to which they all responded that he was full of it, thankfully), I now am something I never was my entire life: wary around certain minorities because ths guy was Latino, had a HUGE chip on his shoulders, hated women unless they played a traditional compliant role and considered himself, as well, Indian because of his heritage, he made me fear the classrom because althugh I successfully fought off his baseless charges, it is an awful thing to try to prove you are NOT racist when your minority boss is trying to do so. I am thankful to my Lakota students for speaking up on my behalf, but the effect on my life was devastating, and when he couldn't find gounds to get rid of me he used a contractual loophole. What steps have youtaken to regain confidence? I am depressed and fearful, almost agoraphobic now. And I have never in my life felt hatred until this man came along. It's is corrosive and not healthy but I endured years of abuse.
Date: 1/7/2007 1:02:00 AM
I have been bullied by my boss for 2 years. She is an elementary school principal. She was dismissed from 3 schools, due to poor job performance. This affected her so badly, she had a nervous breakdown after being demoted from one school.
She is an alcoholic and is mentally unstable. She is such an abusive person that about 7 staff members (including school student aides, teachers and custodial) have quit this year.
She has vandalized my desk, yelled at me while trying to provoke me into rage. She made abusive statements about me over the intercom (it was accidently left on). It had gotten so bad, I had to go to the doctor, several times. I have complained several times to my union, to no avail. Finally, I had to complain to a government agency to make her stop. After contacting my union, did she finally stop.
Date: 1/7/2007 10:13:00 AM
Several years ago I wrote a book on the subject of workplace culture and employee morale. It is as relevant today as it was then. Employee morale is directly linked to the interaction of employees with line managers who are charged with executing the policies and strategies of companies. Unfortunately, many of these managers subvert the good intentions of the organization to meet their own personal goals and agendas at the expense of their peers and subordinates. This management subculture is a direct result of a corporate culture of ignorance, indifference and excuse. Better corporate level leadership is the key. Read more in "160 Degrees of Deviation: The Case for the Corporate Cynic." Jerome Alexander
Date: 1/17/2007 2:25:00 AM
I just started a new job in a doctor's office as a medical assistant, and I have been discluded and belittled since the day I started there. I never get invited to any of the lunches, or even birthdays of the other employees. I am told things last of all that have to do with recent updates in the workplace, and I was a wreck at Christmas time, because I was afraid I wouldn't get invited to the staff Christmas party. I am a very nice person, and I am good at my job. I have never had to go through this before, and I am shocked at the other girl's behaviour towards me. One of the girl's at work mumbled under her breath that I was a "freak". There is nothing freaky about me, in fact, I am very attractive. I am so hurt at their behaviour towards me, that I am thinking about quitting my job. I am also going to go to my doctor to be put on antidepressants because of the way I am being shut out and treated. Why are they doing this to me?? I have been nice to them all along, but I am to the point where I feel like punching a hole in a wall. I am so frustrated...
Date: 1/24/2007 8:22:00 PM
There is nothing we can do. Just suffer and die. I have been bullied everywhere since I was a child (daycare, school, church, work) and nothing helps. All I can do is Suffer and Die.
Date: 1/25/2007 10:18:00 PM
The bullies don't always win! When I was bullied 5 years ago, I went to HR and initiated an action under the employer's harassment policy. Of course, the bully then put my complaint down to bad performance on my part (though I'd received an excellent performance evaluation and MVP award). It was tough (nobody before me had had the guts to pursue it and I now know why), but I stuck to my guns and did not let up. When my boss's boss tried to trip me up, I would go into meetings with points I wanted to make and would not stray from my agenda - I won alot of points that way (which, in the long run, was empowering). In the end, I lost my health, but - thru a supportive doctor - got the paid off time I needed and a handsome severance pay. A few months after I'd left, the bully tried her tactics again...and was fired. Nobody in the downtown core would hire her (due to her reputation) and she had to find a job outside of the city and her area of so-called expertise. I won!!!!
Tomorrow I face down another bully. I have my points written and if I leave, I will be speaking to both her boss and HR about the reasons why I am leaving. Luckily, I am very marketable! (I'll also add that there has been a flow-through of people in my position...to the extent where our internal clients have lost faith in our department because nobody stays. That, of course, will be on my boss's head if and when I leave.) I will NOT leave quietly!!!!
Date: 2/7/2007 11:32:00 PM
Showdown time coming with my boss. I have over the past year noted every single case of abusive behaviour I have been subjected to. Others have been subjected as well but I doubt they will speak up for fear of losing their job. I've lined up another job option as well. a group meeting planned next week, where I expect my incomptent boss will mouth off at me. Fine. In front of everyone, including the VP Finance I will let this man know what he is made of. losing my job is a possibility but I will walk out of there my head held high, knowing that everyone in that room was thinking about everything I said wishing they had the guts and the options to say it. One things for sure, bully bosses ruin great people and good companies. Fight back.
Date: 2/8/2007 7:41:00 PM
I have been bullied to the highest degree for nearly 6 years now. Being the only woman in a 100+ all man workforce has caused severe depression and work related anxiety I have contemplated suicide and hurt daily. The day I began to fight back and stand up for myself I found myself in Human Resources in a pre termination hearing. I am so angry.
Date: 2/8/2007 7:46:00 PM
my comment is the one above this also. What should I do if my HR director is involved with the group of bullies. I work for a city/township so the only person HR answers to is the Mayor. HR director is an appointed position, shall I clarify appointed by the mayor? Sorry please someone help me.
Date: 2/20/2007 12:07:00 PM
Women! We can be such nasty creatures. Women need to be more understanding of each other, especially in management positions. My experience has proved that most women managers, especially if they have not had children, are the worst offenders. Just because some so-called professionals hold special certificates to display their qualifications, does not make them a good manager. Compassion and understanding is what is lacking. The need to empower. It's all a game to them without the full understanding of what they are creating. From all the information I have read and from what I have experienced, I now go into these processes with the mind state that underneath it all they are just as vulnerable. Try not to paint too much of a visual, but, just imagine them sitting across from you in their birthday suit, and smile. My harrassment grievance begins tomorrow and if I could pass on my thoughts, remember this, YOU have more control in this situation, because YOU have to agree. Don't falter, don't give up, what goes around comes around, just would like to be the fly on the wall when it happens. But most importantly,their lives aren't over yet. BE STRONG and don't give them the satisfaction. Just keep notes of everything. I did and they will lose!
Date: 2/24/2007 12:51:00 AM
Like one of the commenters above, I have also been bullied all my life, starting from the age of about 12. When I finished grade school, I thought I would be free of it. But then in High School I was bullied relentlessly. In College I was bullied. And now, in the first well-paying job I have ever had, I have had to put up with a year-and-a-half of harassment from two different co-workers. My boss has actually joined in on humiliating me and stomping me down into the ground, since she is extremely angry with me for daring to suggest that something negative could be going on in her perfect little company. I've worked part-time weekends for the past two years with the hope I would get a full-time job there, but since I came forward about the bullying, my boss has denied me several full-time positions that have come up. I pursued a grievance, right up to the top of the chain, but it was pointless. They're all in it together. I'm considering going to the CEO or to Human Rights, but the truth is I just don't want to deal with this anymore.
All of this comes on top of the fact that I am bipolar and am dealing with serious family problems. I just wish I could go to sleep and never wake up.
Date: 3/1/2007 6:03:00 AM
Yea my boss is a big bully. She called me a damn b***ch under her breath to my face. She doesnt train me properly, then expects me to know what to do, then gets mad when i dont do it so i look like a complete fool. my confidence to work has been diminished through her power play to make me feel inadequate and i do want to quit coz the job is boring anyway, but i realised something! everyone here is in the same boat, but we need to choose that we do not need to be treated this way- we are capable, and i read that bullies are often threatened by people so that is why they bully, to cover their insecurity. noone should be bullied to the point where they become mentally ill, or contemplating suicide! this is not right, and we do not need to take this. While i am in the midst of a trial with a bullying manager, i know the first key step to sorting it was telling the main boss so the manager isnt getting away with it. next step is, even if i leave, i have a chance to confront her and let her know she cant treat anyone like that.
Date: 3/3/2007 6:53:00 PM
Please write a letter !
what can the director do??
Gives me tips please,because i can not speak very good english.
My teacher say,I must write a letter to director of the school how can he make about bullying?please help me
Date: 3/8/2007 10:54:00 PM
The most frustrating thing about this is that coworkers don't want to step forward, because they may be the next bully, or ex-targets don't want to get involved, since it is a distasteful subject.
