How to work effectively with a difficult boss


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    Key Books

    How to Work for an Idiot: Survive & Thrive-- Without Killing Your Boss

    Work Abuse: How to Recognize and Survive It

    What Your Boss Doesn't Tell You Until It's Too Late: How to Correct Behavior That Is Holding You Back

    Do you work for a psychopath?

    "At least 1 per cent of people in power fit the personality type. Even scarier, they're often protected by employers because they're so driven to succeed."

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    Comments: [add a comment]

    User: anonymous
    Date: 9/25/2005 1:30:00 AM

    User: anonymous
    Date: 10/3/2005 12:13:00 AM

    One of the paradoxes of life is this, people who should run, countries, offices, factories ...etc.., [Do Not], and people who do [Should Not]. All the people here, in my view, are nice, compassionate, COOPERATIVE, intelligent, ... etc, all of you can be great leaders, but the problem is you don't like power, you are happy to do your job and be left alone. By nature you feel secure and trusting person. and you believe everybody is like that or expect to be like that. Bullies, are not nice people volunterily, They are nice only when it serves their purpose. They are not secure and can not trust easily. Because they do not like to be controlled and bossed, it is their automatic nature to be either independent [ have their business ] or [ one up ] in working environment [ bossing people ]. They want impossible standard, perfect things, 100% obedience, they are very sensitive to criticism [ they feel devestated ], they are envious of intelligent people and some threatened by them, they think that he is strong, their view of other people often based on the strength of you, it is a distorted thinking and [ Nothing ] can be done. Humanity has been like this for thousands of years. They may look like civil people on the surface, but many of them think that they live among dangerous beasts, no matter how nice you are, for him it is just appearance, because he himself like this. You may ask for solution, it is been 5 years I am working on this, it is not easy to solve dilemmas and paradoxes. solving dilemmas comes with a price, you must accept the world like it is not like what we like, or expect to be. It is very painfull, I know, but the reality is there are schizophrenic minds [ Not Appearance ] everywhere.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 10/10/2005 11:29:00 AM

    Interestingly enough, here in the US many small businessmen and -women run for political office, and cite their business experience as a positive. I have always seen business ownership as a negative in a candidate's background. The single-minded focus and obsession necessary to make a succesful business owner makes for a lousy boss, and lousy elected official.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 11/3/2005 2:25:00 AM

    what a shame we have just one life to live and we cannot do anything big ,like disagree or stand against the bullying boss because we need to survive for our family bread . Being a current victim of a bully amn in my workplace , I find it very frustrating and hard to believe how my life has changed .After work I cannot enjoy anything like eating , talking or sleeping at night late . every morning its same persistant behavior with him and dealing him has made my whole life a joke !

    User: anonymous
    Date: 11/3/2005 10:59:00 PM

    its a terrible thing when a persons boss is rude,pushy,and verbally abusive to his wife (who is his peer) on the job, and the other employees.. his anger will come out of nowhere, causing said wife to walk on eggs, and giving us all PTS. I love the work, but the stress is taking its toll,noone can really understand it, as he is just the king of coverup, and thinks he his king. I will be cutting back on my hours, and looking for other work at age 51. thanks for being here.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 11/6/2005 9:20:00 AM

    I work under a person who is of the opposite sex and gay. He started verbally abusing me after I had been with the conpany for only a few weeks. He talks to the other few females the same way, but, they haven't been able to stand up to his crap. There is a new male in the office, that can do no wrong. He talks to him in a completely different manner, and is quite obvious that he would never treat this employee in the same manner as he does the females. He is extremenly emotional and very defensive if you ask him a question that he is supposed to either know or find out for you. He is now becoming vindictive and attempting to discredit the work that I am trying to do. This guy makes me sick, and I need to keep my job, as I have children to support, and was hired to do a job that I am good at, but definately do not need this extra daily stress and continuous agrivation from someone that is supposed to be helping me succeed with the company. I really think that he hates me, and I haven't even been there very long.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 12/6/2005 1:35:00 PM

    I am absolutely amazed at the stories I have just read. It's nice to know that I am not alone, but at the same time a little unnerving that so many of these douchebags exist. My advice to anyone reading this...document EVERYTHING!!! You have many more rights in the workplace than you are probably aware of, and everything I have just read sounds illegal in some way or another. I know it's difficult to think about quitting when you have mouths to feed at home, but if things really are as bad as they sound, you may want to look into finding a good lawyer, and suing the company and your boss' sorry asses.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 1/13/2006 3:45:00 PM

    I work with my husband and he seems to vent or belittle me at least that is how i perceive it everyday. Some days are so unbearable and i have to tell him to stop talking to me in that manner but it seems everything is my fault or gets twisted to be my fault in some manner. Even at home and the only time he seems to say i'm sorry is when i've had it and i have nothting to do with him or and then he calms down. The negative comments every day either and from general business negativity from him or customers or vendors takes a toll. Emotionally i get drained and feel like i don't even want to get out of bed. I will take a morning off occasionally when i can't take it anymore and get my hair done and my eyebrows done. but i don't know if i can handle anymore on a regular can i not let these things zap my joy....he is a selfish man but am i doing something that is allowing him or giving him permission to talk to me and treat me this way and how can i get some of my job back?

    User: anonymous
    Date: 1/15/2006 8:46:00 AM

    I personally think, there is nothing wrong with you psychologically. And your husband is a Domineering perfectionist. In my view, what triggers his anger is i. Making smallest mistakes. ii.Putting him under "work responsibility" pressures. iii. Any disobedience from you (from his point of view). Perfectionists are hard to please. The most important thing to do is not to take his anger personally, They really do not want you to take it seriously. Whatever you do at work try doing it 100%. Try not chanllenging his authority. Try to control him by educating yourself psychologically. They are mirror selves not true selves, they try to adapt to people, to mirror peoples actions. To control him is to control yourself by doing things his way. This way you shut him forever.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 1/16/2006 9:38:00 PM

    Wow, hard to believe all of this is so prevalent. I teach HS and have a very abusive, bullying, untrustworty 'boss.' He belittles me at every attempt to converse rather than do any actual work. All talk, no action; all knee jerk reaction, no planning; sneeky and cheating; etc., etc., etc. Sure makes it hard to enjoy going to work. Can't wait until the next meeting, which is sadly tomorrow am. What does one do? Lose sleep, grow thicker skin, get complacent and lazy rather than pursue, quit and go elsewhere, file suit???

