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Suggestions needed on remedy the relationship with my upset boss
Posted by: coacheelinda
Date: 10/28/2005 2:29:30 AM
I have a very moody boss. When she is in the "controlling" mood, she is very challenging to work with. Don't get me wrong. I like her when she is in good mood. Working with her, I have learned a lot about how to work with challenging boss. There was a recent incident where my manager was really mad at me and accused me for not respecting top management team (ie her). I had to go on to a business trip the next day and did not have time to see her face to face to calm her down. What could I do now ( a few weeks later)? She starts to exclude me and my team to attend her org meetings. She also makes decision for areas that I am responsible for and has in-depth knowledge of without checking in with me (her decision ends up to be an incorrect one.) From these behaviors, I'd think that she is still mad at me. What can I do? *** How did I get her to be mad? *** Well, I invited her to come to my team meeting for giving a supportive talk. She hesitated. I then ran into our CEO in the hallway and asks if he is free to have a 10 minute appearance in my team meetings and give encourage to the team. He told me that he'd be happy to. Well, my mgr found out about this from her assistant (I was too busy to inform my mgr first.) a day before the event. She then said that I did not prepare the meeting well...and should not invite top mgmt like that. She told me that I was disrespectful. She wanted me to cancel my mtg till next year and have enough time to prepare top mgmt for such a talk. Urrgh...all I want is for the team to feel appreciated with the minimum effort. Now, it is a disaster for my replationship with her. My mgr rarely passed down any vision or strategy to me or my team. She did not even want me to be involved in strategy planning or goal setting mtg. I have a team of 300 people.I feel that I am not effective to lead a team if we work in the vaccum. Now, I shield the challenge from my team well. I have a very productive team. Yet, my mgr probably does not appreciate my work. Or, why is she not including me in mtg? Why is she not wanting to meet my team? *** Suggestions? Your help is much appreciated.
| Reply from: |
annie10 |
| Date: |
10/28/2005 9:11:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Sounds like your boss either holds grudges or is jealous of your accomplishments. I too have a volitile work relationship with a boss and coworker. They too can be charming, then stab you in the back. When you work with people who are not team players, there is usually a personality disorder of some sort involved. I applied the principles for dealing with a narcisstic personality disorder on my boss with some success. There are some good websites for dealing with this disorder. One thing is to never contradict a person who thinks they are always right. They will hold it against you. I learned the hard way. Whatever the issue was that made your boss upset may eventually blow over. Good luck. I have had bad bosses for 10 years and I am learning incredible people skills from having to survive all the abuse. |
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| Reply from: |
coacheelinda |
| Date: |
10/30/2005 10:55:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Hi Annie10:
Thank you very much. What websites do you recommend? Or, did u just search for personality disorder in general?
A friend of mine who is a pschologist told me that such personality like my boss has proven to drive employee towards severe depression or insane. He highly recommeds me to find a new boss even if I have to take a demotion for health purpose.
I am more like you. I think that I can learn to deal with such a character. Your website idea is a good one. So, do you have a new boss now? Best luck to you. |
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| Reply from: |
annie10 |
| Date: |
11/1/2005 6:57:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Hi coacheelinda. Search for narcissistic personality disorder on the internet and you will find many good articles to read. I am not in a position to change bosses. I am so specialized, that it would mean a pay cut and career change. I have worked in my field for 23 years and have been through 3 bosses. The first one was real nice, but he retired. The second was worse than the one I have now, but he quit. (He didn't get tenure) With only 7 more years until I retire, I am determined to not quit. Fortunately, one of my coworkers is supportive and fun to work with. The other 3 are as unpleasant as they can be. One aspect of working for someone like my boss is the dysfunctions that never cease. Mismanagement and chaos reign. I try to keep focused on today's work and look for support outside of work. It's survivable, but I would leave if I had a better opportunity or won the lottery! |
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| Reply from: |
coacheelinda |
| Date: |
11/14/2005 3:45:00 AM |
| Reply: |
Hi Annie10:
Thanks for your encouragement. I am in a very similar situation like you. My work has been cornered by my manager to such a specialized role which is to train and coach others. I succeeded in that and other managers keep stealing my good people. As a result, people @ work thought that I was just a good people trainer ...nothing more. Even though I am a manager of 200 people, I am not given the real authority to make any real decision for the company. My manager makes them all or my manager will ask other mgrs to make such decision on behalf of me. Can u believe that?
Well, I tried to stay positive and not focused on the negative, hopefully my day will turn around. I am depressed as my talents are not fully utilized. If I transfer, I'd take a less role and a pay cut. I feel that I have worked so hard for so long I am not willing to take such a set back. Peers at work ask why I just don't quit. Yes..if there is a better opportunity, I'd leave in a heart beat. |
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| Reply from: |
onerousone |
| Date: |
2/17/2011 10:15:00 PM |
| Reply: |
You went over her head by going to the CEo when she didnt want to address your group. Puts her in a very awkward position. Would have been smarter to say.. well, if you're not able to, would you feel comfortable with me asking CEO? What you did was both tacky and threatening. She may have her issues but pulling rank on her when YOU work for her and not the other way around, is IMO bad form. |
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