Date: 3/12/2007 2:57:00 PM
i have worked fort my company for for years and noticed my manager always used to treat me a lot differently from every body else.if some one did some think wrong it was allways my fault and was constantly shouted at in frount of staff an dclients and there families.
i was sitting on my break last week and had a drink on the table that i had brought in.my mananger came storming over and shouted that does not look very professional and i will throw it away.she procceded to snatch the drink and marched to the kitchen bin and threw it away in frount of every one.i complained to the owner who at the time seamed to be on my side saidhe will speak to her tomorrow.the next day i arrived into work to be told that the manager wants to speak to me.in a nut shell she proceded to shout at me and blame me and said didnt care and will do it again.the awner was in full aggreement with the manager.i left the room feeling like they do not care about the complaints procedure an d i have no choice but to put up with it.whilst i was being told off i was told i was a trouble maker and was it about time i got another job
im 29 and feel like they can treat me any way they feel fit.which i know they cant.at presant i am trying to find out if i can take this matter further.
Date: 3/12/2007 10:08:00 PM
help me i'm been bullied by the job i have worked on for about 15 or 16 years and due to a job related injury i can no longer work. they send me letters with double talk on it that they know i can not understand. they have told me that they are not running walfare system. i,m not trying to get walfare. i just want them to be fare and due right by me.
er in chicago
Date: 3/14/2007 12:11:00 PM
i'm glad to know i'm not alone. i've been bullied since i started this job, by one girl in particular. it's subtle - ignoring me, refusing to speak to me, looking away when I address her directly, muttering under her breath, and excluding me from coffee, lunch etc. What I don't understand is that the other girls I work with don't see it. It's ruining my professional and personal life, and though I've only been in this job a year, and had hoped to make my career here, I may not be able to. I can't take it. She's not the type who'll accept being wrong on ANY front, so there's no point in bringing this before my boss. It's sad.
Date: 3/16/2007 7:40:00 AM
I work at a food processing factory and ever since i started i have been sneered at,made the scapegoat,and been called a freak,a slow learner and everything else.I am excluded from the group and the other women make jokes about my hair,my face etc.
Is this just me i wonder,or is the factory environment in general toxic?
I have lost all my self esteem from being laughed at and i feel like i am a loser.
Date: 3/19/2007 9:20:00 PM
I work at a western transit company and our marketing director is a bully. He has favorites, steals your work, a jaragon lover, a time waster, he's mean, rude and nasty. He looks at me like my ex did during our divorce. I'm not scare to lose my job but the rest of the folks here are and so no one says anything. Our senior mgmt just sticks their head in the sand as one departing employee tried to tell them when she left. What do you do?
Date: 3/22/2007 1:18:00 AM
I amworking to get out of a bullying situation by trying to get another job. Filed a hostile workplace complaint last week and my alcoholic boss retaliated today by gving me a negative performance review. The human resources rep just sat there and did nothing. I'm so tired and depressed. I just want out. The job market is so tight right now...I've been applying and waiting for 6 months. And the friends who wanted to know all the dirt and said they would back me have, of course, run away.
Date: 5/1/2007 11:37:00 PM
thank you to everyone for commenting... oddly i feel better just reading about everyone's experiences... i especially feel the same with the person that said they want to die... and i agree too being bullied by a gang is so much worse... i just got so upset the other day, i am not sure what is happening it is just one woman talks to me like a dog..its in her tone of voice, the way she explodes if i do things like don't fill a teapot with hot water correctly,etc and literally screams at me. she also seems to be jealous of the boss that support, who is also quite psycho, blows up for no reason, gets jealous if i talk to my other managers... gods and these are women! perhaps it is because it is an all female office..i have read a few websites on bullying since and have tried ignoring them but they just get angrier and angrier..i am also a minority i am not sure if this effects anything, all i know is that it really doesnt help matters... the worst thing is, i am just clerking now after finishing my masters, which i failed because also of a gang of teachers who also bullied and screamed at me, literally... i am still recovering from that and now i am into this, it just feels so hopeless, being bullied is going to follow me forever... i know pretty well that i am going to get fired for not being 'loyal' enough to this crazy boss who thinks i should badmouth all the other managers that are in competition with her and i just don't know what to do...
Date: 5/1/2007 11:44:00 PM
sorry i just had to add another comment... its so hard to focus too, i feel so disoriented there all the time and i was pretty bad before for being abused for years in school...i am so glad though that i have read up on this topic on other boards like this, as i now realise i have a right and a need for non hostile work or study environments... it is so important to have a life and a space that is healthy and positive, rather than hostile. even a few snide comments a day or dirty looks is not normal, i so have to get out of here...
Date: 5/24/2007 12:10:00 PM
I work at an company in NYC. My boss was nice at first, but she bullies me alot and I let her get away with it. Recently it has gotten really bad where I dread coming in everyday. I have been told by others I am doing a good job, but nothing ever seems good enough. My boss has even implemented a new policy where I have to pay a dollar for every grammar or typo I have. She's very rude and often times does it in front of others. Does anyone have advice or strategies for coping with a boss like this?
Date: 5/26/2007 7:30:00 AM
Difficult when the bully is director of HR! I can't believe the prejudice that she projectsonto the workforce.
Date: 5/26/2007 2:05:00 PM
Well, I thought that I was alone feeling like this...I have work for the MTA NYTA for 2 1/2 years and just had an incident..I mouthed off to my boss, but I have to admit it was a confusing discussion we were having and I got mad because she always makes me feel like it was my fault and she never takes responsibility for her actions..she has a very bad reputation and I hear it from other people but this doesn't help me..its too bad I don't work for the union...I can't believe I am going to write this but I am white and my co-worker is black...I like her I AM NOT A RACIST but I think my boss who is part philiphine and chinese is scared of her and puts al the work on me...its not that I can't do it...it is just unfair for me...I just got promoted and I like the work...I do get sometimes bullied but other people but sometimes I just ignore them...its really my boss...I feel I can't trust her..now I am starting to get emotional at my job and I don't know what to do...I did just go to my boss's boss' boss...if that makes sense...he told me not to worry...I just got her in trouble and now I am really scared...I want to walk right off of there but I am not a quiter!!! I am an over achiever and this is such a stressful situation for me...I have tried to get transferred out of there but recently told that I was denied another position...but the thing is my co-worker is out for a couple of months for surgery..I really don't know what I am going to do...the job is so good for me right now ....I could use some good advice right now...I am losing it big time!!!!
Date: 5/27/2007 11:52:00 AM
I am convinced that due to "open trade" with companies that do not have to meet salary or environmental standards US companies have to scrimp and save where they can in order to compete.
When a company is not doing good the crap rolls down hill, so us little people are the ones who get hit full force.
I am not so sure that the "grass is greener on the other side". Bottom line, if you company is not doing well you can bet that your experience there will not be a pleasurable one.
Date: 6/10/2007 5:06:00 PM
my philosophy todate with dealing with my own situation has been to "suck it up", but even i do not know how much longer i can do that for.
Date: 6/16/2007 11:02:00 PM
My answer to the question of what to do is 1 never justify yourself to the bully and 2 don't let them make you feel guilty. This has worked for me in the self preservation area but it has not stopped my psychopathic boss from pursuing me but limited what she can get me for. We are now in court. She has had to fabricate her defense. Fortunately I have been a meticulous record keeper and can provide evidence of fabrication, however the big bosses refuse to acknowledge her wrongdoing so it goes to court. This is how far you need to go.
Date: 6/17/2007 11:40:00 AM
totally agree with the person above
this is also working for me. my employer part of a big group of companies have failed on a number of times with the grievance procedure, even broken employment laws, health and safety laws, remember guys you have to do your research and obtain legal advise before going down the legal route but if you have to go that way you should.
it is a legal duty for employers to provide a safe working environment free from bullying harassment victimisation and discrimination. if you give in at the first hurdle you have let them get away with it and it will continue.
take it all the way if you have to.
Date: 6/28/2007 2:23:00 PM
I am a very bright and intelligent individual, howeverm i've been working at a mediocre job simply for the fact that it just pays so great and the benefits are also a bonus... However, there is this one co-worker in particular who talks downwardly to myself and other co-workers. It has been this way since i have first started working here. When you ask her for help, or an answer to a question she gets angry, expecting you to inately already know the answer. She treats you like a child, although she is a young woman herself, she has an inferior complex or something of the sort, because she feels the need to assert herself. Now i know there are two ways to assert yourself... one is a good way and the other is at the expense of others. The latter of the two reflects her method. Two faced, she will be apple pie to you one moment, the next, a raging hurricane of blame guilt and degredation. It's very harmful to one's mental health. Ignoring the problem does not make it go away... it only makes her act out moreso in order to get the attention she craves... help! I'm out of alternatives and I don't want to quit my job because of her!
Date: 6/29/2007 4:26:00 PM
These bullies are probably suffering from some sort of personality disorder(borderline, anti-social, etc.). These bullies don't understand socail rules and will never stop their inappropriate behavior. Don't try to get along with them. They will self-destruct sooner or later (most likely later). It is better just to get away from them before they make you insane along with them!! Look for a new job and count your lucky stars that you are not like them.