    User: Samantha
    Date: 1/22/2006 4:29:00 PM

    I have a boss who a religious zealot and thinks it's "okay" to tell me all about his religion and why the whole world should convert...I won't mention the religion, but there is a book "Counterfeits at your Door" which delves into several of these types of boss's belongs to one and is in a leadership role. Then, when you ask him a question, he answers in parable form, like Jesus did. Maybe my unbearably stupid boss thinks he's Jesus? Does that make him a psycho? At any rate, I was recently rated by various high level managers I serve and the ratings were GREAT. My pathetic, low self esteem boss had the audacity to say "well, I guess we'll need to dig a little deeper" as opposed to praising me for obtaining such high marks....He's probably compensating for his MANY inadequacies, and I'll leave it at that. He's worthless and so it the company. They hate women, especially ones who are competent and educated. Most of the people in positions of power are undereducated men who can't even spell. He's a liar and bully and takes credit for his assistant's work (whom he fired after 17 years of loyal service to the company). What a shining star of a human being?

    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/1/2006 2:20:00 AM

    PSYCHOPATHic personality is pretty much a prerequisite for being a boss or politician. Do a web search for the MASK OF SANITY, you will all learn a lot. The word PSYCHOPATH is not someone who is "crazy" or insane. Rather things like using words against others in a precalculated way is a trait such as "PRAY" and "PREY", "secure" "and secure" (as in secure that soda from any one getting it, as opposed to I am going to secure me a soda. Always listen carefully, especially to our/your politician. While back our govnr said, "class size", I knew he meant "class like republican" not "classroom". Of course it didnt cross the minds of the voters and guess the results. I was right, he gerrymandered and redrew the lines to keep the republicans in powa. THE MASK OF SANITY read it, its captivatingly interesting.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/4/2006 7:28:00 PM

    Pathetic Pathology These do no one justice, neither the acuser nor the acused. What manner of empathy must employees endure to eliminate the abuse? The key to solve all of your problems is obvious. Can you not see it? When you were young you allowed the bully to abuse you. It is all of our duties to take down the bullies while they are young and not allow them the physical, the power, the financial and yes the intellectual growth to continue to abuse as they grow older. Do what is right, what is necessary to stop them early! The simple solution is at hand, use it!

    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/9/2006 9:40:00 AM

    I liked the above post (all the posts were good), and your suggestion is very practical in the long run. It is important that Normal people learn to recognize sociopaths and bullies and isolate them.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/10/2006 11:20:00 AM

    People like that are skilled at hiding their true selves. My 2nd daughter is always trying to manipulate the world. Recently I told her that she told me so many lies I was forced to ask people who know her what was really going on (she lives far, far from me, in Fla.). Now she is mad at me... but hey, the truth hurts. Now my boss... how do you deal with her bullying??

    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/25/2006 7:06:00 PM

    The CEO of my company is one of the most charming, charismatic people you will meet. At first, you think, "Now, there's a great leader." Then you can't figure out why everyone is pointing fingers at each other; the executive staff is in-fighting constantly, and people are fired, even after only short periods of time with the company. Even those you have been recruited away from other companies and had very promising careers at their previous company. Some, moving their families thousands of miles across the country to work for this magnificent leader. He can stand in front of a group and WOW them. He's got a sales personality and can give you the most genuine, caring, concerned speech, then turn on you in a minute. He needs constant change, and keeps the organization constantly whip-lashing from the constant change in direction. He is manipulative and narcissistic and will change something 10 times before he goes back to the first decision. But, the company is growing by leaps and bounds, so, I'm sure he'll stay around and create havoc for all. At first it was hard not to internalize all that felt wrong, then after reading about these types of bosses you realize that there is absolutely nothing you can do, but ride the waves and try to stay off the radar screen.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/31/2006 7:02:00 AM

    Well yep that's the truth, stay out of their radar if you can, but if you can't then just run away. There's no winning in a situation with a psychopath. They just don't have the human feelings or empathy that most of us have. My female boss wondered why I didn't give her more notice to go to my father's funeral, after he died suddenly of a heart attack! She begrudged me having two days off. I told her she was being unreasonable and she hung up on me. When I left she sent an email to all that work there, knowing full well I wouldn't get it...addressed to me, saying something along the lines of this terrible time I hope you can face the future with the knowledge that we are all behind you...blah blah. Lying, manipulative, horrible cow just wanted everyone else to think she cared. The fool didn't realize that I'd already told everyone how she'd been to me. Psychopaths eventually out themselves because it's just too difficult for them to 'mask their sanity' particularly when the emotions they are trying to mimick are so foreign to them. Not only is she my boss but she's one of the owners so I have to leave. But having put up with her for this many years my advice to anyone working with a psychopath is get out before they do you real psychological damage. They're lethal, they're ruthless and unfortunately they're usually at the top of the corporate ladder.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 4/5/2006 3:30:00 AM

    How do these people get to the top? I just had my 3rd run in since Dec. 24th and feel beaten. I am challenged that it is not the work I provide but rather the personality that has the greater importance. I don't really know how to change that-or that I would want to not really knowing what "that" should/could look like. She is a bully and would be surprised that I think that of her. She asks rhetorical questions and then undervalues/undercuts any replies. I really, really just want to go in a do a good job and try to be a impact to the company. I realize now that will not happen regardless of what I do. My next step is looking elsewhere for employment.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 4/7/2006 3:13:00 PM