Date: 7/6/2007 5:04:00 PM
we're the ones with personality disorders, the bullied, sensitive souls of the world. the screw you over people rule the world, look at the president (usa) for example. we just have to learn to let other things be the enjoyment in our lives and screw the jerks we encounter, no games, no retaliation, try once in a nice way to state your case (I suppose) and after that bombs, come in and just do your job as if you're an actor, playing a part that has little to do with your personal life. Don't react to the bs, just smile and nod to criticism and go home and enjoy your non-work life. i blew up at a rude coworker yesterday, he wasn't worth it, anger makes you weak in mind and strong in body and it's dangerous. these people almost never get in trouble for their crap, but we most certainly will for our rebuttal. the high road, if we don't have a reaction, we're not worth bothering, that's the theory. it's gotta be better than being angry and/or sad. good luck.
Date: 7/11/2007 10:24:00 AM
i believe i am being bullied. I am a woman and have been told, I used to think you were a smart woman. He does not take my word on anything and constantly investigates behind my back with my employees. I contacted HR over the phone once, This is the first time I have ever had this happen. He turns everything around, ends up confusing me and my information appears twisted. Now I am nervous etc. I have stood up to him, documented to my dr and am in a bad place. I do not know what to do.
This is my livlihood and I love my job.
Date: 7/11/2007 3:57:00 PM
Why can't these managers be sued? People should not lose jobs for these reasons.
Date: 7/19/2007 12:40:00 AM
Reading these comments makes me so sad. I was bullied for over a year by my employer and it was awful. I wanted to die. It hurt all of my outside relationships. Everyone who is bullied should know that it is not their fault. Bullies often target people who they are jealous of, people who are competent, compassionate, friendly and live by a high ethical standard. Being bullied does not make you weak. If you're being bullied, use what energy you have to remove yourself from the situation. YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS.
Date: 7/19/2007 9:47:00 AM
After coming to this forum, I felt as if I met people who will be able to understand me. I have been always a quiet, non-agressive person right from my childhood. People whom I have been closest to have bullied me. I don't want to mention their names, because I don't want to undermine the importance of those relationships. I have become become emotionally dry, I can't take it anymore. But how do you cope up with a performance-trashing boss, when you are having the honest intentions of doing everything sincerely? When you think of quitting, she tries to appease you, when you work, she tries to point out your faults all the time and just ignore your performances? Why the hell do they think that we are bloody unfeeling creatures?
Date: 7/19/2007 7:45:00 PM
I have the same feeling as many of you do. I am a server at a restaurant in Ireland (working holiday). I was never trained about a single thing. My boss tells me what to do by just standing there and directing me. I can have a list of 20 things to do for my customers but if my boss asks me to do something for her I have to stop and help her or she will yell at me (its a no win situation because if I do help her my customers will complain that I am ignoring them). When I told her my concerns about this she only said 'I am the boss so I know what’s important'. I was also yelled at for not bringing a wine opener when I was never told to do so in the first place. The head waitress is like a mini-me of the boss and treats me poorly as well. I will walk in the door and the first thing she will say to me is ’sweep and wash the floors and I don’t want it taking longer than 15 minutes’. Then she will get mad if it takes longer or is the quality of a 15 minute job. I used to get on really well with one of the other waitresses but once I was made fun of a few times by the head waitress she stopped talking to me as much and also became short with me. I have a 3.9 GPA yet when I go into work I feel stupid and worthless. I am here for only 4 more weeks but the thought of going into work makes me feel depressed and sick to my stomach. It is bad enough when I have a mean boss to have fellow employees mimic her behaviour or join in on bullying makes me feel alone and hated the whole time I’m at work.
Date: 8/6/2007 12:35:00 AM
I can see my skin get up and walk having read some of your stories. I have been a victim of bullying my whole life starting with public school right up in to the work force. Life was such that there was no such thing as good days and bad days, - only varying degrees of hell. I am in a new job that I have been in for four months and have been fortunate enough to have good colleagues. The flip-side is that even still, I keep to myself a lot and don't interact with colleagues outside of work simply because of past trauma. As much as I like to and as much as I like my job, I keep to myself so as not to give potential ammunition for someone to throw at me.
As a result, I live a lonely life even when surrounded by friends or people who are important to me, and a feeling of perpetual sadness prevails that I cannot shake no matter how much I try to smile and find a purpose in life.
The one consolation is that I learned to be more tolerant, understanding and empathetic. I learned these valuable skills from some of the most ignorant, vile and miserable scum that I have had the misfortune of having to answer to. I am grateful for learning the skills although I will always view the ones who taught me in contempt.
Date: 8/6/2007 10:02:00 AM
I am working with a co worker who is a complete NUTTER, Im talking punching holes in the men's toilet door 3 times now, when asked by my boss if he made the last hole in the door, he denied it! He under cuts my sales from me, lies and twists stories that he tells the boss to make himself look better, whats worse is that my boss keeps him on, but my boss is not much better, hes not violent but has a way of tearing you to shreds in front of regular customers, yelling and carrying on, over reacting to minute situations,being in retail you would expect a boss to have people skills, he purely does not, I have been called names like dummy and dopey, because he sees nice people as stupid people. The co worker is always swearing in front of customers, Im his senior, he snitches to the boss about everything and who said and did what bla bla. Life is full of injustice, Im quitting soon anyway, dont really want to but must do to save my sanity Im sick of being bullied!!!
Date: 8/10/2007 8:04:00 AM
Wow! I guess I am not the only one in this horrible situation. I've been dealing with it (at a severe level for 10 years now). Coworker (new) is supporting boss with his every tactic towards trying to get me to quit. I think that having a blog like this helps people with one major sysmpton that goes along with bullying and that is FRUSTRATION! Last night I didn't sleep at all over another daily does of tag teaming me to look badly in front of the C.E.O.
Any suggestions, other than documenting everything?
Date: 8/12/2007 7:41:00 AM
Hi. I worked for a very reputable IT Corporation, in Ireland for six years & became the subject of bullying in my final year & a half. I was being bullied by my female manager. It was absolutley horrific. She wouldn't approve me to go for interviews in other parts of the company, she took away my ability to earn "on-call" money, every single assesment with her was negative, she lied when writing up the minutes to our meetings, she continually brought my performance rating down. On top of that she was a real jeckyll & hyde. When I was on my own with her she was just a nasty piece of work & I could tell she was getting some sort of sadistic kick out of it all. Anyhow it's now one of the proudest periods of my life. I took action. I documented everything, emails she had sent, meetings, any harassment. By the end I had a bible of documentation, I handed in my resignation & passed a complaint of constructive dismissal to HR. She ended up seriously in the shit. Karma.
Date: 8/24/2007 1:36:00 PM
I am going through a Discrimination Complaint due to age, harassment, retaliation, and unfair treatment.I am scheduled for an Office of Affirmative Action Compliance hearing. I also filed a Grievance for my boss not following Policies and Procedures,
I have FINALLY learned that you must empower yourself! First thing - think back and document every remark, no matter how trivial.. approx. date and indicate the tone and manner in which the comment was made toward you... DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!.. then lay in waiting for the time you have enough documentation, witnesses (you are starting to feel better with each line.) If you work for an organization that has offical discrimation complaint department, then file with them, if not file a written complaint to your Human Resources/Personnel office. Indicate that you want an 'official investigation' of what is occuring, and action to be taken. OF file a complaint with the STATE. It is ILLEGAL for a boss to harass, retaliate, name call, discrimate due to age, race, gender, national origin, etc. etc.
Look up the laws in the internet.. empower yourself to know the law and rules, regulations and policies of your job...
Don't wish you were dead - I feel GOOD about it. I want EVERYONE to know - you DON'T HAVE TO ACCEPT THIS BEHAVIOR! The problem is NOT YOU!!
Consult a discrimation attorney and ask for free advice, find out what the law says about your situation... and if you feel it is unbearable... file the lawsuit while you are canvassing other jobs, so you can get out of this situation!!
Again - DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.. when you have the courage to do something about it, and have gained the knowledge...got some legal advice... you will feel better.. put JOB DISCRIMINATION into your search engine.. and start feeling good about yourself, again.
No, I am not an attorney... just a hard working gal who is tired of the bully-type boss and I am NOT going to take it anymore!
Date: 8/26/2007 8:14:00 PM
im only 14 ears old i think bout suicide all the time i self harm too i hate my life like this im depressed its just not fair i have no friends always alone i just dont know what to do anymore please help me someoneee email email@example.com thanx i hope u can help xxx
Date: 8/27/2007 10:36:00 AM
I have worked for the same company for about 10 years now. 99% of my co-workers are women. When I first joined I thought they were a great bunch of people. They seemed very friendly. Then I started to take notice of how they all talk about each other behind one another's back but were so friendly to the person's face. They profess to be great friends outside the workplace too.
I did not like this behavior so I distanced myself from it. I no longer take breaks or lunch with them and I turned down social engagements. This has turned them against me completely.
When I refused to abuse break and lunch privlidges as they do it sent them out of control.
I know all about the nasty nicknames they call me (because they love to tell on each other) and have overheard numerous conversations they have had about each other.