    Wow, i felt so alone until now. My boss always belittles me in front of customers, acts super nice to all the other assistants except me because she knows she has to be nice to them because she'll need their help later in the day. Her own friend warned me that she is a hard person to work for. I tried to tell the owner & the general manager of the company and nothing has really happened. I think they think I'm being overly sensitive. Everyday I tell myself that I just have to accept this deal with it, but she was this way with her other assistants that have since quit. The only assistant she was never mean to was her MALE assistant. He has moved up to her level and she constantly flirts and manipulates him. And he's a sucker for it. Since taking this position, I have called in "sick" too many times because I know I am going to be miserable at work. I wanted to quit but now I can't as my boyfriends job has cut his hours and I feel like a loser if I let her get the best of me.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 4/13/2006 11:22:00 AM

    To Anonymous who wrote on 07 Apr, I feel exactly the same way. I thought I was alone (such a scary feeling!), that I was being overly sensitive to her comments and that I must be so weak for letting her get to me. Everyone told me when I started the job that she was hard to work for, including her former assistants (who have all left). I compensated by overworking to the point of exhausion, telling myself that if I could just get it right she would stop. I've come to realize that I will never please her, because she can't be pleased. She is a bully plain and simple, although she would never see herself that way and would be shocked that I think of her like that and that I actually fear her. I have been suffering the last few months from headaches, digestive problems and nausea most mornings because of the stress, and getting out of bed each day is so hard to do because I don't know what kind of mood she will be in that day. But the higher-ups love her because she always gets the job done (on the backs of her employees and herself, unfortunately), so she isn't going anywhere. Getting out of this job is my next step, which is already underway. Everyone, please remember to do everything necessary to preserve your own health and sanity above all, as that is what will make you strong enough to take the next step, whatever you decide that step will be. Have the courage of your convictions (because you are completely justified in feeling what you feel), and do what is best for yourself.

    User: dawg_stylez71
    Date: 4/20/2006 10:07:00 AM

    This post is in response to the previous post, which read, in part: My advice to anyone reading this...document EVERYTHING!!! You have many more rights in the workplace than you are probably aware of, and everything I have just read sounds illegal in some way or another. I know it's difficult to think about quitting when you have mouths to feed at home, but if things really are as bad as they sound, you may want to look into finding a good lawyer, and suing the company and your boss' sorry asses. Part of this advice, to document thoroughly all `problematic` behavior, is good advice. However, anyone who is not a **specialist workplace harassment/discrimination lawyer** should beware of assuming anything about the legalities of a situation based on their personal intuitions about what `feels` right or wrong. A very practical concern anyone contemplating such action needs to consider that lawyers cost money, and if you have recently quit your job, money is something you do not have, usually. Any non-lawyer should assume that a lawsuit will take far longer, cost far more and be less satisfying in terms of results than they are led to believe. Lawsuits are typically also **public** in that your identity is permanently connected with a lawsuit against a former employer on public record, accessible to anyone who knows how to look. Whether a former employee is right or wrong in their lawsuit against their former employer, employers that do background checks before hiring can easily be deterred from hiring someone they know is litigious.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 4/25/2006 6:54:00 PM

    You take your fist and put it in his mouth.... that what you do, and then tell him to go fuck himself up the ass and then if he try's to sue, you say he sexualy arrased you and this way... you truly get your revenge.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 4/26/2006 6:33:00 PM

    I work with a woman who I am becoming convinced is a female psychopath. In the past year she has somehow managed to get herself promoted to a position where she answers only to the CEO of the company. This despite every project she worked on having major problems with deadlines and accuracy. Instead of taking responsibility, she just blamed the people working under her. She would openly shout at one poor woman who worked under her, calling her stupid and slow. Things got really scary about six months ago when the psycho insisted she could improve on employee performance by taking over some HR functions such as performance reviews. The first round of reviews led to several people who had challenged her being fired and several others being demoted or put on probation. The woman who had been often insulted was the first to go. Two managers just below her who have challenged her decisions have been demoted in the last month. When one went on sick leave soon after his demotion, he was fired. People who suck up to her are pushed for promotion. She has caused numerous problems by telling employers to take a course of action and then, when it is done and found to be wrong, insisting that she did not mean that and that we have to do it the other way. Myself and a few trusted colleagues now listen to what she tells us to do and do exactly the opposite to save our hides.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 4/26/2006 11:34:00 PM

    All very interesting posts. I have used the term psychopath almost daily in describing my boss. She sees herself as the queen, never leaves her throne room--like she's scared to. Won't let anyone make any decisions. Her "top-notch" staff is "top-notch" as a prestige symbol for her. Craves chaos and drama. Loves to hobknob with the plainest folks around town whom she imagines to be important officials who have let her into their inner sanctums for high-level wheeling and dealing. Because she thinks so highly of her own hype she is horribly impressionable when others come to her selling nonsense. She'll turn on people in a heartbeat. She's never fired anyone, as far as I can tell, because I don't think she has the authority but she bullies people into quiting, and even if they quit before she is truly through with them she claims she let them go. In a staff of about 45 we've turned over about 3 dozen in 3 1/2 years. She flies off on the most minor projects one at a time, dropping everything else and dragging everyone behind her. She can't remember major events--the panick button was tripped and the police came and she didn't remember it an hour later. Oh and she drinks all day long--maybe that's a problem. And everyone at work has their positions changed at least a half dozen times a year. She gave someone else mine and didn't tell me. When that person quit she made me in charge again but didn't tell me. Good news is I'm going to outlast her--I'm determined to.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 4/27/2006 9:06:00 AM

    anonymous As if the nursing field isn't difficult enough: At 47 years of age, and working under the realm of a woman for over 3 years, I called it quits!!. Prior to informing them that I found another position, my peer and I were let go. It was obvious that our boss was threatened by us as we are very capable people and speak up. Trust me, neither of us wanted her title. Her insecurities and belittling behavior was finally enough. She was "always right", everything was "her idea". Several employees voice the same feelings. Rarely would I call in sick, but when I did, she made me feel as if I was in grade school, trying to cut class. Thankfully, my children are grown. I understand people have to put bread on the table, and there are many single parents out there that need their job. Fortunately, this is the best thing that ever happened to me! It worked out wonderfully, as I landed a position making more money and work only 5 minutes from home. I will not miss my morning commute, which averaged 60 miles one way. I will not miss the traffic and road rage, as well as the hike in gas prices. I mailed her a thank-you card!! I'm not kidding) Life is meant to be enjoyed! Just do it!!

    User: anonymous
    Date: 5/13/2006 3:58:00 PM

    My boss was a psychopath - I say was because he quit (thanks thanks). He was awful, talking about sex and stuff at work and we found out that he stalked a former employee (and she of course, called the police). I have nothing positive left to say about bosses.. /Sandra in Sweden

    User: anonymous
    Date: 8/24/2006 9:31:00 AM

    Amazing. I, too have a woman boss who is a psychopath. She never has a kind word to say about anyone. Always negative. I've worked for this firm for 10 years. We recently went through a major software conversion and new system for data retrieval. I was working non-stop for 2 weeks to beat the deadline while learning new methods of retrieving data and writing new functions. Someone had to have their data before I was 100% ready and I emailed a query to one of my analysts to run while I worked on guessed it...he put a decimal in the wrong place. I had a report thrown at me and was yelled at like a private in the army over a misplaced decimal someone else did that will be forgotten today. If my wife wasn't disabled and me being the sole wage earner with a mortgage and 4 kids I would have walked out.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 9/2/2006 5:45:00 PM

    My psychopath of a boss disguises herself like a cute little puppy. She is happy and playful one minute, and the next she is barking and peeing on your shoes. Mental illness does run in her family and I believe she is truly ill. That does not make may job any easier as I never know what "puppy" is going to greet me in the morning. Documenting all of her issues (power, does not trust, thinks everyone else is stupid, never admits her mistakes, blames others for her mistakes, knee jerk reactions, vindictive etc.) does help me through the day. Even if no one ever sees it, just knowing that it is there helps me to cope.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 9/7/2006 2:22:00 PM

    I worked for an IT Manager for a food retail company in the Wales and it wasn't until I left the company that I realised I'd been working for a psychopath. She had been with the company since leaving University and had obviously been in the right place at the right time. She was incredibly manipulative and the red flag for me was that she would defend her perception within the company at all costs.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 9/8/2006 12:26:00 PM

    i know how you all feel. i dont understand how you all allow this to happen though. these people in power that you speak of are evil to the bone. once i understood this i realized that i would go to any length to ruin these people. i guess i care to much in the overall wellbeing of people because i have cut a bosses break line because of how he made his employees feel, he didnt get hurt and noone knew i did it(they wouldnt understand my vigilance) but i have a deep hatred for people like that. sure they bunifet companies but are not companies as a whole to benefit us and if there is pattern of people like that being in power then we as a whole are ruled by evil. my opinions may be out there but i assure my motives are true.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 9/8/2006 12:50:00 PM

    it sounds to me as though you all are hurt emotionally by these people. to think that there are millions of people suffering from bosses like these everyday. it is not just their employees it is their wife and kids, these people undermine the very fabric of society. lets say for instance that mcdonalds is headed by psychopathic hierarchy, this means that everytime we buy a big mac we are allowing the suffering of the employees to continue. i know most people dont think like this and i dont want them to because then they would be as unhappy as me, but i cannot allow abuse like this to happen.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 9/13/2006 12:25:00 AM

    i know how it feels to be bullied by a boss. women employees suffers the most especially if their smarter than their boss. my boss loves to create animosity among his employees and then blame me for everything that happens. well, he's trying to manipulate me, scare me, but, sorry for him, i know all his secrets and lawsuits. i just have to bear with him until i get what i want.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 9/14/2006 4:28:00 PM

    Bully's often want to control you and the work place. Their actions against a "victim" cover their incompetance. They are dead weight for the organization. Unfortunately, higher up's don't weant to recognize the problems. Yes, You probably will have "reactive Depression" and many other illnesses, but please keep this in will have to sue your office place or quit and find another position. Bully's don't stop...they enjoy hurting others, and only when you get someone to monitor them and put the spotlight on them will they stop or cease. Don't risk you family or health for these sociopaths. It's not worth it. I am currently suing the state and university where I work. Whatever the outcome, it exposes her behavior and I just had to put everything in the hands of God. He judges all in the end. Don't stay around hoping for a will never happen. Good luck to all.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 10/5/2006 5:28:00 PM

    Is it me or are there more jerk off bosses then good ones? I too have a boss who is verbally abusive, sexist and nothing short of a raving lunitic! I have been with this company for over 8 years and have had enough! The only reason I have stayed this long is that where I live the average per hour wage is only 7.00 per hour. I make more then twice that. I have been called f**king stupid, a liar and when our register is short, a thief. On his good days he's a peach, but his "pit" days he is almost intolorable! He has many anger issues and I watched him once slam a underage employee against the wall. Because of his standing in our community, no charges were ever filed. Not even the parents of the kid who tried to file assault charges with a witness did no good. If there was a better or even a close to what I make now job I sure would apply for it, yet he has many relatives etc in most of the area business so if I did apply, he would find out! Help! I am at my wits end!