When 2 new employees were hired one of the bullies pulled them aside and said since they were new they should know about all the personal goings on of a particular employee who was having a hard time in her marriage. It was nasty and malicious gossip.
I went to my boss and explained the situation but she said her hands were tied because she had been accused of harassment in the past when she tried to deal with some other situations.
Because the group acts collectively I'm viewed as the anti-social one. For sake of ease I feel my boss has taken their side as well. She can hardly look me in the eye anymore. It's hard to get specific dates and times of who said what because the only info I overhear is about other employees never about me. What I know is said about me comes from third parties and names aren't used. I'm just told what is said.
I don't trust anyone I work with including my boss and I'm looking for another job. It's unfortunate this behavior has been allowed to continue for YEARS and I'm sure once I leave it will not stop.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Date: 9/12/2007 10:07:00 AM
Primary bullies ofen empower secondary ones and this is how mobbing forms. Your collective bullying group takes confidence in their numbers - majority rules! I endured the same thing for nearly 5 years - not wanting to partake in gossipy get-togethers and putdowns of other people, who I considered far more decent than the gossipers. It also went against my religious upbringing. I went to HR about the mobbing, but they were on the side of The Group, as was the VP, etc. The primary bully - a female- further confused the issues by implying I didn't want to socialize, or get any more involved with my work environment. She played all my coworkers like fiddlers and held the reins of power by being the only one in the office who could do what she did, job-wise. It didn't help matters that in this twisted group, were several people that had been charged in the past with criminal offenses; one menaced me physically several times before it was all over. My lawyer just said I should hand in my notice and I eventually left the hellhole. Thanks to reading about workplace bullying, I was able to put a finger on what was being done to me, and retain some self-respect and dignity. Be glad of who you are - it takes someone kindhearted to balance out someone cruel-minded and even if it doesn't appear to fully resolved in the long run, you are doing your part, whether you realize it or not at this time. Just don't play it so long that you're completely run down in the end. Get another job and continue to live up to your own honorable standards.
Date: 9/16/2007 10:04:00 PM
I have also been the victim of work place bullying by more than one boss. The fact is, no matter how good you are, or how great your job performance, when someone is out to get you, someone with power, you lose in the end at the workplace. There may be legislation in 11 states, but so what? There are no actual laws!
It's a dog eat dog world right?
The REAL problem is for older workers, over 50 who are being bullied by younger workers who want your job. What about my retirement? What about my need for having a job since I am the breadwinner? It's not easy quitting a job.
I also wonder if insurance companies like the fact that all this stress creates physical problems too, and premiums go up.
It's a NO WIN situation. There is nothing you can do about it.
Date: 9/17/2007 1:39:00 PM
I'm sorry to hear how you feel and I can sympathize. Yes, it is a dog-eat-dog world. Look what it took to end that horrific bullying of Jews that Nazi bullies (and all the people who looked the other way) perpetrated. That's an extreme but very real example of what bullying can escalate to, and genocide is still going on!
There aren't any simple answers to the struggle to survive. But people still need to be made aware of what they are doing when they bully, and bullying needs to be talked about in every work environment. I was called a baby several times for complaining about bullying; my response was that only babies can't talk about it. When its your bread-and-butter that's at stake, its not a 'baby's issue'. Besides, one of the ironic things about bullies is that while they may try to confuse the issue, they themselves are acting like insecure children, wanting to control everything around them.
Talk is cheap, they say, but I still think if it helps to dispel ignorance, then its worth it. If I hadn't heard about workplace bullying, I would have been beaten down in my office and worse, would have believed I had it coming to me, something the bullies wanted me to believe too. I left that workplace and its not easy to find another job, but its better than being abused on a daily basis by a mob bent on such perverse gratification.
Just an FYI -I used to work for a very large insurance company and believe me, nobody wanted premiums to go up since we employees there had to pay for insurance, too, and had loved ones who had to, too. Much about insurance is based on state laws, etc. In fact, many of us wished that our society could slow down and simplify. Also, I never endured bullying in that company, the management was caring and well-defined.
Date: 9/22/2007 12:58:00 PM
I work in a mental health clinic and was given a letter of warning because I helped a homeless person find a home. I have worked there 21 years and this is the thanks you get for helping the less fortunate in a helping job. I'd do it again anyway after seeing this person have a second chance at life, it was worth everything.
Date: 9/22/2007 3:36:00 PM
I have been bullied my last 4 jobs and am now being bullied in the 5th one! What the heck is going on. I work my heart out, am always smartly dressed and so on. Shame on the bullies! I would like to include with permission some of your stories in my book. Please let me know if ok to do so.
Date: 9/26/2007 12:36:00 PM
I don't know what to do. My boss is no help and says the working environment has to stay as it is. I work in a rural high school and have been bullied by a co-worker ever since we were told to share the same large office. She is rarely in the office or at her desk, but when she comes in our office she OVERLY apologizes, especially if I am with a client. Very embarrassing. When I was working with some young clients and we were cutting and pasting, she walked in and said "Aren't we a bit messy? But then again, this IS YOUR office". My young clients call her the Dragon Lady. Last week, she yelled at me in front of some clients about printer use. I had printed information for my clients. Apparently 8 pages is too much paper.
Date: 9/29/2007 2:52:00 AM
Hey there, I dont normally do this kind of thing but, i guess i need to talk to some one about it. I, for some reason have been the target of bullying my whole life. I guess its got alot to do with self confidence. Im a big strong guy, who works in construction., Not one who you would expect to get to the point of seif lothing and depression. You do your best to keep your game face on. But the taughnting and snickering continues. Accuations of being GAY is always a good one. I have a 5 month old baby boy, and sometimes this drives
nuts! I guess its because im sensitive about this and other issues. What ever the case, if they find a weakness, and you are withdrawn. You get hammered! Not nice but true. I guess there isnt really an answer for the bulling problem, because it will allways be there in some form or other. I think alot of this stems from jelousy. I dont resally think people realise the burden they can place on your shoulders with constant abuse. Sure you look fine, but your not. It hurts like hell. I guess there is some comfort in knowing that it is a regular problem and there are plenty of other people who feel the same way. But i wonder do they have to push so hard that you start to question if you want to live anymore? Not that i would do anything, because i have to stay strong for my family. but still, its messed up, but maybe thats why people lose it, in one way or another. Then everone says "that dudes crazy!". No one sees the hurt and pain inflicted apon you by others boiling away under a cool calm surface. And they would never accept any responsibilty for any thing if you snapped. Or maybe i should "harden up", and stop whighning. But its easy to mock someone who is down. This makes me hate peolpe. i know its not right and unhealthy. but its true.
Date: 9/29/2007 3:50:00 AM
My prayers to all of you. I understand how you feel. I work at a city hall for a director who most of us feel is a psycho and we suspect only got her position because she is female and a minority. In other words she filled two quotas at one time. Fine. However, not being qualified to manage apparently was not a criteria at the time of her hire. So far she has charged me with fraud which has black balled me from any promotion (even with more than 20 years of service) because this charge is now in my personnel file even tho she could not even come up with a decent response to my union rep when asked about the charge. She has threatened us with being fired, tells us we are easily replaced, asks us to snitch on each other, screams at us and well, the list goes on. I like to believe that there is someone at work you can go to for help but have come to the conclusion that you have to fight as dirty as your bullies. Unfortunately for some of us that does not come easily. I have lost most of my confidence in HR, unions or anyone who is supposed to be there to help you. Some of us have even talked about going to the newspaper about this unethical behavior and more at city hall in hope of calling attention to these working conditions. I now understand why people go "postal" or are on some serious antidepressants! Finally, I also try to hang onto the belief that what goes around, does comes around. Please everyone, hang in there and don't let the creeps win!
Date: 10/7/2007 10:00:00 PM
Guy in charge was making fun of me, funny comments, humor, and every one laughed; seemed like the group was going along with Guy in charge; I asked GiC several times to stop, since his comments upset me; no change; then I took him aside, made a real crazy face, eyes popping out, teeth nashing, breathing hard, all made up, of course, acting and I said:
MiC, I have asked you several times to stop ridiculing me because I get very upset, and you have not stopped; therefore, if you do it one more time (and here I really acted crazy) I am going to hit you so hard (and I lowered my voice to a whisper) that your nose will come out th e back of my head; (I am very short, male and weigh <130lbs)
MiC never ever made another bullying move; NEVER ever;
Bullies are cowards, but clever and sequential in their behaviour; I mean they know where they are going when bullying;
Date: 10/8/2007 12:20:00 AM
bullies just win end of they go from strength to strength and other fall apart.That must be the real world.
Date: 10/9/2007 7:08:00 PM
i cant believe what im reading, well actually i can for my daughter has just started her first job. an attractive articulated girl who works her ass off only to be bullied and intimidated by her boss ( a husband and wife tag team ) she gets every sort of abuse possible from the obscene to the petty. she comes home going W>T>F>...we have been to every government department to get some help, it seems there isnt any. i feel guilty sending her to work everyday, but she stands up and goes and puts up with it.