    User: anonymous
    Date: 10/30/2006 11:57:00 AM

    i worked for a company that nearly destroyed my life .iworked for this company for 8 years .i was verbally abused on a regular basis ,treated unfairly etc.i left the company one year ago .i feel like a zombie i stay in the bed all the time and feel i cant go out in public without having panic attacks.i feel that i will never be the same what can i do . rose

    User: anonymous
    Date: 10/31/2006 9:52:00 AM

    i work for a pshichopath,, and her name is satan

    User: anonymous
    Date: 11/2/2006 3:19:00 PM

    I used to work for an insane woman. She was utterly competent and brilliant, but she could not trust a single person, and all she did was manipulate and freak out. The reason I'm posting though is because I wanted to explain that sometimes when she was really on a roll, her face would actually look different. It was as if the muscles were so strained in a different way that she looked very different than her usual self. I'm wondering if she maybe had some kind of schizophrenia that brought out a different person in her when she was particularly paranoid. Even the room felt different when she was really wacking out.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 11/9/2006 8:52:00 PM

    That is some insane psycho stories about your bosses and I cringe at some of your writings because I can relate to bits and pieces of all those bosses which when combined together make for a very disgusting grotesque earwax picking managerial sewage breathed person to work with.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 11/11/2006 5:56:00 AM

    topunuzun amina koyum okadar

    User: anonymous
    Date: 11/20/2006 12:04:00 AM

    I work with a psychopath female boss that enjoys seeing you done and miserable and have a nervous breakdown caused by what she is doing to you (well this best fits the attributes of a psychopath pathological liar of my female manipulative boss). She is a very sick person and who enjoys a lot spending time telling lies. She is definitely an evil female person who doesn't have a life and wants others that have life to fall in her psychopath mind. I have not seen a sick person like her who resembles Satan.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 11/28/2006 4:31:00 AM

    I work with my boyfriend who is also my boss. He is very manipulative and he's alway critisizing my work. I tried to resign but he wouldn't hear of it. He really needs me around coz he knows he can boss me around as much as he likes. Now my life is a nightmare. I cry all the time, I've lost all self-confidence and self esteem and I think I'm becoming alcoholic. I feel like leaving him and the work, but I haven't had enough courage to do that. I CAN'T TAKE HIS **** ANYMORE. I HATE HIM. Please give me some advice.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 12/6/2006 12:38:00 AM

    I worked for a guy in an Australian diplomatic post who was a womaniser and an absolute bully and the senior staff did very little about it. A little slap on the wrist and no cushy london or washington posting for him for a while. So what. Just seems easier to leave them out of sight harassing locals than bring them home and deal with it more appropriately.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 12/27/2006 9:53:00 PM

    Until recently, I worked for a female workplace bully (corporate psychopath). Some other employees filed suit against her and she thought I was conspiring with them against her. She began playing psychological games with me and would say things under her breath that only I could hear. When we were alone she would look at me like she hated my guts. Around everyone else she laughed and smiled. No one knew. She let me know that she would do anything to make me lose my job. When I hear her voice now I feel like I have post traumatic stress disorder. I feel sick and have to get away. It's unfair that employers protect these people.

    User: emarie
    Date: 12/28/2006 8:05:00 PM

    to anonymous who works with the bas--rd boyfriend: First, quit drinking. He is trying to destroy you. Don't HELP him by destroying yourself. Please!!! Start walking a mile everytime you come home from work p.o.'d and start looking for work on your own time. If you have to say you are shopping and do the resume on a girlfriend's computer so he won't know, DO IT! (Bring home a treat for him!) Get a good job, be sure all of yur banking and credit accounts are separate, get your own credit, then quit the job, no warning, and have your friends be clearing your things out iof his place while you are at work that day. He may kill you. Seriously. Get a restraining order and have a brother stay at your new apt, with you for a while with a big baseballl bat. Have 911 on speed dial. GET AWAY. He's destroying you!

    User: anonymous
    Date: 1/10/2007 9:53:00 PM

    I just read the comment of 11-03-05 and I thought I could of written it. My situation is exactly the same and the stress level is badbadbad...I just turned 52 and am also looking for another job.My boss continues to get worse, and because I have become out spoken about things, I believe My bosses wife is beginning to think I am the enemy. I am presently working on taking a medical leave. I have panic attacks now, and PTSS. Please don't anyone feel alone, I'm so glad this website is here.. thanks.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 2/1/2007 1:41:00 PM

    i'm glad my boss has the mentality of an 8 year old. It's a proven fact - workers work better when they can laugh at the incompencies of those who try to lead them.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 2/13/2007 2:49:00 PM

    I work for someone who could care less if I'm here or not. He could give two shits about anyone. He never talks to me unless when he needs stuff done and everything I've have done and still do doesn't seem enough to him. Yet we have a part time employee, I'm not jealous but she gets invited to lunch, can yak on the phone, etc. God forbid I did that I'd get fired. I like what I do and enjoy some of the privelages but I'm all by myself in my little space and wonder why people are so rude to others and is it really worth all the hard work I put in. I'm a great worker and have been there for 10 yrs. Glad I can email because it's driving me nuts lately. Thanks for listening.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 2/28/2007 9:30:00 AM

    hi im a student i am doing an extended essay in school about "psychopaths at work" i was wondering if any of you could give me some more information on whatever you know on this topic.thank you

    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/15/2007 9:23:00 PM

    Our boss is so bad we're in the middle of an attempted coup d'etats... saldy the HR department and senior staff has not been terribly supportive and those that challange her usually end up defending themselves against various lies and attacks on credibility. Everyone that reports to her is afraid of her, some are afraid of physical violence if the company did let her go. The sad thing is she thinks she's a really great boss. She thinks everyone loves her but she attacks (sometimes on a personal level) everyone that reports to her (direcly or indirectly). I love the people I work with and my job, but it's hard to deal with her.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/16/2007 4:38:00 AM

    hi .. I have read all of your stories and I deeply feel for you ... why? .. because I possess empathy ... that which is a fundamental ingredient of what makes us human is utterly lacking in a psychopath ... no wonder physiologists call them, interspecies ... in other words a different species from humans ... a "human predator" ... some hypothesize that in fact they lack a "soul" ... unfortunately, they can be so charming towards those who count that there is little one can do against them ... you will eventually have to leave the company ... however, there is one tool available ... round up coworkers who are in the same situation as you .. have them all track, record, document all abuses for a little while .. than all of you, at ones submit them to HR .. if nothing happens or if the psychopath is very high up in the company, submit copies to the State Labor Commission .. only a united front will have an impact .. in the mid time try to read Snakes in Suits by Dr. Robert D. Hare .. it would help you a lot .... even if you have families to keep or you can't risk your job for any other reasons, no matter what, you do take all this with you home, and in subtle ways (which accumulate and can be very damaging in the long run) your spouse, children ... your family hurt too because of it ... good luck to you all, knowing that there are many, many other people who understand you and what you are going through ... remember though, we are as good as our actions are and ... there is really, really much more to life than putting up with any of these assholes ... and fortunately, most bosses are compassionate, descent, valuable and real human beings

    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/19/2007 6:37:00 PM

    i discovered that my female boss is a psychopath.she is superficially charming,talks the sad tale of her broken marriage to whoever will give her air time, and i mean to anyone. they do not have to be known to her.she has no management skills so surrounds herself in chaos to cloak her ineffectiveness.always someone elses fault.she divides work colleagues and manipulates genuine misunderstandings. she has managed to con her bosses who see themselves as helping a little girl lost. the really scary thing is that this woman knows, that i know what she is and is actively trying to damage my reputation. worse than that this freak of nature is the head teacher of a school.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 3/27/2007 10:14:00 PM

    Thank you all so much for your comments. Discovering this site is such a help to those of us who are just realizing how whacked-out our own bossreally is. I worked for 7 years and was the recipient of much praise, etc. from the female owner of this company. Yet many other employees distrusted her and called her crazy. Then I was promoted and she suddenly became critical and said hateful things to me. I suffered such stress because i knew i was doing a great job. I went to a therapist to try and figure out a better way to com municate with the boss. The therapist confirmed what other employees were telling me. This woman is so threatened by anyone who reveals too many smarts and too much competence. She is the only one who can be considered a star in her own world (other than the minor celebs ie writers and artists she prides herself on hanging with.) Other employees tell me "don't show your intelligence and you'll keep your job" I feel that is ridiculous and demeaning. I am looking for somewhere I can be truly appreciated for my talents. My therapist tells me this woman sounds like she has true Narcissistic Personality Disorder and that all the niceness I saw before was just an act that these people are good at portraying but that inside they have no true empathy for others. The most recent thing this boss has done was to scream at me "Shut up!" and then flung a pen at me. I told her husband/partner about the incident and she screamed that I was a f***ing liar. But he is scared of her and i may lose my job before I can find another.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 4/18/2007 8:50:00 AM

    Got to keep this short, as am supposed to be working, but am surfing the net reading about psycho bosses instead. Thought to make a contribution though. Guys! Life is too short. Get out of there - now!!! You only live once. Life is NOT a dress rehearsal. I know these are over-used clichés, but they're so true. Get out or you'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure it all out. I know. I've been there. I kept a mobbing diary for two years, and even have bills from the doctor, from when I got 50 mouth ulcers at the same time, saying "mobbing, stomatitis". I was going to sue. In the end I changed my mind because I couldn't re-live the whole saga - would've been too depressing. I have one more week to go in this hell-hole and then am out. Having started freelance work, my new situation is pretty insecure, but it'll sure be worth it and any time where work is thin I'll use to mentally recover. My bloody doc offered me sessions at a psychotherapist to help me cope with the situation here and to protect myself from becoming depressed. My God! I'm normally rather balanced, thank you very much. I refused any kind of so-called treatment and thankfully, my new venture has kept me so busy that things have taken a turnaround in terms of how I feel in general. Thankfully, I don't have any mouths, other than my own, to feed so it is possible to take this risk. Otherwise, guys, maybe the only way is to sue. Wish I'd done that earlier, but now that I've quit, he's off my back. But I can understand that suing isn't exactly the most pleasant thing to do, and there's also no guarantee of success.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 4/18/2007 8:51:00 AM

    CONTINUED FROM ABOVE: That's why I also say you need to document everything - at least to use as a form of release for yourselves, if not for any supporting documentation in a court case. With one week to go at my current job, I'm starting to question my decision - reading just the first page of my mobbing diary confirms it immediately. The strange thing is, that my boss became a bit desperate when I said I was leaving, saying how much he liked me and that he really wanted me to stay and how we could review all my conditions, tasks, salary, bonuses, working from home if I want to etc. Well, armed with new information about psychos helped me to see through this. The next day when I said I'd thought about it, as I'd promised to, yet still reached the same conclusion, he became very cold again, asking when my last date would be and things about my handover etc. He was probably just hurt, but I think I've probably become a bit psycho myself in that I didn't give a damn about how he felt anymore. Well, after 8 years of all this rubbish, what can he expect? Phew! That was supposed to be a quick one. Guys! Just get out and stop thinking about it. It's really not worth it. Good luck and God bless (and I'm not even religious!).