Date: 10/10/2007 9:28:00 AM
Putting up with it may work for a while, but in the meantime, she is getting a LOT of negative feedback, which could end up haunting her for some time to come. I hate to see a young person have that kind of crap laid on so thick so soon. If there are positive aspects to her job which mean more to her, then she may be able to hang in there, but if she begins to exhibit signs of stress such as insomnia, anxiety, becoming more indecisive and so on, encourage her to leave the place. For some people, changing jobs is a fearful and uncertain thing so they stay where they are rather than risk taking on another job where they fear things might be worse. But if she's a hard worker as you say, (tho she should take care not to become a doormat for others who seeing her industry, will then pile it on her!), then there's a good chance she will fare better elsewhere. Good luck to your daughter.
Date: 10/15/2007 10:44:00 AM
My situation is a bit different - I am 30yrs olf and back in school for Nursing. My one clinical instructor (have her for 15 weeks total) has singled me out (group of 10 students total), reduced me to tears on the 2nd night of clinicals, insulted me (behind closed doors), and is now 'picking on me' via email on a forum for the nursing students. I seem to be her target and am really concerned she will fail me out of spite. I've tried standing my ground and acting as though she isn't getting to me, but how do I not take it personally. the constant stress is really impacting my physical well-being. She is unreasonable and a bully and talking w/ her one-on-one is just setting me up for more problems.
Date: 10/19/2007 12:45:00 PM
To anonymous with the daughter,
She really needs to walk away from this job. Please, take this as seriously as it should be taken. People who are subjected to this kind of treatment only to return to it over and over again, suffer the same post-traumatic disorders as POW's. Your guilt is stemming from knowing what you know, and being a participant in her own, although admirable attempts to "tough it out" or to "overcome", misery. This is a victim's mentality and self-defeating. She deserves better - she knows it, you know it, and the bullies know it. Please, empower yourself by empowering her to make the decision to leave. Unfortunately, there are at this time, at least in the US, no legal options to combat such workplace assaults. Rather, suggest to her a brighter future elsewheres, and join the ranks in rallying for the Healthy Workplace Bill, and I promise you that in such battles, there's opportunity to heal. I've been there, and doing just that. God bless.
Date: 10/22/2007 7:44:00 AM
I know that i am not alone reading all your comments. this makes me stronger and I know that i am a good person, the bully and group of newly recruited bullies , including the mangager i might add will not drive me out of a job that i love so dearly. nursing in south australia a so called caring profession.
well the jokes on them i am staying and not taking their rubbish and comments about my sexual orientation anymore. gay and proud.
Date: 10/23/2007 5:26:00 PM
dolphin_girl, please tell your parents and your teachers. Contact childline and read as much as you can about bullying. Do not suffer alone and in silence
Date: 10/25/2007 1:51:00 PM
To gay and proud,
Please don't take this the wrong way, but unless the Healthy Workplace Bill is passed in the real near future, I hope you realize how long and taxing this will be for you mentally, emotionally, and physically just to prove, what? That you can? Furthermore, how can you love a job where abuse is tolerated, and worse, encouraged, because it is the people in power and authority that set the tone? Perhaps profession is what you meant to say, and if this is the case, heck, I am sure there are plenty of other nursing positions in your area that you could choose to explore. If the bullies are relentless in their efforts to hurt and injure you, then pain and injury is the price you will pay with your pride. At least POW's are real prisoners.
Date: 11/7/2007 5:07:00 AM
Date: 8/26/2007 8:14:00 PM
im only 14 ears old i think bout suicide all the time i self harm too i hate my life like this im depressed its just not fair i have no friends always alone i just dont know what to do anymore please help me someoneee email firstname.lastname@example.org thanx i hope u can help xxx
Do not give in. I am sure you have people around who love you and would be devastated at losing you. I have been bullied all my life. At Nursing college I stuck it out far longer than anyone else because they kept fai;ing me. I was older see. I made sure I got through just to annoy them. Don't give way. Bullies will always go out of their way. My Boss is a bully. I thought at first she was lovely and we would go out for meals and the movies, until she didn't keep getting her own way. If we ate anywhere at my suggestion she be sick the next day unless she'd chosen the restaurant. One day she'd be lovely, one day snide. I stand up to her. She hates me for that vbecause she thought I would be meek, mild and grateful. She needs to get a life. Maybe darling you just need to be sneaky, remind them of the things they've said in front of others, especially when those in authority are present. "Don't you remember saying that? I have it written down...etc because I knew you'd deny it". Give them heaps, embarrass them, you've obviously fought cleran now's the time to get in and twist the knife a bit. It's hard but it's your turn.
Date: 11/10/2007 11:58:00 PM
I can't believe how many people are saying, "Oh well...what can I do? Poor me. Boo hoo."
Stop playing the martyr and grow a spine, especially my fellow women. You're creating your own reality.
Date: 11/13/2007 11:28:00 AM
Ignorance as to what constitutes abuse of power does not condone it, and indifference to it when within one's circle of influence does not exempt culpability. I encourage all to get real, get educated, and help rally for the Healthy Workplace Bill, because... bullies do exist...targets are not the "weak and challenged", especially female martyrs...and most importantly all bullies should be held accountable. Unfortunately, playground bullies grow up to be social menaces.
Date: 11/13/2007 9:50:00 PM
The only way to deal with a bully at work is to stand up to them. Know that deep down they are nothing but insecure people. Every time you feel bullied is the time to stand up. Another thing to do is send anonymous email's to corporate or their bosses. Also if you look online you can find sites like rate my boss and other public website where you can leave comments about how they are treating you. Don't just take it from these people fight fire with fire. Don't get mad or hurt yourself hell if you are going to be fired why not go out with a little revenge? Not saying to get locked up or hurt someone but stand up to these bastards!
Date: 11/16/2007 10:48:00 AM
To reiterate...targets are not the weak and challenged. If the intent is not to hurt or jailed, it would be prudent to approach the situation from a proactive stance when confronted with a workplace bully. In other words, a target is always at a disadvantage when the bully is in a position of authority (this is what makes a bully a bully), especially when supported or even encouraged, which is oftentimes the case, by unspoken corporate policy (called mobbing). Shall the spouse return to an abuser...a dog to his own vomit? This is why we so desperately need the Healthy Workplace Bill in place. So that all managerial bullies, and the employers who groom them, shall be held accountable. This is, if you would, the ultimate "revenge". I prefer to name it deterrent. Are not all created equal in His image, and hence, deserving of the right to work in dignity?
Date: 11/25/2007 7:49:00 PM
I have worked in my position for over a year now and from the beginning she has been the worse supervisor I have ever had. She talks to me very degrading and disrespectfully. She has even let other workers that work in my office get away with saying horrible and rude comments to me and not say a word to them. What kind of example is she? I just recently had a baby 10 weeks ago and have been back to work less than 4 weeks and it has been the horrible. I dread coming into work each day and I really can not do anything about it. Her supervisor is her good friend and no one in the pass has ever gotten past her with complaints about my supervisor. I feel trapped. I do everything and more to make sure my job is done right and she always comes up with excuses and reason why I have to redo my work over. One time it was a few spaces on a memo that she needed me to type. That is how teadious she is making it out to be. I am scared that one day she is going to come up with some stupid excuse and fire me for no reason. And of course her supervisor will back her up. This is so wrong. I feel like I am back in grade school.
Date: 11/26/2007 9:50:00 AM
So why are you still there? Is there something more that these types of people can teach you? If not, find another job and leave.
Remember, to the bully you are larger than life -- as long as you are there, you are always in her sights and available for any perverse games she and her kind want to play.
Furthermore you have already acknowledged that she may very well fire you in the end, anyway.
Consider your tenure at that company pretty much over and begin again somewhere else.
Date: 12/5/2007 4:56:00 PM
reading through some of these posts is very frustrating, i cannot say i myself have been bullied at the workplace but... There has been attempts.
The major problem i see with "some" of these posts is poeple are focusing on how much everyday sucks because of the bully. Instead of focusing on the negative parts of your situation you have to think positive.
Go into work with your head held high, with your game plan for the day and get to work. The way you work/talk/carry yourself has alot of inpact on the situation. FLIP it all back onto the bully, go about your day as if your not worried about anything and you know your a good employee who gets the job done, if the bully approaches and tries to do the usual, just blow it off and give them that (o..k... are you done? because im trying to get work done here) kind of look. blow THEM off.. while remaining professional about it of course... just flip the situation on THEM.
Date: 12/11/2007 11:44:00 PM
Date: 12/16/2007 9:50:00 AM
Yes, think positive. HOld your head high. I did this for a number of years, while the bullies (there were several, one being a psycopathic liar and the other a closet lesbian who both hated and envied me (I'm a heterosexual female) and their gang took advantage of my stoicism and pride. It got to the point where I was physically threatened with a knife or one of them was slamming against my desk whenever he walked by, etc. The higherups were no help, and my lawyer could only advise me to leave such a hellhole.