    User: anonymous
    Date: 4/18/2007 8:52:00 AM

    CONTINUED FROM ABOVE: Oh! One last thing. I've realised - at least with my boss - that if you tell them how their behaviour makes you feel, they don't actually freak out. They just go a bit quiet. It's like you've educated them somehow that they've done something wrong. But the quiet period will only last about two days, at most, and then you're back pussyfooting around him every second of the day again, doing more cover-your-ass activities and engaging in never-ending discussions, than actually doing anything productive at all at the job you normally love and are actually very good at. So! Just get out, dudes! May the Force be with you! And while you're at it, it helps to maybe just not take things quit so seriously. I know that's hard, but it really will help.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 4/18/2007 10:53:00 PM

    Women complaining about their "psychopathic" female boss in this need to just shut up. Women put in positions of authority are more likely to be challenged by others and they need to be tough and ruthless to survive. The same behaviors from male bosses would not be seen as psychopathic. The definition of psychopath is someone without humanity and it is too much of a stretch to just attribute that to someone you don't like. The problem is that women just don't like other women, and they need to be supportive of other women. Instead of being jealous of the female boss, because she has learned how to gain power, try to be supportive and use her has as a mentor. Learn to get along and be a team player instead of calling a woman boss a psychopath, just because she doesn't let people walk all over her just because she is a woman!

    User: anonymous
    Date: 4/26/2007 12:04:00 AM

    My boss{manager} degrades me in front of my co-workers constantly. I've been working at my job for years. Other employees think it is disgusting how she speaks to me. No matter what I'm asked, whatever my answer is, she belittles me and I'm serious thinking of getting another job because of it. And the sad part is, I really like my job, I just do not like going there anymore because of her. She truly is a psychopath in disquise, to others outside the job that is.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 5/18/2007 7:09:00 PM

    Well, I am looking for another job. My boss is a) incompetent - after 10 years of experience in the industry the blunders she makes (!), b) disrespectful - I burn with shame before clients, explaining that she should be any minute now (c) narcisstic - not sure how long can I hear about her achievements (apparently there were so many mistakes that other people had to clean up after her), d) suffers from superiority complex and under dillusional impression that she knows it all - literally her mantra must be "everybody is an idiot", (e) liar - simply tells everybody what they want to hear. After having heard how she degraded few of my colleagues in front of my managing director I felt the last ounce of trust. and now simply want to leave.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 6/12/2007 7:39:00 PM

    I work for a courier service and come in contact with many types of individuals. On one account, I met a female psychopath working as a head-branch secretary for a major hospital and got into a verbal conflict with her over a delivery package. She told me she would report me and tried to abuse me by scaring me {attempt at sadism}. Unfortunately, I don't scare easily (since I come from an inner-city) and "confronted" her verbally, making her pause. Long story short, I am now banned from that branch of the hospital, but found out later that she is hated by most of the staff (doctors included)for being manipulative, proned to mendacity, and chaotic. I was also told that she drinks alot and is promiscuous. Beware! Prevalence for psychopathy is higher in positions of power.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 6/15/2007 10:39:00 AM

    well i finally left my seven and a half year position with a small family company i spent the last three years reading everything i could find on personality defects. she was and is very disordered i believe. she would never show up for work on mondays always had major issues with coming to work period she would show up for an hour to delegate all of her work to me or call my voicemail with her orders, she has no empathy for anyone and when she stayed out of work for a month because her mother was in the hospital she was at her home swimming and tanning out by her pool that she conned the owner out of when ever any one called her from the office. when she pulled the plug on her mother she didnt wait for her to die but left the hospital to go home. when she came back to work 2 weeks later she only complained that her mother didnt die fast enough and she had to deal with everything. she was supposed to take over the company at the beginning of june the owners postponed this till august, i believe that they are finally onto her well i did try to talk to them before i left. i also found myself depressed and felt i was the crazy one for a while her lies were endless and her toxic level so high i have found solice in knowing that i finally got out from under a narcasistic dangerous person the worst thing for me is that i am now afraid to seek other employment i dont trust that it wont happen again id like to stay home for now and if anybody has any ideas for me please feel free to respond. to anyone who considers staying in an abusive boss employee relationship stop now because it does not get better only worse with time they love your secrets and love to gain your trust with promises of just about anything they think you need. becarefull out there. you are only narcasitic supply to them and when your gone they will move on to the next person that can supply them with an audience of one they dont care.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 6/16/2007 11:46:00 AM

    I have read many of the comments added here. I am amazed at how people can get away with these deceitful and hurtful actions. I work at an elementary school and my boss is constently on my ass. I cannot do anything right! Others do the same thing, but only I get reprimanded. She has got so many people snowed or scared, so they won't do anything about it. I hate going to work now. It is sad that a person like this works with children. She also treats children of unrecognized parents in the community like crap. If their parent is influential then be sure she kisses their behinds, and if not, she bullies them. Thank you for the vent session.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 6/19/2007 12:55:00 AM

    Try a 60 year old micro manager. My boss never admits she wrong, blames me for everything because the HR department lets these managers get a way with everything. My boss is a manipulator and sociopathic liar..if that makes sense. She argues with me in my office and then turns around and puts me on probation. Sick, Sick, Sick...I am planning on leaving the company because if you quit you can always go back because the company is like a revolving door. Don't work for Bristol Myers Squibb....they are corrupt and treat their employees like crap...We have managers that throw things at their secretaries and demand for them to get their lunch like they are slaves or dogs. Who do they think they are? We are all people trying to make a living. There should be laws against all kinds of harassment..

    User: anonymous
    Date: 8/11/2007 10:41:00 PM

    I call these psychopaths 'vampires'. I've had my share of vampires before today, and for the people above, I know your stories only too well. I figure if you haven't gone to work wondering if a quick slip under a bus was a solution then you've had a charmed life. I've written at length about some solutions for workers and for managers (google on: 'They are psychopaths. I call them vampires.') however the summary is for workers, a) you're not going mad, you're being attacked, b) group with other victims, c) document everything, d) dust off your cv/resume and get out - I believe your life is at stake. For managers - shame on you for employing the vampire in the first place, you need to do everything to get rid of the psychopath. It's costing you money and profits, and this person must go as soon as possible. You wouldn't keep a mad ax murderer in your employ, but you will allow corporate psychopaths to destroy the physical and mental health of your employees, to say nothing of customer and investor relations - whether your laws allow this or not, it doesn't make commercial sense. Do you not think you unhappy employees are actively telling everyone they meet about how your company is a foul place to work? Drive fear out.