I did so, and am now thrilled to be working in a more normal, less toxic workplace. I look back on those years when I 'took a licking and kept on ticking' and wonder why I bothered.
I showed them I could take their crap and still think highly of myself but you don't change truly evil, controlling and cowardly people by holding up your head, it only makes them hate themselves more and being bullies, they take it out on you besides. The only sensible solution is to leave; and let the hugh turnover in a toxic work zone speak for itself.
Date: 12/17/2007 11:04:00 PM
Hmm-diI have made my first complaints to HR, and am continuing to documment the mob's behavoir. The ringleader has gone through the trouble to dig up personal information on me. I use to be more open and talkative at work. I guess you have to be careful about what you say when your a 'target'. She always has a way to twist things though, that make it humiliating. But it also makes it hard to tag as bullying. "Why would someone make fun of you for that?"-ie my background in ecology. It felt so stupid, nitpicky, at first to be complaining about these things, and having to basicly go over whole conversations that the mob has had in order to put the insults and harrassment in context. But the continuing abuse, about me seeming too stoic at times or too surgary at others, has convinced me that there is nothing I can do to not be the target. Also has reaasured me that it is not me, in a way. Anything I do, the bullies want to portray as wrong.
I know its not over, but I am glad I am doing something, documenting it. Even if nothing comes of it.
The latest, when people were making fun of me being to focused on the job, of being to 'helpful', sugary, ect with our customers, and knowing that she has upset me in th past....
She said, in a childish voice meant to mock me "I'll help you, I'll help you off the ledge"-wiht a small chorus of laughter following.
That would have one time had me crying, I think, but not any more. I truely see her for what she is-she gets off on how far she can drag someone down, and would really like nothing better than to do, in the emotional sense, exactly what she said.
Date: 12/22/2007 10:27:00 AM
i believe i am being bullied by my boss because im fat and not 15 he favors the teenagers although i am the top person there he gives them money for no reason we had a girl quit because he was always trying to massasge her back he always tells them to come to him if there is a problem he yells at me when i did and called me a trouble maker he does this in front of other workers we all get along by the way if me and one of the girls try to talk he'll call them away he fired all his boys for no reason he barely says two words to me but talks there ears off he automatically blames me for something before he even finds out who did it he'll yell at me and i'll say i didn't do it then he'll say who did and i'll say and he'll go oh ok and leave it alone but if it turned out to be me oh no watch out he hires teenagers in there and jumps them above me i don't even have enough letters to tell you everthing but i need my job i live in antwerp ohio where jobs are scarce. so any lawyers with a conscience that would like to offer some help i would greatly appreciate it. po box 465 antwerp ohio
Date: 12/28/2007 12:38:00 PM
Any thoughts out there on this scenario where an owner of commercial property, while within legal rights to have security cameras installed, had done thusly without informing a particular worker - at least not until a month later, and only by word of another (employee) from the "inner circle". Would you feel violated?
Date: 1/11/2008 11:59:00 PM
basically, take some recording device such as a cheap and slim usb based voice recorder, put it in your pocket, or some slim camera in a bag, record your boss's attitude and stuff, and then go to the hr threaten to show this to the whole world. That is a powerful weapon, better than taking notes, voice/video evidence provides the most powerful evidence in any court of law and can even win you massive compensation as well. such devices cost nothing more than $30 for a cheap usb 1 gig recorder to $100 at the most. Put it in your suit pocket, or your hand bag or your desk under the paper when your boss treats you like a dog. You make a living, from your job. your family depends on you for that earnings, dont let a sick dog destroy it, bring him/her down first. if you have to go down then bring him down with you, its called samson option.
Date: 1/20/2008 8:52:00 PM
I have worked at the same place for sixteen years. I have tolerated abusive talk from my boss the whole time. When she gets it in for someone we know that the person will either quit or get fired. She has even made statements to us "do what it takes to make her want to quit" about another employee she wanted to get rid of. I did not know this demeaning treatment was considered workplace violence. I thought it was something that had to be accepted. I was recently given a new job title but I made her mad when I stepped on the toes of her pet, so she changed my title but left me with most of the same responsibilities. Does anyone know what legally can be done and what falls into the category of psychological workplace violence?
Date: 1/22/2008 2:23:00 PM
In response to advising the use of recording devices, there are some state laws prohibiting their use without a consenting party. So please check your state's position on such matters before implementing this method in building a case for yourself. Otherwise, you could find yourself in legal hot water and facing hefty fines.
Date: 1/28/2008 6:46:00 AM
do i have to accept a charge nurse role? i am a good staff nurse, but our mew manager says i now have to step up and take charge. the thought of this makes me ill. i just want ot be a nurse not a boss. can she force this issue? legally? i have been here 17 years!!
Date: 1/29/2008 3:48:00 PM
Someone please help...I left a job 3 months ago....the whole bullying and mobbing thing. I not am unable to find another job (i live in a small small community) and I know this is due to my last employer bad mouthing. What should I do?
Date: 1/29/2008 9:35:00 PM
I have a situation at work where a coworker has gained "status" because of his/her relationship to the boss. It is as if this coworker has self-elevated his/her self to be the group's supervisor, due to the personal relationship to the boss. It has gotten to the point where I or other certain targeted people in our group cannot casually talk to this coworker because it ultimately ends up in an interrogation and intimidation session. This coworker then goes to the boss complaining he/she is not included in communications. The manager has been made aware of this and still condones this action with silence. Is this a form of bullying?
Date: 2/4/2008 11:22:00 AM
Silence most certainly can be used as a means to bully.
Date: 2/8/2008 3:28:00 AM
I would like to jump across the bosses desk and choke her! But of course it can't be done.
Date: 2/15/2008 12:24:00 PM
Hear ye, hear ye!
Any misuse of power constitutes bullying. As children, it is schoolyard bullying at a physical level. Children grow up, or rather, some refuse to grow up, and unfortunately acquire career positions of authority. Do you follow?
Date: 2/15/2008 1:24:00 PM
To the employee who left his/her job 3 months ago in Jan. Congrats and take heart. You took the first important step. Did you notice that the few who rant and rave about the "whiners" on this site were a little absent in their assistance when you did exactly as preached? Rest assured that these are probably individuals who have never been bullied because rather than stand up against a bully and intervene on behalf of a target, they'll do nothing and inwardly blame the target for the target's suffering, hence, inadvertently excusing the bully's behavior. Typical scenario in today's workplaces. The bullies know of these profiles and use it to their advantage. These are the dynamics that make it possible their existence. All I can say to you is that your situation rings a familiar tone to mine and, unfortunately in the real world, there is not much you or I can do legally except to try and sue for slander and defamation of character. And this could be a monumental task if one does not have the resources and the hard evidence to prove such a case. This is why we need people like you with stories to tell that can help rally for the Healthy Workplace Bill. This is a worthwhile and realistic goal that can only be achieved if we work together for the benefit of others. Are we not all deserving of the right to work in dignity. Yes?
Date: 2/15/2008 1:58:00 PM
To the nurse who does not want to be boss.
I don't see how a position can be imposed on another except it be called...coercion. Yes?
Date: 2/15/2008 1:59:00 PM
Thank you Jerome!
Date: 2/20/2008 12:00:00 PM
I have been in my job 13 years. When I first started, I was bullied by several individuals in a small district office. My boss wanted me to date a coworker who daily made comments. It turned nasty when I was accused of being pro-choice and was shuffled around, refused training, refused equipment and supplies, and denied the opportunity to advance. Get this- I am in a union-and the management knows exactly how to "play" the system.
Date: 2/20/2008 10:23:00 PM
I have been bullied for the past year by two female co-workers. I am so sick and tired of the same thing everyday. I don't trust either one of them. One doesn't speak at all and the other co-worker speaks this week and the next week she doesn't speak at all. Our office is all a group of women. I will not let them run me out of my job. It has caused blood pressure problems and stress headaches. Please help me.
Date: 2/21/2008 11:01:00 AM
To anonymous being "bullied for the past year by two female co-workers",
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Although targets of workplace bullying suffer the same post-traumatic disorders as POW's, it is the POW who is prisoner in the truest sense and should be acknowledged accordingly for what is endured in the name of freedom. Initially, as a target, it is ok and perhaps commendable to sway tactfully and judiciously these bullies, in the hopes to one day reign victorious in the good cause of truth and justice. Unfortunately, the reality is as such, that the right to work with one's dignity intact is dearly lacking in many a workplace. There is no glory in staying with an employer after all reasonable avenues have been exhausted and, yet, the assaults continue. When the people in authority turn a deaf ear to one of their own, a crossroads has been reached and a decision must be made. Shall a spouse return to an abuser? A dog to his own vomit? Fight the good fight, and rally for the Healthy Workplace Bill, so that all bullies will be held accountable.
Date: 2/21/2008 12:47:00 PM
To anonymous of "13 years",
Yep, it's called, unspoken corporate policy.
Date: 2/27/2008 5:02:00 AM
I just wanted to say that my boss used to talk to me quite nicely, then all of a sudden, he stopped and now, shouts at me all the time, is incredibly rude and swears, this is always infront of other staff and colleagues. I used to respect this man, even going out of my way to buy him Christmas presents, there is no thanks, he couldn't care less, and if i didn't know any better, i would say that he hated me?! I work all the hours, as there is always too much to do in the hours that i have to do it, he knows this and constantly shouts over me, and putting me down. I JUST WANT TO LEAVE NOW, AS I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF HIM! There is no other way, as he does not listen, if i were a man, he would be falling over himself to thank me!!!
Thanks for listening, pleased to have got this off my chest.
Date: 3/3/2008 10:07:00 AM
Many get caught up in the drama and politics, oftentimes seeking to fulfill the need to prove they're right, when it is simply a matter of maintaining a healthy work environment so that we may focus on the task at hand. If personal agendas become the priority, then it is time to cut ties and move on with life. Anything less is toxic and a dead end. If anyone is interested in making positive and real changes pertaining to workplace bullying, which simply put is an overt abuse of power and authority, then please channel your energies in a platform that promises to hold individuals and/or businesses accountable. Rally for the Healthy Workplace Bill. workplacebullyinglaw.org
Date: 3/6/2008 10:35:00 AM
To anonymous on 3/3/08: thanks for the referral to workplacebullyinglaw.org. Since I fear reprisal, I dare not 'go on record' but I will submit my story where I don't need to disclose names. Its too bad that I must be so secretive but I'm dealing with some higher-ups in the community with more 'clout' than I have. I'll still do what I can, per the Citizen Lobbyist guidelines.
I'm also a freelance writer myself so am working on articles regarding bullying.
I implore others visiting this forum to visit the Healthy Workplace Bill site - lets quit being individual targets only and do something about this widespread evil and ignorance in our workplaces. Not only is your bread and butter at stake but so is that of your children.
Date: 3/6/2008 9:31:00 PM
I have worked in a bullying situation for, well, I think I'm going on nine years now. I love my job, loved all the people I've worked with, except, well, the director, who either drives them away or fires them. I don't know how much longer I can last. I can't afford to quit and I can't imagine finding a job elsewhere at my level and pay. But I keep seeing people bullied, abused, tortured, their careers and lives ruined by an obsessive-compulsive, bipolar director. Everyone keeps hoping she will retire, but she's not quite 60 yet, and since her work is her life, I can imagine her working into her 80s or 90s. And I feel I'm just about as bad as this bully, because somehow I've survived, still there, watching it all, but not being able to do anything about what she does to others. Any suggestions?
Date: 3/7/2008 9:18:00 AM
I work in a once beautiful prep school in south London. The holistic and caring head master left, to be replaced by a dictatorial tyrant. He had been branded the Demon Headmaster in his previous school and he has continued to destroy people through a bullying approach. 22 people will be leaving the school this July. We have all been bullied into submission and walk on egg shells around him. As one of the teachers who tried to approach him about the managerial tactics he was employing and the desperately low morale of the staff, he pulled me into a side room and made it very clear that I was to tow the line. Do or die basically. I felt intimidated and threatened by his aggressive nature. Im 3 months pregnant and desperately trying to look after myself and my health, but when he follows with aggressive letters and whole school humiliation of me, I find myself with no strength left. There is no one to go to as he is at the top level. How did he ever get into a position that he can use to abuse people so easily and frequently?
Date: 4/13/2008 1:46:00 PM
Has anyone ever been bullied by a subordinate? I am a new manager, with three employees to supervise. Two are just great, but the third is a nightmare. She may be bipolor or have borderline personality, which helps me understand -- a little. The two-faced, public vs. private personalities are astounding. She is nasty, rude, sneaky, and makes personal and sarcastic comments about me: "I know you don't like to help me," "I know this is not your skill," "I know you are SO busy and don't have time for my problems," etc. This girl is half my age and quite insecure. I would like to help her grow -- until she attacks me (if the attack is in private, it's quite nasty; if in public, it's sugar-coated ("I see you don't know how to do that. I thought everyone knew that. Let me help you!" with a sweet smile to all within earshot)). I rarely see it coming. She told me early on that she had applied for my job, although she doesn't meet the requirements. So I think some of it comes from that: wanting my job and working to discredit me so that I'll quit. (I am tempted to quit!) HR is no help because they don't believe me; they don't see it. This girl (who also works as an actress, interestingly) is quite charming and reserves this behavior for me alone. Any advice?
Date: 4/13/2008 1:49:00 PM
p.s. One more comment from me, the new manager who supervises a bully: My own supervisor also doesn't see it, because she is charming and flirtatious to him. He is the head of the company, so with no support from HR or from him I don't know where else to go. He simply told me, "There are some challenging people in life and you just need to deal with it. You two need to learn to work together." Then he turned away from me. Suggestions welcome!
Date: 4/22/2008 11:03:00 AM
To 4-13....Since you know what she is up to, you can no longer use the excuse that you 'rarely see it coming'. Look, when she makes those comments to you, such as 'I know this is not your skill' or "I know you are so busy...' smile ever so sweetly back, get in her face and ask her, very, very gently, to elaborate and stare her right in the eye until she comes up with something. Then have her elaborate on that. Or emphasize over and over again to her, as if explaining to a 5-year old, that this is one of the reasons that YOU got the job is to help others. Make it obvious to her that you know what she is up to and why and don't let up for one minute. Take absolute charge with her, don't waste your time being open-minded or sincere with this pest. Smile every so saintly, make it obvious that you are prepared to match her word for word, catty remark for catty remark, etc. My exboss would have made mincemeat out of this kitty; you need to step up to bat and do likewise. She's a troublemaker, plain and simple. You don't have to get up in arms about it, be calm. Just deflect her behavior right back at her. Let everybody in the room understand that as supervisor, you will call troublemakers on their behavior. Boy, I wish I could have just one week with this type of employee - whee, what fun!
Date: 4/25/2008 10:22:00 PM
I work in a remote school that is only accesible by boats. This is my second year of service in this school. As a freshie, i always remain kind and helpful toward my senior collegue. But starting early of this year, i felt that they are begining to ridicule me with jokes. At first, i thought those jokes are just temporary and meant nothing but recently i felt really bothered as some of them are mean and hurtful. I tried to laugh back and do nothing but it didn't stop them from doing so. As a result of all these i'm beginning to feel depressed, feeling low and down. Plese help me and suggest the way i can fight back. Thank u. p/s feeling hopeless
Date: 4/27/2008 4:33:00 PM
I left a place where I was bullied. I am so depressed. I am fighting unemployment. I cant think clear and my heart weighs two tons. I feel sick most of the time and I cant believe what happened to me. My supervisor was so mean to me and yelled at me all the time. I know they wanted me to leave I was too well liked by the parents. But now I feel horrible , it doesnt matter how smart you are when you are a target it is unbearable. We need to start a support group for Targets at work. This can not continue . We were not meant to suffer like this while doing a good job.
Date: 5/8/2008 8:29:00 AM
I have been systematically bullied over a period of about a year by a new insecure manager. I was always firm and assertive with him. He gave me a poor performance rating after years of good ratings with the company. When I really confronted him and made him aware that I would not accept intimidation or threats, I was promptly given a first warning and put on a performance improvement program. I was harassed by the HR manager in the meetings, but I always had witnesses from my union at those meetings. I suffered from anxiety and my doctor gave me sick leave. The union assigned me a lawyer. I have recently put in a work cover claim with a certificate from my psychiatrist. The HR manager left the company a week after this. The claim is being investigated. Despite the anxiety and panic attacks, I do not regret standing up for myself and standing in my power. At the end of the day, if my claim is rejected and I may have to resign, I will be happy with myself for facing my fears. Mind you, I have a good group of supportive friends and councillor, this has been a life saver.
Date: 6/29/2008 5:46:00 AM
From believer, Part 1:
Reading through the comments here. People that bully are sick and lacking; instead of reaching out and feeling pride in themselves (and they might feel that tug, but resist it) they reach out to hurt and abuse. This is because someone did it to them, possibly when they were very young, and they have never had a chance to vent or work through these feelings. I think this also why so many of them resort to such crude expressions of their reactions; it happened at an age in which they hadn't fully developed their ability to communicate and handle situations in a thinking way. I guess, with mobbing, the old saw "it only takes one rotten apple to spoil the barrel", holds true. We all have problems and work isn't always easy. To blame others is easy; it is the way of all flesh. To build a whole system to protect oneself from the truth, which is what mobbing is, shows an ego that is aching, raw, and profoundly confused; where the only relief is to 'take a dump' on someone else. I personally can't imagine myself being the kind of a person that would take pleasure in hurting someone else in any form or fashion. This is because I am deeply feel and I committed to the belief that all life has value and intrinsically it can be noble and good, if one is willing to make it so. I believe it was the sage Lao Tzu said "He who conquers others is strong, but he who conquers himself is mighty".