    User: true brit
    Date: 8/27/2007 5:07:00 PM

    better to live a second as a lion than a lifetime as a lamb ? not reality for all i know but maybe for someone ?

    User: matildagsd
    Date: 9/19/2007 3:55:00 PM

    First off, women are not necessarily jealous of female bosses. I started out admiring my female boss and hoping to learn from her.It wasn't until later, as I continued to work for her, that I found out how absolutely deceptive and cruel she could be. She lied and schemed and tried to possess everybody she possibly could. Her face, too, seemed to change shape when she was angry or when she was smiling in wicked delight at the discomfiture of another person, almost always female, I might add. Perhaps her job called for her to sharpen her claws a bit, but I will never believe that she didn't learn to enjoy the clout she attained. Yes, she was tough; sometimes she ended up having to run the show when the people higher up quit or left. (Many bullying bosses make their debut in a vacuum). But it's said that absolute power corrupts. Whn cruel SS women beat the crap out of their Jewish prisoners during the Holecaust, would one tell the prisoner that they ought to admire their 'tough' jailor? Only if you crave power over another yourself. I have worked with and for other women before and since and have never experienced this problem elsewhere. She might have conquered in the beginning, earning a type of admiration but in the end, she herself was conquered. AS for jealousy, she constantly derided other women who were happier than she was, so go figure who the jealous one really was. Oh well, she got the job done, right? And it doesn't really matter if the company makes or loses money with such an employer, you'd be surprised how many people will look the other way. I see it all as an extension of primal behavior, comparable to the days of ancient human sacrifice; we might be upset watching the slaughter but as long as it's someone else's blood that's appeasing the gods...and sacrifices must be continued, otherwise the rains won't come and the corn won't grow.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 10/28/2007 7:08:00 PM

    I work at a large company in Maple Grove, MN, under a manager, supervisor, and team lead. The team lead is conning, manipulative, phony, lying, competetive and has a hidden agenda, to create division and drama among employees-for whatever reason I'm not sure. I suspect she is a phsycopath-as I have done my research on this personality disorder. The supervisor has issues as well. He is a serial bully who moves from one victim to the next. He gets along great with the team lead. As screwed up as he is, she appears to have the power over him. They backstab employees, gossip about employees and so much more. It's funny how all of the characters from your past (bullies, drama queens, liars, troublemakers, ect.), all re-emerge-in places they should not-such as the workplace. It is too bad that companies don't care that they have some seriously deranged employees working for them, who are capable of destroying people's lives.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 11/21/2007 11:48:00 AM

    It took me 13 years to wake up and realize what i should have known all along. It was very hard for me to aceept what my partner was doing until my wife showed me several articles about work place psychopaths. As we looked up information on the internet it was amazing how easy it was to find the truth about my partner. Fortunaetly my wife is an attorney and is helping me readjust and rethink who I am and what I can do. As she puts it, I've been a prisoner of war for along time and need to be deprogrammed.

    User: anonymous
    Date: 12/12/2007 11:30:00 AM

    My boss is having sex with my wife and i think i enjoy it. Am i the psychopath?

    User: qattrena
    Date: 1/10/2008 6:40:00 PM

    I have a different angle to these posts – which are a revelation-I think I have experienced the psychopathic boss - when at home! When I moved into a new home I was perfectly friendly and civil to this neighbour-but she was hostile towards me almost immediately, as if she felt threatened by a younger (&possibly; more attractive!)creative type moving nearby. This person dressed very conservately in suits, rigidly went daily incl. w/ends to her very-important-position job (so she later said) and rigidly stayed home alone afterwards. She appeared to have no life outside of her very important job or to know anyone. She started causing problems for me eventually after seeing me at my window from the street whereupon she would aim hostile stares towards me and seemed very uncomfortable passing me and unable to greet me normally. later on she somehow got some (always male) associates to cause distressing noise nuisance around my flat, and denying it to my face in a hostile cold manner when I approached her about it. Then she seemed to make a concerted (and I mean concerted) effort to meet a partner very suddenly over a period of a month, and ended up with someone who looked bizarrely just like her and proceeded to engage in peeping tom activities around my flat! This was followed by both of them causing excessive noise nuisance around my flat which would stop if I had someone round, and other intimidating behaviour. This saga was never ending and the female-boss type neighbour concerned presented a consistently false impression of herself to other neighbours, kindly and agreeing with everything they said, at least to the gullible vulnerable mostly elderly ones. I cannot imagine what she is like in her job in the health service (ironically) but it would certainly be interesting to know…

    User: anonymous
    Date: 1/30/2008 9:39:00 PM

    I started working in an office with an OB/GYN and after only one week there his wife who was also an OB caught him sleeping with the office manager. Then he starts in on the rest of us. He told me to take home a cream called Screem Cream and have sex with myself then come back and tell him how I liked it. I quit and now he is trying to sue me. How do you stop people like this?

    User: anonymous
    Date: 11/19/2008 1:02:00 AM

    To anonymous Date: 11/6/2005 9:20:00 AM: Wow! when I read this I thought for a minute that I had written it! "I work under a person who is of the opposite sex and gay. He started verbally abusing me after I had been with the conpany for only a few weeks. He talks to the other few females the same way, but, they haven't been able to stand up to his crap. There is a new male in the office, that can do no wrong. He talks to him in a completely different manner, and is quite obvious that he would never treat this employee in the same manner as he does the females. He is extremenly emotional and very defensive if you ask him a question that he is supposed to either know or find out for you. He is now becoming vindictive and attempting to discredit the work that I am trying to do. This guy makes me sick, and I need to keep my job, as I have children to support....." This sounds exactly what I am going through. Do you(did you) work for BC Open Learning?

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