Date: 6/29/2008 5:47:00 AM
From believer, Part 2
And few are they that do this. Most managers are like in other professions, the rare few that are top of the class, most are in the middle and very mediocre and an unfortunately sizable cluster are the bottom of the class, humanity's garbage. Not many of them have the courage and the moral fortitude to stand up for what's right; those are a mere snipple of the people, the top of the class. The ones that aren't so good are very fearful, especially in this day and age in which everyone is pushing for high performance and the deck is slanted in favor of highly organized hierarchies. I believe this is the ultimate result of a true lack of leadership in the Western world, especially the United Stated. It is ruining the world that we live in. And the fools that have the power to change this situation are not doing their jobs. Let me get to the point. I want to recommend something to those that are willing to seek another path, than outside blame or defeatism.
Date: 6/29/2008 5:48:00 AM
From believer, Part 3:
I have for several years been doing a practice that has helped me on a daily basis to embrace my reality in a way that puts me completely in control. I am a person that believes that life needs to be 'treated'; that is, raw, unaltered living without any practice or system of belief is not the way to live, at all. What is simply just natural is not good. Belief, even just a meaningful credo of values, it part of the core of living itself. I want to recommend something that I have been doing that has strengthened me immensely and so will strengthen you as well. It is something that goes beyond word, or therapy or taking another pill. I am a practitioner of listening to Centerpointe tapes and I have to say that it has strengthened my nervous system in ways that I can barely express. You must try this technique, which has evolved from Buddhism, of which I have been a practitioner for some 40 years. With this additional practice I have realized that ALL (not some, all) of the pain I have had all of my life was completely unnecessary.
Date: 6/29/2008 5:49:00 AM
From believer, Part 4:
You can get started by going to www.centerpointe.com; get the free tapes, check it out. Let me end with this comment, one of the Buddha's parables. A young person goes forth into his journey in the world; the parent gives the young person a strong coat so that he can be protected. The young person goes out into the world and travels widely, suffers a lot, sees a great deal of good and bad and eventually loses touch with the parent while undergoing the journey. Many, many years pass and the youth is no longer young but yearns to return home, from whence the journey started. 50 years have passed. He finally does return home and the parent is dying. The once young person is still wearing the strong coat. The person says to the parent, "It has been long and many years since I have been home, why have you not contacted me or helped me?" The parent reaches into the coat, opens one of the pockets that the child had not looked into and pulls out a very large and beautiful diamond. The parent says, "This is the jewel that I have entrusted you with so that you would never experience want nor fear, that no matter where you journeyed you would always remember me and that I love you". This is your life, treasure it.
Date: 7/15/2008 7:10:00 PM
I have been working with a very manipulative bully now for a little over a year. For the first 8 months she sat with her back to me. Then for a few weeks I thought if might get better. I guess I was wrong. She just continues to ignore me and exclude me from things going on in the department. Giving me dirty looks, (That is when she looks at me). acting put out to help me with anything. But, when anyone else is around she is sweet, friendly, outgoing. You get the picture. My supervisor knows it and the office manager has been told about it and she doesn't see it or doesn't want to see it. So, I think they are as much to blame as anyone for not doing anything about it. I think my life is worth more than this daily torture. I dread going into work and now recently the valve stems on my car have been cut on two occasions. I'm paranoid this Jekyll and hyde is doing things to my car. I'm looking for another job and pray that something great comes along so I can get away from this oppressive unhealthy job. Life is too short.
Date: 7/16/2008 4:04:00 PM
Cutting valve stems on a disliked employee's car is a criminal, illegal act. When did you notice they were cut? Where might it have occurred? I've never let my guard down since I left my bullies. Don't give out your cell phone number or email address (I gave a fake one when asked.) Establish a security system, videos, get your phone line hooked up so any wierd calls can go straight to the police department, let lawyers and anybody in the law enforcement field know your fears and document any funny business done to you and your family. Even if you don't think the police or others in authority can help you, line up allies who may have a chip on their shoulder, just as your bully does, and aren't afraid to show it. When all else fails, hide your cards as they have done. Why don't you hire a private investigator, for starters?
Date: 7/16/2008 4:54:00 PM
A sociopathic bully (and that is the type who would try to cut valve stems) wants you to know that they are the ones who are out to hurt you. Not enough so they can be caught and stopped, just a hint or sign here and there that they're the ones pulling the strings. You see, that's part of their gratification. The challenge (for them) is to see how much they can push you, how much they can hurt you or yours without you being able to do much about it. Your helpless, indignant anger and grief is their payoff. So you have to be twice as sneaky as they are, play it innocent and innoculous long enough so that they reveal themselves. Don't panic or get upset when they do because then you give them power over you, also you continue to be an easy, predictable target when you behave like that. Keep them guessing as to when you will strike back. If you do strike back, show the same kind of unbalance they are showing you, only then will they stop. Bullies are cowards, never forget that. They are only out for their own personal agendas, and they are only punishing you because of their own twisted beliefs. You've done nothing to deserve it; and as long as you hold to that, you already have a big bold advantage over them. If they can't make you feel ashamed or scared or make you cry, then they have no control over you. That's what devastates a bully. They ARE dangerous, if they're sociopaths however. So keep a sharp eye out and keep them guessing. If they can't be sure of what you will do back to them, they don't have the control and power over you that they crave.
Date: 7/17/2008 6:47:00 PM
Thanks for all the supportive comments. Bullies are pathetic to say the least. I did report the valve stem slashing to the police. I do have my guard up. I bought a locking gas cap and now carry pepper spray. In a little town of 15,000! It's insane!
Date: 7/21/2008 7:18:00 PM
I am being bullied also! My boss said he dosen't care it's each man for them selves. I have been hit shoved and verbally abused, this individual has a past history of violence, she hit her own father! My employer even admits she is nuts, yet she is still employed.
Date: 8/30/2008 12:58:00 PM
I just went to work at a local hospital here in my area. I work in the admitting patient access where I admit people to the hospital. I am 45 years old, and all of the other co-workers are a lot younger than I. I have been in customer service for about 6 years and know how to treat customers with respect and take care of them. The younger generation that I am working with are constantly running ahead of me and trying to show me up in situations that I have come across since I have been working there. They are very good at making me look stupid and feel like I have egg all over my face. My training there has really been bad, because the younger are the ones that have trained me and I have not been told a lot as to the HOW TO DO things in my job duties. The supervisor is in their click too. How do you deal with working with the younger generation. The work place is just not the same as I have had better in the past years work places. I would really like to turn the table and make them look like the stupid ones. HELP ME if you can.
Date: 12/27/2008 9:18:00 PM
It's almost validating to see people with the same problem. My bully is my manager. I've been denied raises, humilated, made to feel less than human. A visit to HR only made the tactics on his behalf become more secretive and underhanded instead of right out in the open. It's a lose/lose situation, I know. I'd search for another position but my self-esteem is nil, I don't think I'd even be a contender.
Date: 1/18/2009 2:31:00 PM
It is sad for me to read these experiences. On several occasions within my career I have experienced bullies. Being a female in a male dominated career, I have felt it from both genders. Jealousy seems to be the common denominator. It almosts seems the more successful you are, the more effective you are at what you do, the more you become the prey for bullys. I recently had to quit a contract at a major aerospace corporation (a very high pay contract) because my health and well being were being jeopardized. I now believe I may be blacklisted because I refused to allow the bully's to go stock free. I tried to alert management to hopefully stop it, but my manager denied it ever happened during our exit interview. He simply told me he asked and everyone denied my charges, even though I have saved text messages detailing it. It is funny how this large corporation touts about ethics and seems to incourage you to speak up against harrassment, yet when you do, you become a bigger target to your bully friends. It does seem no matter what you do, you are the victim...because you quickly become the minority and out of fear, your friends and coworkers recoil to subversion. The advice is to just try to leave alive, but this seems wrong to me. When you leave because you were abused and you did nothing about it, you end up damaged even more...damaged because you did not stand up to it, you didn't fight back. Well, I refuse to back down when I know I'm right whether I lose a job, or whether I am blacklisted or not. If you are right and know you are right, you will come back stronger than ever which means you win, they lose in the end.
Date: 8/5/2012 3:50:00 PM
'Kill them with kindness'?
Date: 8/5/2012 3:51:00 PM
If you think you can do a better job of managing people than they can, then lead the way, be the change you want to see in the world.
Date: 8/5/2012 4:08:00 PM
Why be right when you can by happy?
Date: 8/5/2012 4:11:00 PM
I identify with all the experiences related above. After much thought, I think the only answer is to improve our working relationships and seek a win:win outcome. I recently read that Jesus didn't react to people, he related to them. We need to love our enemies. If you think the bully shows no compassion and understanding, then show them compassion and understanding. Lead the way.
Date: 8/5/2012 4:12:00 PM
Sorry, I mean, 'we need to lead the way'.
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